Rebecca: So, Woody, where were you all week?
Woody: The airport. Oh, it was great. I met people from all over the world.
Rebecca: You spent your entire vacation at the airport? [Sam chuckles]
Woody: Well, yeah. You know, I mean, at first I felt terrible about missing my flight, but then I started talking to this really nice guy, and it turned out he's from India. [chuckles] Can you imagine that? I'm from Indiana and he's from India. We laughed about that for hours. At least I think that's what he was laughing at.
Rebecca: Well, l- l'm glad you had a good time, Woody. I- I didn't expect you back today. I thought you'd need a rest, so I didn't schedule you until tomorrow.
Woody: Great! I'm out of here!
Rebecca: Where you going?
Woody: I hear great things about the bus depot.

Sam: How's she handling her pregnancy?
Frasier: Oh, same as any other woman. Perfectly normal, nothing unusual. Well, true, she does experience the occasional temporary hormonal imbalance, but you know Lilith, she's so repressed emotionally that only her husband would notice.
Lilith: [enters] Lay your hands upon me, everyone. I am life.
Frasier: Oh, boy.
Lilith: I am mother. My man's seed is nourished within me. Touch my breasts, my friend. I am lactating.
Sam: Boy, I tell ya, this is kind of a first for me, um... but I'm gonna pass.

Norm: [enters] Evening, everybody.
All: Norm!
Sam: What will you have, Norm?
Norm: I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap.
Sam: Ooh, looks like beer, Norm.
Norm: Call me Mr. Lucky, huh?

Carla: That was Ann Marie's teacher. Said she's gonna have to hold her back.
Diane: Oh, that's too bad, Carla.
Coach: Oh, don't worry about it, Carla. It's just as bad to skip a grade.
Carla: You skipped a grade, Coach?
Coach: I skipped four. High school, I think they called it.

Norm: You know, I saw Teddy Kennedy over there.
Carla: Whoa. Norman, really?
Diane: I still say that Kennedy will be president some day. [all groan] No, wait. Maybe even next time. You know how politicians are.
Norm: Doesn't make sense.
Cliff: Nah, I really don't think so, there, Diane. I've got a pet little theory about that. You see, if you go back in history and take every president, you'll find that the numerical value of each letter in their last name was equally divisible into the year in which they were elected.
Man: So who's gonna win, Cliff? Reagan again? Mondale?
Cliff: No. Not a chance. See, I figured it out. By my calculations, our next president has to be named Yelnik McWawa.
Sam: That's the stupidest name I ever heard.
Coach: Sam, please. You're talking about our next president.

Diane: Sam, now, it's true, hiring Norman has emotional overtones. But without emotions, the mind becomes a stagnant pond. And let's face it, in your case, we're not exactly dealing with white water rapids in the first place.

Diane: Sam, do yourself a favor. Go back to your tootsies and your rat parts. I'd hate to see the bowling alleys close on my account.
Sam: Hey, hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you saying that I'm too dumb to date smart women?
Diane: I'm saying that it would be very difficult for you. A really intelligent woman would see your line of BS a mile away.
Sam: You think so?
Diane: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Sam: You know, well, I've never met an intelligent woman that I'd want to date.
Diane: On behalf of the intelligent women around the world, may I just say... Phew.

Coach: I'm knocking off, Sam. Home to my book.
Sam: Still working on that novel, huh, Coach?
Coach: Yeah, coming on six years now. I just got a feeling I might finish it tonight.
Diane: You're writing a novel?
Coach: No, reading one.

Norm: Sammy... California?! Riots, smog, earthquakes?
Cliff: Don't make me laugh, now. There's no earthquakes in California.
Woody: There aren't?
Cliff: No, there's never been any! See, what they tell us are earthquakes are actually sonic booms caused by a project that's been funded by the U.S. government. You see, what they're doing is they're creating a huge cavity - a tunnel, if you will - right to the center of the Earth, where they're gonna build a giant computer to control the planet's rotation. Can I... Can I be the only one that's heard of this?
Frasier: You know, Cliff, electro-shock therapy only sounds scary. Let me bring in a color brochure. It features Babar.
Woody: Uh, can I get one?
Frasier: I'll bring in a boxful!

Sam: Oh, my. Yeah, uh, listen I know what you want to do is run out there and tell the guys, but I've got to remind you here, Paul, a gentleman does not kiss and tell. It's just not cool.
Paul: But you do it, Sam.
Sam: True. True. But I'm Sam Malone, and by definition, everything I do is cool.