Schitt's Creek - Moira Quote #297
Car Salesman: Hey folks, how we doin' today?
Moira: [in a mock Cockney accent] Oh, excited beyond compare! Yes, especially with this being our first ever purchase of an automobile.
Johnny: Yes, it's our first car, let's hope we can afford it.
Moira: Yes, my poor 'usband, lost his job recently as a tennis pro. Yes, at a public resort, that is, yeah.
Car Salesman: Well, let's get you folks settled inside, we'll see what we can do.
Moira: Oh, thank you. It'll be nice to get off the streets, and be indoors for a change, yeah?
Quote from Moira
Moira: [in a Cockney accent] The truth is that, um, we've- We've struggled with penury for quite some time now. Well, just two years ago, we were practically 'omeless.
Car Salesman: Where are you two from?
Johnny: You know, I've been wondering that myself.
Moira: I'm from London. I was one of two identical twins. Tragically, I was snatched from my crib at birth by Russian mobsters. Mmm-hmm. They looked at my fair skin, and my dazzling eyes, and they said, "We'll make a pretty penny on that one, on the 'uman black market, we will."
Car Salesman: And what about the twin?
Moira: What's that, love?
Car Salesman: Well, if you're identical, I thought you'd both be valuable.
Johnny: Yes, wouldn't you?
Moira: She wasn't born yet. Yep, she wasn't born 'til three minutes later. And the Bratva work very quickly.
Quote from Johnny
Johnny: Now, I'm not staying long, I just came by to borrow some clothes.
Roland: Ah, okay. Honey, why don't you check your closet, and see if you got anything that Johnny can fit into.
Johnny: Look, Moira and I are going to a used car lot today, and I just need to appear more, um...
Johnny: Casual. Casual. You see, I've got a closet full of suits, but, uh, I don't wanna be taken advantage of because I'm overdressed, I need to look like I don't have money.
Jocelyn: But you don't have any money.
Johnny: Oh, I know I don't have any money, but I need to look like I don't have money.
Quote from Moira
Moira: Oh, John, look. It's our car!
Johnny: Well, Moira, let's not pick the first car we see.
Moira: No, before David was born. We bought a car just like this, don't you remember?
Johnny: Well, I don't remember the "Everything Be Irie" bumper sticker.
Moira: Oh no, it's perfect. Hello!
Johnny: Moira, this car is $3,000 more than our budget.
Moira: I'm a trained actor. A humble back story will disabuse this man of any notion we're too patrician.
Johnny: Well, okay, but let's start by losing words like "patrician."
Quote from Roadkill
Johnny: When might we expect your daughter to show up? Because we do have a very busy day ahead of us.
Hank: Well, Baby's still sleeping. But if you wanna go and wake her up, tell her what happened, by all means.
Moira: Where is bébé's chamber?
Hank: [floorboards creak] Oh, there she is now. She's either up, or takin' a leak.
Moira: Either way, great progress for bébé.
Quote from Lawn Signs
Johnny: You took your signs? I didn't know you took the signs. Why would you take your own signs?
Moira: Well, I couldn't very well take Jocelyn's. That would be stealing and I'm running a clean campaign.
Johnny: You call this a clean campaign?
Moira: Politics 101, John. When you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir. It's exciting. It's fun. It's like that episode of Sunrise Bay when I stole my own bébé.
Quote from The Olive Branch
Moira: After a glut of unasinous ideas put forth today, the room is suddenly bombilating with anticipation. Can we feel that? It's almost as though we're building towards some sort of inevitable climax.