Rory: I think we're late.
Lorelai: We're not late.
Rory: Well, Grandma said dinner starts at six.
Lorelai: Yeah, well that means seven.
Rory: In what universe?
Lorelai: They invite you at six knowing you won't be here until seven so dinner won't start until eight. Actually we're early.

Lane: Hey, did somebody sit on me just now?
Lorelai: No, why?
Lane: My hip hurts.
Lorelai: Oh, getting old. [looks at the open oven] Hey, did anyone ever think that maybe Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, she was just cold?

Luke: Jess, we have to do something about this.
Jess: Like what?
Luke: I don't know. We have to say something.
Jess: Like what?
Luke: He's a grown man with an Etch-A-Sketch!
Jess: So shake him real hard. Maybe he'll disappear.

Lorelai: Cold, cold, cold, cold ! Icy feet, stupid frozen-tundra house! Honey, why are you sleeping in here? Your room is way warmer. [no response from the couch] Okay, here's the question for today, kids. What the hell are the Eskimos thinking? I mean, yes, the hoods are cute, but it's always cold. Always! Plus you have to eat fish for breakfast and you have to eat whales and then polar bears and penguins and Santa Claus Okay, coffee's on, Pop-Tarts are Pop-Tarting! If you're just going to lie there, I'm going to have to sit here. I'm going to make myself very comfortable on a nice, warm Rory!
Rory: [enters] Why is it so cold in here?
Lorelai: [screams] I thought I was sitting on you!
Rory: Oh, really? Good trick.
Lorelai: Well, if you are there, then who is this?
Rory: I don't know.
Lorelai: We've got a stranger in our house.
Rory: Robert Downey, Jr?
Lorelai: Or a murderer.
Rory: ...who needed to take a nap before committing his crimes?
Lorelai: [peels back the blanket to reveal Lane] I think this belongs to you.
Rory: She must have followed me home from Yale. I told her she could hang out there this weekend.
Lorelai: But why do that when you can come here and sleep where penguins need a coat?

Rory: Why don't you call a guy?
Lorelai: What guy?
Rory: A window fixing guy.
Lorelai: Ah, Luke always gets mad when I pay someone to do something that he could do for free. And then he lectures me about it every time I see him and it's annoying. "Oh, you paid him how much to fix the window? What, you couldn't just find someone to steal your purse that day? Hey, while you're at it I've got an idea, why don't you go down to a Versateller and let them charge you five bucks to take your own money out of the bank? Or buy some tickets at Ticketmaster and wind up paying more in service charges than it would cost you to see the band? Oh, here's a great fifty buck mark up on a bottle of wine that it would have cost you ten dollars in the supermarket you're missing!"
Rory: Oh my God, Luke is annoying.

Jess: So how long until it's fixed?
Gypsy: Not sure.
Jess: It has to be today. I have to walk out of this half-mile, four-block, freakhole of a medical experiment.
Gypsy: You are delightful.

Gypsy: I'll have you out of here tonight. Go away and come back at closing.
Jess: Fine.
Gypsy: And bring a lot of money because I'm going to overcharge you like you've never been overcharged before.
Jess: I'll bet you say that to all the guys.
Gypsy: On second thought, maybe I'm closing early tonight.
Jess: I'm going.
[Jess stops in his tracks when he sees the back of a girl with long, brown hair]
Gypsy: That's not her.
Jess: What?
Gypsy: She cut her hair.
Jess: Don't know what you're talking about.
Gypsy: Okay, my mistake.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Mom, I already said I'd go.
Emily: But we still have a half empty table.
Lorelai: Well, fewer people to fight over the centerpiece.
Emily: Stop it. This is not funny. The last person who didn't fill her table was Loretta Bobbins. Do you remember Loretta Bobbins?
Lorelai: No.
Emily: Exactly! Once you do not fill your table, you do not get another table to fill. You are off the list.

Emily: [on the phone with Lorelai] I'll see you tonight at six o'clock sharp and don't wear those pantyhose with the seams up the back. You look like ten cents a dance. [hangs up] Richard, I need a gimlet.

Kirk: After we light the bonfire, the dancers should come through.
Miss Patty: Okay, Kirk.
Kirk: They'll circle the gazebo. Jazz hands, jazz hands, jazz hands. Then out come the flaming batons.
Miss Patty: That sounds good, Kirk.
Kirk: Are you ignoring me?
Miss Patty: Since you were old enough to walk, Kirk.