Rebecca: If I were you, I would be a nervous wreck. You know, I had a shot at my dream job.
Norm: Yeah?
Rebecca: And I- I did really, really well. And then it came time for me to meet the big boss, and I choked. I went in, and- and I complimented him, and then I realized, "Oh, God, I'm kissing up." So I took back the compliment, and then it looked like I was insulting him. So then I started telling jokes, and they were really bad. And then... And- And then, the next thing I knew, I was singing, "Knick knack paddy whack" song. And I was just singing and singing at the top of my lungs. And I just kept burying myself deeper and deeper. And I lost my dream job. And when I walked out of that House of Pancakes, I felt two inches tall.
Norm: Well, Rebecca, that's about the most depressing thing I've ever heard in my life.

Sam: Poor guy. It's a real comedown, isn't it? Seems happy though.
Rebecca: Of course he's happy. He's lying.
Sam: I'm afraid of the rest of this.
Rebecca: Sam, don't you see it? He's testing me. Remember the last time before he left, he pretended like he was poor and I rejected him? And then it turns out he wasn't poor, he was rich? Well, he's testing me again. He wants to see if I've matured. And I'm gonna make damn sure that he knows that material wealth means nothing to me. And then he'll marry me and take me away. And I won't have to spend any more time with you poor, pathetic, boring losers. Day after day after day!
Sam: Honey, it's happening again.
Rebecca: What? What's happening?

Diane: So, Rebecca, tell us about yourself. Sam never mentioned what you do.
Rebecca: He didn't?
Sam: Well, it never came up.
Rebecca: Well, uh... [clears throat] I am a corporate attorney... with the firm... Emerson Lake and Palmer.
Reed: That sounds familiar.
Rebecca: Yeah, they're a pretty famous group. Listen, um... And what I specialize in there is, uh, is product liability cases.
Sam: That was good. I mean, is good. Because, uh, it's a good job she has.
Diane: And you still find time to raise four small children?
Rebecca: Oh, they're not so small. Uh, Sam Junior is, uh, five. And, um, then Darby's four. And, uh, Newton's three. And then, uh, little two-year-old Chelsea, she's one.

Sam: Sweetheart, what happened?
Rebecca: I just had to knock on my own office door.
Sam: Honey, l- l'm so sorry. I swear to God I didn't want this to happen.
Rebecca: I know. It's not your fault. I know why it happened. Because I'm a loser. I always have been, and I always will be a big old, fat, old, stupid loser.
Sam: No, you're not a loser. Don't say that, you hear me? You are not a loser.
Rebecca: Okay.
Sam: You have a barrette for this, or something?
Rebecca: I lost it.
Sam: Sweetheart, don't worry about- Don't worry about that. It'll be all right. Hey, you know what might make you feel better? We never had that date, you know?
Rebecca: Oh, God! You just go back over there and do whatever it was you were doing, and I will get out of your life forever.
Sam: Rebecca, I...
Rebecca: Sam, please. It'll make it a lot easier. You know, I might just become a bag lady. They're not all old, you know. It could happen. It really could. I'll just send for the rest of my things.

Rebecca: [on TV] And, obviously, Dennis, I am not alone in my belief that the company that manufactures the Lady Baldy is irresponsible, unconscionable, and simply out for a quick buck.
Woody: He's being way too easy on her. I'd have had her in tears by now.
Dennis: [on TV] Well, Ms. Howe, as you know, our crack staff has traced through numerous false fronts to unearth the culprit.
Rebecca: [on TV] Fine. I say we have them hunted naked through the streets by dogs.
Dennis: And we have succeeded in learning that the makers of the Lady Baldy is Lesco ventures.
Rebecca: [on TV] Ladies and gentlemen, write that down. Boycott all lesco ventures products.
Dennis: [on TV] Which is merely a subsidiary of a major conglomerate owned by millionaire financier Robin Colcord.
Woody: Nailed her, yes!
Dennis: [on TV] Ms. Howe, you'll be pleased to know we've submitted a formal complaint in your name to Colcord Industries.
Rebecca: [on TV] Oh. [looks back at a picture of Robin] I didn't want to complain. Why would I complain? This is a wonderful product. Look. Now, you see that? [straining] You see how smooth and silky... There.
Dennis: [on TV] Um, Ms. Howe...
Rebecca: [on TV] And another thing, Dennis, if you don't quit harassing the good people who work for Lady Baldy, well, then, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take action against you. Dennis, do you have a styptic pencil?

Robin: My Rebecca. You know, I can't tell you how much I've missed her. And now to see her again, to look into those amber eyes, to hear that crystal bell of a voice.
Rebecca: Crap, Sam! Your desk smells like somebody puked in it!
Robin: Rebecca, I'm back.
Rebecca: [breathless] Robin! My sweet baby! Is it really you?!?
Robin: Yes.
Rebecca: I knew you'd come back for me! I quit! I'm out of here. No more petty job for Rebecca Howe. No more hanging out with you poor, pathetic, boring losers all day! My prayers have been answered. Robin's come back for me, and I'm rich! I'm rich! Why are you dressed like that, Robin?
Robin: Well I've taken a vow of poverty. I have only what I'm wearing and what I'm carrying in my rucksack.
Rebecca: Well, that's very sweet. Uh, did I just call you guys a bunch of names a few minutes ago?
Sam: Yeah.
Rebecca: I'm sorry, I just have these episodes when I'm around rich people, sort of like a blackout. No harm done, 'kay?

Dave Richards: Excuse me. The alarm just went off. [to Rebecca] I make an ungodly amount of money and I know exactly how to use it.
Rebecca: You must be a friend of Mr. Malone's.
Dave Richards: Well, you know what they say, "The good-looking ones travel in pairs." And, uh, that's certainly true in your case.
Rebecca: Do you have the time?
Dave Richards: 4:30.
Rebecca: Good, 'cause I just wanted to remember the exact moment I met the biggest jerk on Earth.
Dave Richards: [Sam laughs] Tough woman, tough woman.
Sam: You got that right. I wear a cup to work.

Rebecca: Carla, here's your final paycheck.
Carla: Thank-
Rebecca: I might say that you have been a unique employee, and it's going to be very difficult to fill your uniform.
Carla: Thanks.
Rebecca: You don't happen to know any other short, pregnant cocktail waitresses, do you?

Rebecca: I think it's time for me to pack it in.
Sam: Uh, you know, I don't think you're in any condition to drive, Miss Howe. Let me give you a lift home, all right?
Rebecca: I don't know. I've never been alone in a car with such a hairy guy. Are you sure you weren't in The Planet of The Apes? Can anybody else please take me home?
Anthony: There's room in our car. You can sit on my lap.
Annie: Darling, you're married now. You don't have a lap. [Rebecca laughs]
Sam: Come on. You think I'm so ugly? I'll let you get a bag and put it over my head, all right?
Rebecca: Just a minute. Let me get my bag. And yours.
Sam: I'm not crazy about the way that girl flirts.

Lilith: You really don't know Frasier, do you?
Rebecca: No, I don't.
Lilith: God, I'm such a fool. How could I let him do this to me?
Rebecca: It's all right. It happens to everybody.
Lilith: He made up this whole story just to avoid committing to me. And the worst part is he's going to get away with it. They always do.
Rebecca: Yeah, men are such a pain. I have someone who's very special to me, but he wouldn't notice me if I set fire to my hair.
Lilith: [looking at Sam] Him?
Rebecca: [scoffing] No, definitely not him. I prefer the Fortune 500 type. One who owns blocks, not one who plays with them.
Sam: Look, they're flirting with me.