Quote from Opening Night
David: Um, Jake, this is my mother.
Jake: Listen, I'm really sorry, I didn't think anybody would be home.
David: Okay, nobody was supposed to be home. Nobody was supposed to be home, so... You were supposed to be at lunch, why- Why are- Why were you not at lunch?!
Moira: David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican!
Quote from Motel Review
Moira: All right, I'll agree, this motel could use some improvements. But your review will scare off the guests we need to afford those improvements.
Motel Guest: I was just being honest.
Moira: I see. Then I suppose I should be honest. My daughter married a man who turned out to be her uncle.
Motel Guest: I'm sorry?
Moira: The lowlife uncle she believed to have been executed years before by the Indian cartel. This is all on my ex-husband's side. I'm good people, and so's my daughter. She had nothing to do with Raven's accident. When the Bangalores finally found Dagger, and gave him what he deserved, they threatened to burn down the motel, and leave my pregnant baby penniless.
Motel Guest: This motel?
Moira: She begged them to let her keep this place, and she promised them a cut of the profits in return. They laughed, and left, but not without first shaving all her beautiful hair! When people ask me, why do you work here for nothing? I tell them, this is my flesh and blood! I do this for her! Nothing! She is my everything!
Motel Guest: Okay, wow, I had no idea. I can take down that review.
Quote from Pregnancy Test
Moira: It's just flagrant irresponsibility! To allow an unscheduled conception to occur!
Moira: Oh, she has no idea of the toll a bébé can take on its mother, or its mother's mother.
Quote from Happy Ending
Moira: [sniffles] Good... [voice breaks] Good evening, everyone, welcome to the marriage of Patrick Brewer and David... [voice breaks] David Rose. We are gathered here today to celebrate the love between two people, whose lives were ostensibly brought together by the fated flap of a butterfly wing. It is all but impossible to explain why things happen the way they do. Our lives are like little bébé crows, carried upon a curious wind. And all we can wish, for our families, for those we love, is that that wind will eventually places us on solid ground. And I believe it's done just that for my family here. In this little town. In the middle of nowhere.
Quote from Bob's Bagels
Moira: I knew this day would come, John. Isolated, impoverished, cut off from all medical services. I only prayed it wouldn't be Alexis.
Johnny: It's just a cold, Moira.
Moira: Oh, it's always just a cold, John, until it's full blown Typhoid!
Alexis: [o.s.] I don't have typhoid!
Moira: Well, of course you don't. What are the chances of that?! Do you remember Valentina? Our chambermaid in little Martinique? We all thought she had just a cold, until it was too late! I'll never shake the mental image of her frothing and flailing in the water taxi!
Alexis: [o.s.] I can still hear you!
Moira: We love you, Alexis!
Quote from Opening Night
Daycare Worker: Parents are complaining that they're struggling to get off work early enough to pick up their kids, and so that's why we would like to extend the after school daycare program by half an hour. [applause]
Roland: That's an idea we'll give some real thought to.
Moira: Spoken like a true politician. [audience laughs] Ah! Vivacity aside, our children's safety is no laughing matter. As a mother who once invested a great deal of time and money into her children, I, for one, stand by the request to extend the hours of the daycare. [applause] One might think that an additional 30 minutes will have no impact, but you tell that to the mother whose manicurist just applied the wrong colour, and must start all over again, or the father who got stuck in a mine! That extra half hour could be the difference between a child who gets picked up safely, and one who wanders the street, waiting for a dust-covered man to emerge from the darkness!
Daycare Worker: We do wait with the kids.
Moira: Is that really what we want for our town? Homeless toddlers?! Tugging at your pant legs?!
Quote from The Throuple
David: Alexis seems to think you like me more.
Moira: Alexis, don't be ridiculous! This is exactly the kind of paranoia that makes me wary of spending time with you.
Alexis: I was sitting right here, and you chose to eat lunch alone.
Moira: That is simply not true! I didn't see you. At first. Alexis, I would be absolutely glee-ridden if you would have lunch with me. Today.
Alexis: No, no, no, no, no. I wasn't actually...
Moira: You'll meet me at the cafe for their one o'clock sitting.
Quote from New Car
Car Salesman: Hey folks, how we doin' today?
Moira: [in a mock Cockney accent] Oh, excited beyond compare! Yes, especially with this being our first ever purchase of an automobile.
Johnny: Yes, it's our first car, let's hope we can afford it.
Moira: Yes, my poor 'usband, lost his job recently as a tennis pro. Yes, at a public resort, that is, yeah.
Car Salesman: Well, let's get you folks settled inside, we'll see what we can do.
Moira: Oh, thank you. It'll be nice to get off the streets, and be indoors for a change, yeah?
Quote from The Affair
David: Okay, Alexis and I need the car, we're running some errands for the store today.
Alexis: Um, since when?
David: Uh, since I need help for a pick-up. And mom clearly already has a lift, and I'm pretty sure parents are supposed to put their children before themselves.
Moira: Oh, really? No. If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it's that a mother puts her on own mask on first.
Quote from The Affair
Roland: Well, I'm gonna need you in there, by my side when we make this budget pitch.
Moira: You don't have to worry about me, Roland. If there is anyone at this fabulous little confab who know how to work a room of fragile egos, it's me. I once hosted the non-televised portion of the People Choice Awards.
Quote from Grad Night
Moira: We're all pitching in these days, dear. Like communists or non-union actors.
Quote from The Rollout
Judge: Juror 75, you were asked if you had any personal conflicts that might affect your judgments of this case.
Moira: I don't know these people. I don't know these people. The fact that my own world was ripped out from under me, by someone like this prick of a prestidigitator? I should think would help the court in the quest to make a fair judgment. [crowd murmurs] May I approach the bench, please?
Judge: No, you may not. The Court thanks and excuses Prospective Juror 75.
- Switch Character
- Recurring Characters