Mike: Oh, man. I ordered ribs, and I didn't like them, so I ordered a steak. I was living like Caesar up here. And, Frankie, seriously? Dry cleaning?
Frankie: They folded my underwear. It made me feel special. But what about you? Shoeshine? What are you, running for congress?
Mike: I thought all expenses were paid. It seemed nuts not to do it.
Frankie: Let's just run, Mike. Let's just grab the soap and Kleenex and run.
Mike: We can't. We gave them a credit card... the good one.
Dr. Goodwin: Ooh, boy, I got to say, y'all are in quite a pickle.
Mike: [Southern accent] Are we? Are we in a pickle? Have we done and done it? Are we long-tail cats in a room full of rockers?
Frankie: Mike, calm down. That is not helping anything. Now, look, I will think of something, but in the meantime, take the robe off, Hef. That costs 60 bucks. Take the other one out of my suitcase.

Axl: Okay, we'll start with the basic categories of lies. Number one... personal tragedy. You're dying, a friend's dying, Grandma's dying. You get the picture. It's old school, but it totally works. It does, however, require a certain shady moral compass.
Sue: I could never do that to Grandma. She just sent fudge.
Axl: Well, there's the "appeal to their humanity" lie. You call up the professor and say, "I could tell you a lie, but I respect you too much."
Sue: Wait, so am I lying or not lying?
Axl: That might be a little advanced for you. There is a new category that's very promising. The "I identify with the opposite gender and have issues" lie. The only downside is you have to live the next four years as a man. It's a big commitment.

Axl: Oh, I'm telling you, Sue, that was great. You took the lie, you internalized it, then you externalized it all over your professor. Impressive.
Sue: Oh, thank you. It felt good. Well, not the throwing-up part, but the make-up test is awesome.
Axl: Damn, Sue, you crushed it. You have just graduated summa cum blabbity-blah from the University of Axl.
Sue: Aww. Listen, I know I was a little hostile about having you here at first, but now I'm kind of glad you're my roommate.
Axl: [chuckles] Actually, was your roommate.
Sue: What? Where are you going?
Axl: I'm like Mary Poppins. I've helped you. Now it's time for me to move on and help others. And in this case, "others" are two super-hot chicks that live above Donovan's market that'll let me sleep on their beanbag for a week.
Sue: But it won't be the same here without you.
Axl: Of course it won't, but when the fudge returns, so shall I.
Sue: Wait. [hands Axl the inflatable palm tree] Bye.