Laurie: This is all your fault.
Eric: Yeah. Hey, Laurie, uh, quick impression: Who am I? "Hey, Eric, why don't you tell Dad you're moving after graduation so he'll kill you and I can reclaim my rightful place as the chosen one?"
Laurie: Eric, you don't understand. This time I actually meant well.
Eric: That's what you said at the county fair after you locked me in the Porta-Potty with a goat.
Laurie: He was friendly.
Eric: He was horny!

Laurie: Hey, little brother. Hey, hubby.
Fez: Don't "hubby" me. I'm mad at you.
Laurie: Aw. But I brought you a souvenir.
Eric: Oh, look, Fez. A genuine Cancun shot glass, still sticky with tequila.
Fez: Oh, you shouldn't have.
Laurie: No biggie. Some guy left it in my room.

Laurie: We got another present.
Red: No, no. Don't open it, 'cause we're not keeping it. Whoa. Look at that saw.
Laurie: It's from Billy Schneider down at the hardware store. He's had a crush on me ever since I went ladder shopping in that miniskirt.