Jackie: So the cops caught you doing it? Oh, my God! Oh, my God. That is such a turn on!
Donna: That is not a turn on. You're a little pervert. Jackie, I have a big problem. How am I gonna tell my parents?
Jackie: Okay, if you need to use the bathroom, you should go now. Cause I have a lot to say.
Donna: No, I'm fine, thanks.
Jackie: Okay. You're first mistake was wearing pants for car-sex. When you do it in the car, skirts are your best friend! Zip-zap, bim-bam, you're done, you're dressed, you're back at the mall!
Donna: Jackie, I'm screwed. If I tell my parents, only one of two things could happen. Either they'll be furious, or they'll ask me how it was.

Jackie: Donna, we're supposed to be friends. Would it have killed you to say, "I know you love him, but Michael's a jerk"?
Donna: Jackie, I think my exact words were, "I know you love him, but Michael's a jerk." So... have you seen Kelso since...?
Jackie: No. I mean, he's a liar and a cheater. Ugh, maybe that's how all guys are.
Donna: I know how you feel. Like, it's bad enough what Eric did to Mr. Bonkers. Then he lied to me.
Jackie: Yeah. Eric put off telling you something because he didn't want to hurt you. Whoo! That is so much worse than cheating on you with another woman. Oh, wait. No, it's not!
Donna: Oh. Wow. I guess Eric was just trying to be nice. Maybe I'm overreacting.
Jackie: Look. Let me tell you something, Donna. Until goody-goody Eric cheats on you with your stupid dead cat, I suggest you shut up.

Laurie: Next time we go hiking, make sure you bring a blanket. I think I have a twig in my shorts.
Hyde: What a coincidence. So does Kelso.
Jackie: Burn!
Kelso: Okay, okay. Nice burn. Hi, Jackie.
Jackie: Oh, look. It's Michael and his community chest.
Hyde: Nice.

Donna: He usually gives me a kiss good-bye.
Jackie: Yeah. To be honest, it kinda grosses me out.
Donna: Wait, Jackie, should I be worried that he's spending so much time with Shelly?
Jackie: Okay, well, normally I'd say yeah, but Eric would never cheat on you. I mean, all guys cheat. But I never really thought of Eric as a guy. Yeah, he's more like a- like a really masculine girl.
Donna: Uh-huh.
Jackie: Yeah, kind of like you.

Jackie: And then Steven said, "That's cool." But not like "cool." More like he's jealous.
Donna: Jackie, or he just thinks it's cool.
Jackie: Donna, it is so romantic. Just like West Side Story. Yeah, but without the dancing and the Puerto Ricans. Wait. Is Fez Puerto Rican?
Donna: You know what? I don't know.
Jackie: Huh.

Jackie: Donna, be nice to me. I'm lonely. I mean, okay, if there were mistletoe over me right now who would kiss me? No one. That's who.
Donna: Being alone isn't that bad. It's a great opportunity to get to know yourself and be comfortable with who you are.
Jackie: Donna, I already love myself. I just wanna French someone.

Donna: Eric, it's okay. I knew you weren't gonna go. You're a really responsible guy. I love and hate that about you. Well, since, uh... Since Mr. Smock here is being all logical, I guess I'll have to take one of you losers.
Jackie: Take a loser where?
Donna: Zeppelin.
Jackie: Zeppelin? Oh, my God! That's a band, right?

Jackie: Michael, I have never dined and dashed, and I'm not about to start now.
Kelso: Uh, well... Remember when we went to nice restaurants and I told you to wait in the car while I paid? Did you ever wonder why I was running to the car?
Jackie: Oh, my God. I'm a thief.
Hyde: I think technically you're an accessory.
Eric: Which should make you happy, because you love accessories: earrings, bracelets, bangles, bows...
Jackie: Shut up!

Jackie: You know, Michael, I'm really enjoying our time together.
Kelso: Really? Me too.
Jackie: Yeah, you know, the makeup, shopping, braiding each other's hair... You are like the girlfriend I never had.
Kelso: Oh. Well, thanks, Jackie. W-Wait. Girlfriend?
Jackie: [giggles] Yeah. I mean, Donna's nice and everything but she kinda dresses like a trucker.

Donna: So, it's just not fair. He doesn't, like, get my friends 'cause he has some stupid, crappy basement.
Jackie: Right! You helped make that basement what it is today.
Donna: Right. No one would even go over there before me. It smelled like feet.
Jackie: Donna, you have to fight back. Okay, when a couple splits up, the woman deserves her fair share of the life she helped build.
Donna: How much is that?
Jackie: All of it! Donna, it's the law.
Donna: You know, normally, that statement would really offend me. But now that I'm single and pissed, you're making a lot of sense.