Carla: I don't get it. I just don't get it! That's everybody, right? Geez, I... Unless, unless I met someone. That's it. Mr. Right walked into the bar, swept me off my feet, and we made mad, passionate love all night long. He's probably coming back for me tonight.
Sam: You could be right. I'll bet that's what it is.
Carla: It's gotta be, because everybody here checks out, thank God. I know I didn't miss anybody.
Paul: [enters] Hey, sexy. [slaps Carla's ass] [sings] Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa, men have named you...
Carla: [screaming]

Paul: Well, guys, guess who scaled Mount Paulie last night.

Rebecca: Oh, Don! You put me down, you big crazy thing! You're gonna throw out your big muscular back!
Don: Oh, I'm never letting you go again, Rebecca. Oh, Woody, Rebecca will be gone the rest of the evening, and I hope you can do without her because I can't. We're going out to make love in the, uh, swan boats in the public gardens.
Rebecca: Couldn't you just eat us alive? [both exit]
Reed: Kevin, Kevin, Kevin! I was pretending to be Diane's husband to fool her old boyfriend. She's helping me write a Tales From the Crypt! It's that simple!
Kevin: Very imaginative story. Reed, I put up with your astronaut, your anchorman and your all-pro quarterback! But this is it. I'm leaving.
Reed: Please! You can just give me one last chance!
[As Paul returns from the back room, the guys are staring at the door with their mouths agape]
Paul: I missed something, didn't l?

Cliff: Say good-bye to the old Cliff Clavin.
All: Good-bye!
Cliff: Say hello to the new Cliff Clavin, the new assistant supervisor of sub-district A, grid L.
All: Good-bye!
Paul: This, I'm here for. [walks off]

Cliff: You know, Norm, it's a little bit strange watchin' TV at eye level.
Norm: You get used to it, though.
Lilith: No, actually, you probably won't get used to it, Cliff. Remember, you're just stopping by.
Cliff: Oh, I don't know there, Lilith. I mean, uh, Sam's pourin', you got ESPN. It's just like Cheers.
Lilith: Yes, but it's not Cheers. This is a private home, and comfortable though it may be, I'm sure you have other things to do.
Sam: You know, Cliff, Lilith's right. You've got your route to finish. We'll be here when you get back.
Lilith: Uh, gentlemen, I'm afraid the party is over. As enjoyable as this has been, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
[When Lilith opens the door, Paul and Phil are there]
Paul: Well, this must be the place.
Phil: He drives like a maniac.
Paul: How would you know? You were playing with my radio the whole way.
Phil: How can you listen to that crap?

Cliff: That's exactly why I never got married.
Paul: Oh, is that why, Cliff?
Cliff: Yeah, that's why.

Paul: [o.s.] [knocking] Hey, guys, I know you're having a party in there. Let me in.
Dr. Pascal: Who's that at the hatch?
Sam: That's nobody, nobody important.
Dr. Pascal: We'll see about that. [opens door]
Paul: So what's the big secret? What's going on?
Rebecca: Paul, we're being held hostage!
Paul: Fine, then don't tell me.
Dr. Pascal: Get with the others.
Paul: Actually, I don't belong with the others. I- I never quite fit in. Ask anyone.
Rebecca: No, he doesn't.

Carla: Looks like we lost again.
Norm: Well, Sammy, guess you're gonna have to fork over that 150 to Gary.
Sam: Uh, actually, we raised the stakes, remember fellas?
Norm: Oh, yeah, how much do you have to pay?
Sam: Well, it's... It's not money. It's uh... It's more like a, a little favor, actually.
Paul: Oh, yeah? What is it?
Sam: It's... It's something that people do everyday. Uh, uh, I'm going to, uh, need, uh, you three guys to help me out here.
Paul: Hey, just once I'd like to be included, huh?
Sam: All right, Paul, you're in.
Paul: Thank you. Thanks, I owe you Sammy.

Sam: Uh, Paul, Paul, can I talk to you in the office for a second, pal?
Paul: Oh, sure, Sammy, I get it. Uh, afraid of the new gunslinger in town, huh?
Sam: Yeah, that's, that's right, Paul.
Paul: What's the idea, Sammy? I've got major dish for the guys.
Sam: Yeah, I know. Paul, listen, l- I, heard about what happened between you and... you and Carla last night.
Paul: She's already been bragging about it, huh?
Sam: No. Not exactly, Paul.
Paul: You know, it was wild, Sammy. All that screaming and scratching. You should see the nail marks that are all up and down her back.

Sam: Okay, we got a deal? You're not gonna tell the guys?
Paul: I won't tell 'em. But listen, l... I don't know how you're gonna keep Carla from talking.
Sam: Well, I'll have this little conversation with her, too, okay?
Paul: Better be good. Hey, listen, while you're at it, could you just tell her gently that, uh this was just a one-night thing. Paulie don't need no clinging vines.
Sam: I'll... I'll let her down gently, Paul.