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Dick's Big Giant Headache Part 2

‘Dick's Big Giant Headache Part 2’

Season 4, Episode 24 -  Aired May 25, 1999

Dick struggles to adjust to his new position after the Big Giant Head (William Shatner) makes Sally the new High Commander. Meanwhile, Tommy prepares for his high school prom.

Quote from Vicki Dubcek

Vicki Dubcek: Um, doc-... Dr. Albright it would mean a great deal to me if you would deliver my child into this world.
Mary: What?
Vicki Dubcek: Well, you're the only doctor I trust.
Mary: Oh, Vicki, I- I'm not that kind of doctor.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh. I see. Just because I do not have insurance means I'm not a human being.


Quote from Vicki Dubcek

Vicki Dubcek: Okay, Tommy. Now, the thing about a cummerbund is that not only is it a nice accent to your ensemble, but you can also hide your stash in it.
Tommy: I'm not hiding a stash in it.
Vicki Dubcek: Oh. Well, you know, that's a good idea. You ought to hold it. They never search the girl.
Alissa: That's just great. I was worried about that, too. I'm leaving.
Vicki Dubcek: [laughs] She is the sweetest thing. You be good to her, Tommy. This is the most important night of her life.
Tommy: What about her wedding?
Vicki Dubcek: Ah! Weddings come and go. But a girl only has one junior prom. Of course some girls have none.
Harry: Hello, Vicki.
Vicki Dubcek: Excuse me. Tommy, did you hear anything? 'Cause I most certainly did not!

Quote from Vicki Dubcek

Vicki Dubcek: Hey, guys.
Tommy: Hi, Vicki. What are you doin' here?
Vicki Dubcek: Well, I was just sittin' at home- Hi. I was just sittin' at home feelin' lonesome, and I thought, hey, what the hell? It's never too late to go to your junior prom. [laughs]
Don: I'm not sure that's true.
Vicki Dubcek: [sobs]

Quote from Mary

Mary: Oh, it's nothing to be ashamed of, Dick. This happens to all men at some point in their life.
Dick: It does?
Mary: Sure. At least, I think so. I wouldn't really know. I've been batting kind of a thousand... up until now. [Dick groans] Oh, Dick, what's wrong?
Dick: Oh, I don't know. Ever since Stone got here-
Mary: Oh, enough about Stone! I knew his type back in college. Big man on campus. But you look past that flashy smile, sleep with him a couple of times, do kinky things you never thought you'd do, and then try for days to get him to answer the phone. Then you see the real him.
Dick: This isn't really the pep talk I was hoping for.

Quote from Sally

Sally: You know, you cannot order Harry around like that anymore, Dick. He outranks you now.
Dick: Oh, right. I forgot. I have too much cellulite on my ass to be a High Commander.
Tommy: Yeah, Dick. Maybe if you put on a wonder bra, you could get your job back.
Sally: Are you guys insinuating that I got this job because of the way I look?
Tommy: Who's insinuating? We're saying it right to your face.
Harry: Yeah.
Sally: This is so typical! When a woman with a body like this gets a promotion, everybody questions it. But if it were a man with a body like this, there wouldn't be any question!

Quote from Dick

Sally: Dick, Dick, Dick. [Dick yelps] Dick, wake up! Wake up, Dick!
Dick: [wakes up] Wha- Wha- Wha? Oh. Oh, Sally, thank god! I had the most horrible nightmare! I dreamt that the Big Giant Head came to earth! And he was an obnoxious, loudmouthed boob, and... and he made you High Commander, and and then I was eating a giant marshmallow and... Oh, my God! Where's my pillow?!
Sally: Dick. Get ahold of yourself, okay? Look. It wasn't a dream. He did make me High Commander.
Dick: And my pillow?
Sally: He, uh... He confiscated all our pillows for himself.

Quote from Dick

Dick: Oh, my God. Then it's true. Sally, get me some coffee.
Sally: Dick... [chuckles] I'm not getting you anything anymore. You work under me now, and you're just gonna have to get used to it.
Dick: Oh, great!
Sally: Now, get up and get dressed.
Dick: No.
Sally: That's an order!
Dick: An order? "High Commander Sally." That sounds real impressive. [lisps] Rally 'round, troops. High Commander Sally wants to go to the mall.
Sally: Did it ever occur to you that I might actually deserve this promotion?
Dick: Of course it didn't!

Quote from Sally

Sally: Ah. Good afternoon, Dick.
Dick: High Commander. Look, I- I just want to say I- I completely accept your new position and only hope that you will treat me with the same consideration and respect that I, as High Commander, showed you.
Sally: Of course. Get out of my chair.

Quote from Tommy

Tommy: You look really pretty tonight, Alissa.
Alissa: Thank you.
Big Giant Head: [head out the sun roof] Yee-haw!
Alissa: Tommy, I just have a question.
Tommy: Yeah.
Alissa: Who is this man, and what's he doing here ruining my life?
Big Giant Head: Yaaahhh! Whoo-hoo! Ha-- [choking] I think I swallowed a bug.

Quote from Don

Don: Hey, kids. Have you seen anything illegal goin' down? You know, smoking, drinking?
Tommy: No.
Don: Oh. Come on, cats. Old Donny's no square. I'm totally down with your awesome scene. Now, uh... which one of these kids is dancin' with Lucy in the sky with diamonds?

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