Rory: [on the phone] She's letting you go? That's amazing. What changed her mind?
Lane: I let her watch Romeo and Juliet movie with Leo and Claire Danes.
Rory: Really? I would have thought she hated it.
Lane: Oh, she did. But trust my mom to turn one of the world's great love stories into a cautionary tale of what happens when children disobey their parents.

Rory: So how'd it go?
Lorelai: We talked about the things we had in common, and then the salad came.
Rory: Not a soul mate?
Lorelai: He's never seen Ab Fab. Plus, he's outdoorsy. Remember that Meryl Streep movie where she and her family take a rafting trip and then psycho Kevin Bacon forces them to take him down the river? That's his dream vacation, minus Kevin Bacon.
Rory: Wow.
Lorelai: Whereas mine is Kevin Bacon, minus the river.

Lorelai: Okay, I couldn't make up my mind so I got The Shining and Bringing Up Baby. Now, I know you're thinking: "One's a movie about a homicidal parent, and the other one's..."

Paris: I want everyone to read the chapters on acting I photocopied out of Houseman's memoirs tonight. Everyone will be off-book by Friday and if you plan on missing rehearsal, you'd better bring a coroner's note.

Paris: [on the phone] Two other groups are rehearsing in the Grant Hall even though I specifically reserved it way in advance and confirmed the reservation twice. But whatever, they're going to be there, and I don't want them spying on us.
Rory: I don't think the ending to Romeo and Juliet is exactly a secret.
Paris: Hello, our interpretation?
Rory: Oh, right.
Paris: I went on the web and I found a site called miss-patty.net. It's in your town.
Rory: There's a miss-patty.net?

Lorelai: All right. That's it. This afternoon, we are going to engage in some intensive retail therapy to bring you out of this funk.
Rory: No, thanks.
Lorelai: I mean it. Today is the day we finally spring for the Powerpuff Girls shot glasses.

Rory: An ice-cream maker!
Sookie: A Musso Lussino 480.
Lorelai: Somebody sent a fascist ice-cream maker?
Sookie: Italian design, stainless steel body, chrome finish.
Lorelai: And no card. Perfect.
Sookie: [gasps] Jackson just got in his apple crop. We can make cider ice cream.
Lorelai: Yes, we can, using his ice cream maker. But II Duce here is going back.
Rory: To where? Maybe it's an orphan.
Sookie: That's right. We'd be giving it a home.
Lorelai: Once again, I bring up the fact that this is a wedding present. And as I am not getting married, neither God's law nor Emily Post allows me to keep this.

Rory: But isn't there a rule about late presents?
Sookie: Like, if it arrives after a certain date, the giver forfeits all rights of return.
Rory: Exactly.
Lorelai: Nice try.
Sookie: It's true. I saw it on Martha Stewart. She was doing a double program. The first half was on massaging your dog. And she had this chow, and she was rubbing it...
Lorelai: Sookie.
Sookie: But the second half was about gifts, and she said if it arrives after 10 weeks-
Rory: Eight.
Sookie: Eight weeks, you don't have to return it.
Lorelai: Okay, clearly this is shaping up to be one of those moments that St. Peter will show on the big video screen when I die and I, for one, don't want to see us staggering around with cider ice cream slathered all over our faces while my soul hangs in the balance. So until I can find out who sent this, no one goes near it. And we're watching The Shining.
Rory: I bet Max would let us keep it.

Paris: Rory, sorry to interrupt. Hi, Henry. But see, we're all standing over there trying to map out a game plan and rehearsal schedule and I'm sure whatever the two of you are talking about here is so much more fascinating and important and, well, gosh, let's just say it, fun, but I'd really like to get an 'A' on this assignment, and in order to do that I'm afraid you'll have to discuss your sock hops and clambakes some other time. Okay? Thanks.
Henry: That was scary.
Rory: It's going be a lot scarier once she gets a megaphone in her hands.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Aunt Bobbie, hi. It's Lorelai, Richard and Emily's girl. I'm the one with... Yeah, that's right. Wow, you don't hear the word 'wedlock' much anymore.
Rory: I'm home.
Lorelai: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Really? The Bible said all that, huh? Did it mention me by name? I mean, okay, I'm just kidding. So, uh, judging by your Billy Graham impression, I am guessing you didn't send me an ice cream maker so maybe you could just give me Aunt Clarissa's phone number? No, I hadn't heard. That's terrible. Uh-huh. Oh, then I guess she had it coming, didn't she? Hey, listen, I'd love to chat about who else in the family is currently or soon to be headed for Hell, but I've got to run, so I promise to call in the next 20 years, okay? Bye-bye. [hangs up] How scary is it my parents are turning out to be the normal ones in the family?