Donna: Well, why didn't you, like, you know, use something?
Jackie: Look, I would have but my cousin Carla told me that I could not get pregnant for eight days after my period.
Donna: Okay. Eight days after your first day or your last day?
Jackie: I don't know. Carla never called me back. Oh, my God, Donna, having this child is gonna ruin my whole life.
Donna: Well, yeah.
Jackie: I'll have to wear flats, I'll gain weight, I'll be too fat to cheer.
Donna: Not to mention the fact you'll have a baby to take care of.

Donna: So my parents are fighting all the time and they want me to choose sides. But I can't because they're both idiots. I don't know. I mean, I really think they're gonna get a divorce.
Jackie: Oh, my God, Donna, I am so sorry. But you know what? That very thing happened to a good friend of mine and now she has twice as much stuff, twice as much clothes, and her parents even fought over who got to buy her a car.
Donna: I mean, you're right, Jackie. This whole divorce thing could actually work to my advantage.
Jackie: Exactly.
Donna: Yeah, I just have to make it very clear that my love is contingent on how much they buy me.
Jackie: Why am I even talking to you about this? You have a great handle on it.
Donna: Excuse me, um, Jackie, when exactly did you lose your soul?
Jackie: Um... cheerleading camp.

Jackie: In a way, I don't blame Fez. I'm very appealing.
Donna: I just can't believe he kissed you. That's...
Jackie: Donna, I have to confess something. It wasn't terrible.
Donna: How not terrible?
Jackie: It was the best kiss of my life! I mean, Fez is totally not an option, 'cause he's foreign and everything, but... Michael has never kissed me like that.
Donna: What was so good about it?
Jackie: Do you know when Fez talks, he sometimes rolls his R's?
Donna: Yeah.
Jackie: Well, that's what he did in my mouth!

Hyde: You know, that's when everybody turned against me. They pegged me as a bad kid. And once that happens, you're labeled forever. You ruined my life, Forman.
Jackie: No, he didn't. Hyde, no offense, but with an alcoholic mom and an absent dad, you were bound to end up in jail sooner or later. Hyde, I said, "No offense."

Donna: And then he punched me in the arm and said, "Man!"
Jackie: Oh, my God. What a horrible disaster. Well, go on!
Donna: I guess I, like, totally screwed things up. 'Cause ever since I said, "I love you," he's been acting so weird.
Jackie: Okay, wait a second. I'm a little confused. Why did you say, "I love you"?
Donna: Because I love him?
Jackie: Oh! Donna, that's got nothing to do with it! You are way too young to be saying, "I love you."
Donna: Shut up, Jackie. You say it to Kelso all the time, and you're, like, younger than me.
Jackie: Not in love years. All right, look, Eric doesn't know how to handle that kind of thing. You probably just scared him off. All you can do right now is play it cool for a while, turn down the emotional heat, and, Donna, God willing, he'll forget you threw yourself at him.
Donna: I know it sounds impossible, but what you just said actually makes sense.
Jackie: Look, the sooner you realize I'm a genius, the better off we'll both be.

Jackie: So nothing happened?
Donna: Well, you know, some things happened. But we mostly slept.
Jackie: You mean you were in his bed and he didn't whine and beg for, like, two hours until you're so sick of hearing his stupid voice that you just gave in so he would shut up?
Donna: No. I love him. He just, like, held me all night.
Jackie: Oh, my God! That's so sweet. Michael's just after me all the time. I mean, I understand 'cause I'm sexy and all, but still. Like, okay, he always, says, "Why cuddle when we can do it?"
Donna: Well, was he always like that?
Jackie: No. No, I guess things kind of changed after we did it. But in a good way.
Donna: I love it when Eric holds me.
Jackie: Yeah. I love it when Michael buys me stuff.

Jackie: Oh, my God. You guys. Guess who's gonna be in the Miss Dairy Princess Pageant?
Fez: Oh, I know. A cow?
Jackie: No. Me!
Donna: A beauty pageant?
Jackie: Yeah! I mean, look, Donna, it's not enough that we know I'm prettier than everyone else. I want the world to know!
Donna: And what better way to do it than go on stage and parade around like a piece of meat?
Jackie: I know! I know!

Jackie: Donna, I'm gonna have dinner parties all the time when I'm Mrs. Michael Kelso Esquire. Just think about it.
Donna: Do I have to?
Jackie: Oh, shh.
[fantasy: Kelso is at the piano as Jackie and friends are all smartly-dressed in her parents' reception room:]
Kelso: [sings] So they sprinkled moondust In your hair And golden starlight In your eyes of blue
Jackie: They're brown.
Kelso: I know. [laughs]
Eric: [laughs] Oh, Kelso, you little so and so. I'd nary a notion of your songbird ways, having thought you merely a captain of industry and a king among men.
Kelso: My word. Cease your fawning and let us discuss the fox hunt. But first, I crave a French pastry. Where's the help?
Fez: [enters] [British accent] Apologies, good sire. I was in the stables brushing the horses, secretly entertaining notions of a sensual tryst with a lady. [all laugh]
Eric: Top drawer! Top drawer.
[reality:]
Jackie: [laughs] "Top drawer."

Kelso: Jackie, this is for you.
Jackie: Oh, my God. Pink and purple with a unicorn. You remembered!
Kelso: Of course I remember. I remember everything you tell me, even when you think I don't.
Jackie: Really? What's my favorite season?
Kelso: Fall?
Jackie: Why?
Kelso: Uh, the outfits flatter your chestnut eyes.
Jackie: And?
Kelso: Slimming lines and dark colors.
Jackie: Oh, my God, Michael! When you started acting like an immature jerk, I started having doubts about us, but now this purple and pink unicorn candy dish proves you're a grown-up. Oh!

Donna: Jackie, did you ever think that maybe you hate Patty because you like Fez?
Jackie: Oh, you are in dangerous territory, Pinciotti.
Donna: No, I mean, it's true. You hate seeing Fez drool over someone other than you.
Jackie: You're crazy. I don't like Fez.
Donna: I think you do.
Jackie: Oh, shut up.
Donna: Jackie, you're blushing! [Jackie pinches Donna's arm] Ow!
Jackie: I'll admit that, uh... Fez would be okay for a quick fling if I was off on a vacation with my parents, like in Michigan or Cuba. Where no one would ever find out! Ever, ever, ever!