Cece: Is this leading to the secret?
Jess: I don't know, Cece. My brain is a smoking wreckage and I'm trying to find the black box.
Cece: Okay, let's try to jump-start it. Okay? Let me try something. Secret! Secret! Secret!
Jess: What are you doing?
Cece: Secret!
Jess: This is not gonna work.
Cece: Secret!
Jess: It was something about a pool. Oh, my God, Cece. You're amazing. You should work for the CIA.
Cece: I know. Stay focused on the pool.

Cece: Ugh. Thanks for helping me pack.
Winston: No problem. This might be our last chance for a mess-around.
Cece: Don't you start with that last mess-around stuff.
Winston: Don't you start.
Cece: Don't start, 'cause then I'll start. Look, I'm already starting. Don't start.
Winston: I didn't start this whole thing.
Cece: I can't do it, okay?

Cece: What's going on?
Schmidt: Your friend is costing us Washington.
Jess: Why didn't you marry Shivrang?
Cece: Ruth, is that coffee?
Ruth: Yep.
Cece: Okay, there is a child here. I'm gonna take her to the bedroom right now so she can watch local news bloopers. I don't know why she likes them so much.
Ruth: They're blowing their big shot.

Cece: And even though Ferguson walked on short legs, he stood taller than any man I have ever known. [cheering and applause] Thank you.

Cece: [as Schmidt] "Cecilia, you're playing your music too loud." What's that, babe? Yeah, you know, I can't hear you out here with...

Cece: Sx date! We are having sex tonight out of our daughter's earshot.
Aly: Okay.
Jess: Tell me, in the realm of Cece and Schmidt sex-capades, like, how far out are you going? Are you, like, crossing state lines or...?
Cece: No. Tonight, we are actually gonna keep it simple.
[meanwhile, at the bar:]
Schmidt: I have made extremely elaborate plans. I've lined up a babysitter, booked a hotel room, commissioned a new negligee, custom-made by a Japanese man that I found on EtsyXXX. I can't wait for Cece to see me in it.
Winston: What?
[cut back:]
Cece: I think that he bought me some sort of Japanese negligee. [laughter] I know. I found it, like, hidden in the back of the closet. I'm gonna need a team of people to get me into that.

Cece: I was sitting right here when I first introduced you guys to my hilarious baby voice.
[flashback:]
Cece: Uh-oh, look who just woke up. [high-pitched] I'm a baby. I'm a baby and I need my milkie. Where's my Ba-ba?
Nick: What are you doing?
Winston: Put that baby away.
Schmidt: Babies can't talk. It's inherently flawed.

Schmidt: You know what got her those three t-poles? Hippie-dippy mishegas.
Jess: Well, she couldn't cut a perfect circle without your cold-blooded demand for excellence.
Schmidt: Is it possible that after all of this time fighting, that, together, we're the perfect parent? I mean, look, you're sweet.
Jess: You're salty.
Cece: Excuse me, she lived inside of me, ya jerks.

Cece: Why don't you want to go on this date?
Winston: Because I'm not over Aly. And I know I should be moving on and this girl is okay, but she's not Aly.
Cece: [congested] No one is Aly.
Winston: What'd she say?
Cece: Wait. Just hold.
Nick: Oh, please don't blow your nose. You do it so disgustingly.
Cece: [blowing nose loudly] Not done.
Winston: I don't need to know that bad what you said.
Cece: [blowing nose loudly]
Nick: I'm beggin' you to stop. Just stop.
Cece: [sniffs wetly] [coughs] [clearly:] No one is Aly. Okay? You have to give other people a chance. You deserve to be happy, Winston. Just go on the date.
Nick: Or I could fire up another episode and we could see where they hide the Tee-Tee Wah Wah this time.
Cece: I wonder where it would be.
Winston: No, I'm-I'm gonna go on the date. Yeah, I think I'll do that. You guys are right. Could you tell your future husband to let me out of this room, please?
Cece: I love that man, but he is not letting anyone out of this room. Just being in here makes you fully contaminated.

[montage:]
Cece: Vodka Soda-Mayor. Right here.
Schmidt: Here you go, sir. A Rosé the Riveter.
Cece: A Ruth Bader Gin-sberg. I did that one.