Laurie: I'm gonna pray for you, Eric.
Eric: You're the devil. And, uh, did you know that Laurie's flunking out of college?
Red: Don't change the subject.

Laurie: So, I understand you have the wagon now. I want to borrow it tomorrow night. I need it.
Eric: Okay. But I need a favor.
Laurie: For you? I don't think so.
Eric: Come on. Look, just tell Mom I'm too old for surprise parties.
Laurie: But you're the baby, and Mama loves her baby.
Eric: If you do it, you can borrow the Vista Cruiser.
Laurie: All night.
Eric: All night? Fine.
Laurie: Then, it's a deal, baby.

Laurie: Okay, I'd love to stay, but I'm leaving.
Eric: Hey, buy us some beers? We'll pay double.
Laurie: Do you really think that beer will make your little party better?
All: Yes.
Laurie: I admit it would give you young people a sense of maturity but it would be a false maturity, and that would be wrong.
Eric: So you're not going to do it?
Laurie: Of course not. Now, I'm going off to join my legal friends at a party with a keg. Bye.

Red: Get Kate settled into your room.
Eric: Yeah.
Laurie: Yeah, and don't forget to show her your GI Joe dolls.
Eric: That's such a good idea. That'll give you a chance to tell Dad about that professor you're dating.
Red: What?
Laurie: Dad, he's joking.

Laurie: [spiking Eric's punch] Merry Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum.

Kitty: Okay, now, here you go. Punch and cookies, just like I promised.
Eric: No, Mom! Mom!
Laurie: Eric, Mom made it for you. The least you could do is drink a lot of it.

Laurie: Oh, boy, that's terrible the way she treats you.
Kelso: Right?
Laurie: You know, I saw Star Wars and I'm not a movie expert, but I think it's safe to say it was the greatest film of all time.
Kelso: Finally someone who understands!
Laurie: Yeah. You know, Kelso, I always thought you were kind of dumb.
Kelso: Uh-huh.
Laurie: But I don't care. [kisses Kelso]
Kelso: You know, I don't either.

Laurie: Hey, little brother, I made out with Kelso.
Eric: Shut up!
Laurie: What is wrong with you?
Eric: Everything's wrong. Donna's mad at me and the plant's closing, Dad's out of a job.
Laurie: Oh, wow. Guess this is a bad time to tell him I flunked out of college.
Eric: You know what, Laurie? I cannot believe that you're the favorite.
Laurie: Yeah, doesn't it kick ass?

Laurie: Mom, what is with all this food?
Kitty: Well, you know, busy hands are happy hands. [laughs] Oh, say, would you like a cup of chili with your waffles?
Laurie: Um, I don't know. Sure.

Laurie: [inner monologue] Life is so complicated. You get old and die. Thank God I'm still young and hot.