Eleanor: You guys, this is nuts. This morning, I found a lottery ticket on the ground outside my apartment. I scratched it off... and I won $18,000!
Chidi: Wow!
Jason: That's amazing!
Tahani: Better luck next time. Yes. Sorry, from context, I see that is actually a large sum of money.

Eleanor: Why do you want to watch football with Jason?
Tahani: I don't, really. But I am, these days, as you might say in America... "mad horny".
Eleanor: Oh! OK, well... Oh, boy. No judgments, babe. He's a straight hottie. You want to smash Jason, go smash.

Tahani: I would like to acknowledge the wonderful group of people who brought me here. If I hadn't decided to get out of the spotlight of my "Get Out of the Spotlight" Tour, and come here and join the Brainy Bunch, I never would have reconnected with Larry. [crowd exclaims] So, to celebrate our group... I had my favorite patissier whip this up. Would any of you like to say a few words? Eleanor! Yay, Eleanor!

Eleanor: What the hell is that?
Michael: [chuckles] Oh! Hey, guys. What are you doing down here?
Chidi: Well, we came to get more champagne which is right behind... that magic door.
[As Michael closes the door, the portal disappears]
Michael: What door?
Eleanor: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's going on? Who are you, and why were you talking about us?
Tahani: And what's the "Good Place," and what are "afterlife points" and who has the most and... is it me?

Michael: Let's remember the mission. Your father needs to focus on long-term stability.
Tahani: Also, and perhaps this is less important, but there's an awful lot of dog hair on the furniture, and I have not seen a dog.

Jason: These paintings... they're us.
Chidi: You're the boobs? Sorry. Once Jason said it, that's all I can see.
Kamilah: Here we go. What? [Tahani hugs Kamilah] Tahani, what are you doing? Stop it.
Tahani: No. I'm going to hug you because I love you and because you feel just as alone as I do. I'm sorry our parents were such wankers. And I understand that you can't accept my apology because that would quench your creative thirst. They forced us to compete, and that competition has fueled your art for decades. It's so awful, and I'm so sorry. [both sigh]
Kamilah: They were wankers, weren't they?
Tahani: Ah! The absolute biggest wankers on Earth.

[flashback:]
Tahani: Oh, a lizard was a perfect choice, Eleanor. You both have combination skin.
Eleanor: Thanks. Hey, this is a weird question to ask. I'll just throw it out there. Can I ride your centaur?
Tahani: I'm afraid T'Hania's quite particular about whom she allows to ride her. I tried, and she gave me a withering stare. Turns out centaurs are a bit tricky.
Eleanor: You didn't have like a stable full of horses growing up?
Tahani: Oh, of course, but they just pulled our carriages, or performed in our horse ballets. They weren't so... what's the word? Judgmental.
Centaur: With whom can I speak about acquiring new shoes? You can't expect me to walk around in these flats all day, like some common glue factory, hobo horse.

Eleanor: Tahani, can I ask your advice about something?
Tahani: Is it about your grating speaking voice? I'm so glad you finally brought it up. Because, honestly, with a few elocution lessons...
Eleanor: No, I wanna ask you about Chidi. What's wrong with my voice?
Tahani: Nothing. It's lovely. Tell me about Chidi.

Tahani: Nope, nope. I'm flattered you would seek my advice. Though, I suppose, it makes sense. I'm sure the one constant in all the reboots is that you and I are best friends.
Eleanor: Uh-huh. Yep. Mm-hmm.
Tahani: Look, I don't think you would want Chidi to know what happened in the past unless you wanted it to happen again in the present. You can't know how Chidi will react. It may be painful but it's never a bad idea to tell someone how you feel.
Eleanor: Thanks, Tahani. You give really good advice. And you made a really hot centaur.
Tahani: Sorry?

Eleanor: Guys. Guys, guys, guys.
Chidi: Uh-oh. Michael looks like me. That's bad.
Eleanor: Fun little update. Michael was feeling a bit overwhelmed. So, new plan. I'm now the architect. And stop making those faces because I already told John, and there's no going back now.
Tahani: Well, if I could pick anyone to impersonate an immortal deity... Well, it would be me. But if it couldn't be me, it'd be you.