Taylor Doose: Can you sign this? Michel, hold it right there. Michel. Michel, I have a complaint. Michel? Michel?
Michel: Can I help you?
Taylor Doose: I was talking to you, and you just walked away from me.
Michel: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were calling someone else.
Taylor Doose: Someone else named Michel?
Michel: If only I could read minds.

Lorelai: We need you to look at Kirk's butt.
Sookie: Why?
Lorelai: Well, because he ran into some rose bushes, and he's got some thorns stuck in it, and I thought of you.
Sookie: Me? Why me?
Lorelai: Well, because you're a chef.
Sookie: What?
Luke: And you have a kid.
Lorelai: Yes, that's better. You have a kid.
Luke: Neither of us has kids. Well, she does, but it's big and... and... and can look at her own butt.
Lorelai: I got this, thanks.

Dean: I love you, Rory.
Rory: I love you, too, Dean. Are you comfortable? Am I killing your arm?
Dean: My arm is fine.
Rory: I could move.
Dean: Don't you dare move.
Rory: This right here, is the textbook definition of a perfect moment.
Dean: Yeah, it is.
Rory: And earlier?
Dean: That was pretty perfect too. However, as a guy, I was trying not to be a pig.
Rory: And I'm happy. Are you happy?
Dean: I'm very happy.
Rory: Happy, but not chatty?
Dean: I'm just trying to make sure that all this is really happening.
Rory: It is. [they kiss]

Rory: Hey, you know what I think we need?
Dean: What?
Rory: A song. Like a song that's "our song".
Dean: Okay.
Rory: Something romantic, but not mushy, something that will make us remember this.
Dean: [laughs] Ah, believe me, I'm remembering this.
Rory: Oh, I know. [Rory puts a CD in the player next to her bed] Okay. Perfect. So, from now on, no matter what you're doing, where you are, you'll stop and think of me when you hear this.
[Sammy Davis, Jr.'s "Candy Man" plays]
Dean: [laughs] That's not gonna be our song.
Rory: Why not? It's perfect. It's happy. It's hopeful. It has the word "candy" in it. Hey, what is more hot than candy?
Dean: Pick something else.
Rory: [sings along] "Who can take the sunrise"
Dean: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll pick something else.

Richard: You do realize you just leapt out of a moving vehicle.
Emily: Everything cannot be on your schedule, Richard. Now, where is it? I know I put it in here. Aha!
Richard: In all the years we've been together, I have never seen you behave as irrationally as- Emily, I'm talking to you! Will you stop? Emily, this feud of ours has now reached comical heights that Charlie Chaplin, himself, would find hilarious, and he's dead.
Emily: Don't follow me, Richard.
Richard: Oh, wait, come back. Let me get you a cane and a derby.

Richard: What are you doing?
Emily: I'm looking for my European luggage, which some imbecile has chosen to hide from me.
Richard: What do you need your European luggage for?
Emily: To put things in.
Richard: You're making a mess.
Emily: I don't care if I'm making a mess. Well, who's going to clean all this up, you? Yes, me, or the maid, or perhaps Pennilyn Lott could come by after one of your clandestine luncheons and take a stab at it.
Richard: Oh, for heaven's sakes. Not that again. She's just a friend!
Emily: I am going to Europe, Richard. I am going to Europe, and I'm going to have a marvelous time. I'm going to get up at 10:00, and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day.
Richard: Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch.
Emily: Well, then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business.
Richard: I- I can't talk to you when you're like this. I'm going to bed.
Emily: You go to bed. I'll go to France.

Security Guard: Can I have your security password, please?
Richard: Look, it's getting late, so either shoot us or go away.

Kirk: Sorry I bit you.
Luke: It's okay, Kirk.
Kirk: They were after me, so I ran away.
Sookie: Who was after you, honey?
Luke: Assassins. He thinks assassins are after him.
Kirk: They were under my bed in my room, so I ran, and they followed me down the hall, down the stairs, past Luke and Lorelai kissing, through the yard, over that fence.
Sookie: Well, the assassins are gone now, Kirk.
Kirk: I imagined them?
Sookie: I think so.
Kirk: What about Luke kissing Lorelai?
Sookie: I think you imagined that, too.
Kirk: They looked so real.

Michel: That man is why mail-order brides were invented.

Rory: Hey, Davey. Came for breakfast?
Miss Patty: Yes, he did. Didn't you, Davey?
Jackson: Yeah, he did. Oops, he's got that look on his face. You might want to give him back to me.
Miss Patty: Oh, please, if I went running every time some guy tried to crap all over me, I never would have gotten married.