Frankie: Hey, Dr. Goodwin. Um, you said all expenses were being taken care of, right?
Dr. Goodwin: Yepperoonie.
Frankie: Oh, thank god. 'Cause we just got a bill by mistake for our room service and minibar charges.
Dr. Goodwin: Oh, no, now, they never pay for that. That's why I always bring my snack sack with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Frankie: But you said all expenses paid. That's what you said.
Dr. Goodwin: No, I distinctly remember saying y'all's expenses are paid. Not all y'all's.
Frankie: No, no, no, no, that can't be. I mean, how is anybody supposed to know that "all y'all's" is plural for "y'all's"?
Dr. Goodwin: Well, all y'all's would obviously be more than y'all's. I mean...
Mike: What is he saying? Do you speak hillbilly?
Frankie: Not well, but I think this hillbilly is telling us that we owe $674.
Dr. Goodwin: Ooh, y'all ordered a lot.

Mr. Ehlert: Come on down to Ehlert's Motors! We'll make you a deal! And remember, you don't have to plug our cars in to your house. Our cars run on good, old-fashioned American gas, not foreign electricity.

Jenna: Hi. I'm looking for...
Sue: Sue Heck? Well, look no further, 'cause you found her. I'm your mentor! [screams]
Jenna: Hey. Great to meet you. Jenna Taylor.
Sue: I know... Which is why I "Taylor" -made this binder for you. "Sue's tips for Sue-cess." Sit. This is chock ful of inside scoop to help you get through your freshman year. Notice I did not call it "frosh" year. Nobody calls it "frosh." I learned that one the hard way. So how about we dive right in? We have... Stuff to try out for, locker room dos and don'ts, funny things to say when you fall down the stairs.
Jenna: Wow. There lot more to try out for than in middle school. Pretty exciting.
Sue: It's incredibly exciting. Don't expect to make anything. As a freshman, that's off the table. But it's still good to try so you can, you know, get your face out there. And this is for you to keep.
Jenna: Wow. Lucky my mom bought me the big backpack.
Sue: Now we should probably talk at least three times a day. This is my cell. If I don't pick up, don't worry. My battery charger is on the fritz, and they discontinued it and the phone, like, 11 years ago. But if you're ever in a bind and you can't get ahold of me, kickinitteenstyle.com is an excellent resource for all of kinds of advice. It's kinda my Bible.

Axl: Is that true? Are you weenying out on getting us presents?
Mike: Calm down. Nobody's weenying out of anything. There'll be presents, just maybe not so many.
Sue: All 'cause of an orange?
Brick: What's the orange?
Axl: You remember. From our stockings. That stupid orange from when Mom used to live on the prairie and all she got for Christmas was an orange.
Frankie: Uh, it wasn't frontier days, it's your great-grandmother during the Depression. How old do you think I am?
Axl: God, I don't know. I try not to think about you.

Sue: Hi, Mr. Ehlert. Would you like to help...
Mr. Ehlert: No. Frances, you forgot to make coffee again. You got me walking like an idiot with a donut and nothing to dunk it in.
Frankie: Mr. Ehlert, how come I'm the one who's always asked to make the coffee? I'm beginning to think it's because I'm a woman.
Mr. Ehlert: Heh, of course it's because you're a woman! The day I start telling men to make coffee for women, you have my permission to put a bullet in my head. [chuckles]

Sean: Sue, people travel the whole world to find their soul mate, but mine has been right across the street all along. I don't know when I started feeling this way, maybe it was when my mom forced me to hold your hand at the zoo so you wouldn't get lost, I don't know. But what I know is that when we kissed, it was the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Everything about you makes me happy... the way you think, the way you smile. You get excited about everything... the muffin you just ate, the smell of chalk. You are walking sunshine, and I feel like a complete idiot for wasting a single minute by not telling you that. So, now you know how I feel, but you gotta tell me... what does this mean for you? Did you give this to me 'cause I'm your brother's friend? Or 'cause I'm your neighbor? I need you to be super clear with me here, Sue, because obviously we're not very good about being clear.
Sue: Is this clear enough? [kisses Sean]
Sean: I love you, Sue Heck.
Sue: I love you so much back. [they kiss again]

Brick: Wait. You went to Dairy Queen without me?
Axl: We went to a buttload of places without you. You were born last. We had, like, a whole life without you.
Sue: Yeah, we did, Brick. But I'm still glad you came along.
Brick: Really? You are? I always heard it was hard being the middle child.
Sue: Are you kidding me? I love it. I always felt lucky in the middle because I get to have an older brother and a younger brother. I get to be a big sister and a little sister. The middle is the safest place to be. You got love on both sides of you.
Brick: Hey, if you'd like that feeling tomorrow, I hear the middle seat has just recently become available.
Sue: Oh, nice try, Brick.
Brick: Huh. I guess Mom and Dad knew what they were doing after all. Axl had Sue, Sue had me, and I had a whole family waiting for me when the Fergusons finally brought me home. I guess three's a good number.
Axl: Yep. Three just feels right. It's all that fits in the back seat.
Sue: I think I just had my moment.

Big Mike: I've always been partial to this spot. This is where I asked your mom to marry me.
Mike: That's a great story, Dad, but what the hell's happening?
Axl: Yeah, Grandpa, are you sick?
Big Mike: Not yet, but it's just a matter of time. I'm sure the next few years are not going to be pretty, why belabor it? I'd rather just lie down, be covered by a blanket of snow, and just drift away.
Brick: But what if you're still alive in the morning?
Big Mike: Well, then, the next night'll get me for sure. Be a good boy and gather some leaves, make a death-pillow for Grandpa.

Axl: All right, look, I just broke up with April. And then Devin and Cassidy showed up. The universe is telling me to just hold off for now. You know, maybe I just got to hang out with my bros. And my bro. [snaps fingers]
Brick: Well, if you're not ready, you're not ready. But let me share a little story with you. There's a secondhand shop near school that I used to go to every day, and they had this zebra bookmark...
Axl: Write down "syrup pocket." I'll know what it means. Sorry. Continue.
Brick: Every time I'd go in the shop, I'd feel the bookmark. I loved it. The contrast between the black and white, the touch of the synthetic hair. And every day, I'd say, "Tomorrow, I'm gonna come back and buy it." But then I went in there one day, and it was gone.
Axl: If this is your super-not-subtle way of asking me to buy you a bookmark, it's not working.
Brick: Uh, I guess the analogy is clearer to me because I like my women like I like my bookmarks... long and skinny. You've seen Cindy. Growl!
Axl: I'm uncomfortable.

Brick: Anyway, at first, I was looking forward to going, but now I'm worried. What am I gonna say to a bunch of jocks? Can you give me some football terms to use so I don't embarrass myself trying to fit into the conversational bouquet?
Mike: Uh, first of all, I'd steer clear of "bouquet." Second, just talk about anything. Just be yourself.
Brick: Should I talk about Charlie Rose?
Mike: No. Why would you do that?
Brick: Well, I like his interviewing style. The way he takes one topic and really delves into it.
Mike: Um, just talk, like, uh, "Hey, what class are you in? Where'd you get those sneakers?"
Brick: You're giving me tall-guy advice. That all works coming from you. If I did it, I'm just the weirdo paying too much attention to people's shoes.