Miss Patty: Just listen to your breathing and let the world melt away. And in. And out. And in. And out.
Paris: Excuse me. We reserved this place for 8:00 sharp, and right now my watch says 8:04.
Miss Patty: Well, tell it to go outside and have a smoke. You can't rush a cool-down, sweetheart.
Paris: Look, I understand the whole Mystic Pizza, small-town we-don't-let-a-clock-run-our-lives thing. But I come from the big city, where money talks, and I'm paying good money for this place, and I have a schedule to keep.
Miss Patty: Be careful, darling, or your face is going to freeze like that.

Miss Patty: Lorelai, darling, who is the silver fox with the tight knee socks?
Lorelai: Oh, that's Claude. He's one of our regular servers. Divorced and on the market.
Miss Patty: Well, the uniform is interesting.
Lorelai: All right? I'll have him bathed, powdered, and sent to your room.
Miss Patty: What? Oh, you joke? Was that a joke?

Miss Patty: Listen, darling, do you happen to have change for $1?
Lorelai: I think so.
Miss Patty: I don't know where my quarters go.
Lorelai: Down some guy's G-string, I would expect.
Miss Patty: Oh, no. A quarter would be insulting.

Miss Patty: Dean-o, Dean-o, Dean-o. If you grow any taller, I'm gonna have to get myself some mountain climbing equipment.
Dean: You're getting dangerous to even walk near, you know that, Patty.
Miss Patty: I've been told.
Dean: You looking for Mr. Doose?
Miss Patty: Oh, precious, no. I'm just looking.
Dean: [sees the contractors] Ah. Okay. Well, enjoy.
Miss Patty: Oh, I always do.

Miss Patty: Hey, how many nevermores do you think he's got to go?
Lorelai: We're guessing four.
Miss Patty: Poor Edgar Allen Poe, he suffered so much. And now we gotta suffer along with him.

Kirk: After we light the bonfire, the dancers should come through.
Miss Patty: Okay, Kirk.
Kirk: They'll circle the gazebo. Jazz hands, jazz hands, jazz hands. Then out come the flaming batons.
Miss Patty: That sounds good, Kirk.
Kirk: Are you ignoring me?
Miss Patty: Since you were old enough to walk, Kirk.

Miss Patty: I got my hands full here.
Lorelai: The Banyan boys?
Miss Patty: Oh! Lucifer tired of them in hell and dumped them here.

Rory: Hey, Davey. Came for breakfast?
Miss Patty: Yes, he did. Didn't you, Davey?
Jackson: Yeah, he did. Oops, he's got that look on his face. You might want to give him back to me.
Miss Patty: Oh, please, if I went running every time some guy tried to crap all over me, I never would have gotten married.

Miss Patty: Jackson! Jackson, stop! Oh, Jackson, oh thank God, I'm frantic!
Jackson: What's the matter?
Miss Patty: My accompanist just passed out.
Jackson: She what?
Miss Patty: She was playing the Tarantella and suddenly she just stopped and fell off the stool! Come on.
Jackson: Well, is she breathing?
Miss Patty: I don't know.
Jackson: Did you check her pulse?
Miss Patty: No! What a good idea. Oh, you're such a smart man.
Jackson: Oh, well-
Miss Patty: A little faster, honey, the poor woman is just lying there.
Jackson: Well, maybe we should call 9-1-1.
Miss Patty: She's right over there in the corner.
Jackson: Why is it so dark in here?
[When the lights go on, Jackson sees the hall packed with towns people. Kirk closes the door to keep Jackson from leaving. Miss Patty grabs her gavel]
Miss Patty: The town meeting is now in session.

Miss Patty: Oh, listen, I want to invite you to my anniversary party.
Lorelai: Absolutely. Which husband?
Miss Patty: Oh, no husband, honey, I'm talking about a lover that's been far more loyal and seductive than a husband. I'm talking about that business we call show. Forty years.
Lorelai: No!
Miss Patty: Forty years ago today, I did my first play, off Broadway.
Lorelai: Off Broadway?
Miss Patty: Cleveland.
Lorelai: That is off Broadway.
Miss Patty: Anyhow, I thought I'd throw a big party. Food, booze, a little song, a little dance, a little salsa down your pants.
Lorelai: Well, count me and my pants in.