Sam Quote #1771
Sam: Oh, my. Yeah, uh, listen I know what you want to do is run out there and tell the guys, but I've got to remind you here, Paul, a gentleman does not kiss and tell. It's just not cool.
Paul: But you do it, Sam.
Sam: True. True. But I'm Sam Malone, and by definition, everything I do is cool.
Quote from Norm
Norm: [enters] [softly:] Morning everybody.
All: Norm! [Norm covers his ears in agony]
Rebecca: How are you feeling, Norm?
Norm: Terrible. A splitting headache. And I think I might be sick. Can I have a beer, Sammy?
Quote from Sam
Carla: Sammy. How could you have a problem worse? You're perfect. You don't even know what the rest of the world is like.
Sam: Honey, I... I'm not perfect.
Carla: Oh, yeah, right.
Sam: All right, you really want to know? Watch this.
Carla: [gasps] Holy Mother of God! Oh, Sammy! You wear a rug!
Sam: It's not a rug! It's not a rug! It's a hair replacement system.
Quote from Sam
Carla: Oh, Sammy! Look at you, you're bald! All this time, the great Sam Malone's hair is nothing but a fraud!
Sam: Hey, at least I didn't sleep with Paul!
Carla: Paul, Schmall, that's nothing!
Sam: Yeah, nothing. It was a pretty big deal a minute ago.
Carla: Yeah, well, that was before I found out you wear a piece.
Sam: Hair replacement system! Hair replacement system! You know, if you're not going to use the proper terminology, I think I'd just like to be by myself right now.
Carla: Sammy, I- l'm sorry. It's just that you caught me by surprise.
Sam: Yeah, well, imagine how it caught me when, on the morning of August 12, 1989, I looked in the sink and... I'm sorry, I thought I could talk about it.
Quote from The Proposal
Sam: You know, for the longest time, I kept pretending about you. I guess I was afraid to really admit my feelings. But from the very start, down deep inside, I have been crazy about you. Crazier about you than any other woman I've ever met. I mean, hell, I was crazy about you even when I hated you. [Diane laughs] What I'm trying to say is will you marry me?
Sam: Are you serious?
Diane: I'm afraid I am.
Sam: Well... seems to me you have two choices. One, I can throw you in. Or two, you can jump in.
Quote from I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday
Diane: Sam, I know you to be a man of pride and principle, but strength is also to be found in the ability to bend. Witness the willow, nature's strongest tree.
Sam: No, I thought the oak was the strongest tree.
Diane: Only in furniture.
Sam: What about the saying "strong as the mighty oak"?
Diane: The oak can be felled by a single harsh wind under the right circumstances.
Sam: All right, but what about birch and mahogany? Now, those--
Diane: Would you shut up about the damn trees?
Sam: You brought them up.
Quote from Cry Hard
Sam: How much are you going to take before you realize this guy is no good for you?
Rebecca: I don't know, Sam. How much does it take when you're in love with someone? You know, I've heard stories about you and that Diane girl. You put up with her for 5 years. 5 years! What about that?
Sam: Sweetheart, if I could have sent her to prison, don't you think I would have?