TV Quotes

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Is Florida not hot and muggy enough for these people? They love heat. I mean, if they ever decide to land men on the sun, I think these old retired guys would be the only ones that will be able to handle it. They'll just sit there on the sun, on the redwood benches, washcloth on the head going: "I'm trying to get a sweat going."

Jerry: What is going on in this community! Are you people aware of what's happening? What is driving you to this behavior? Is it the humidity? Is it the Muzak? Is it the white shoes?

Helen Seinfeld: I hope you packed enough. This trial could last for weeks.
Morty Seinfeld: What's all that?
Helen Seinfeld: Cereal.
Morty Seinfeld: You're packing cereal?
Helen Seinfeld: I'm bringing it for Jerry.
Morty Seinfeld: You got enough here for a life sentence.
Helen Seinfeld: He likes it. He says he misses that more that anything.
Morty Seinfeld: So bring a snack-pack.

Helen Seinfeld: Jerry, let's go, it's time to eat. We're going to dinner.
Jerry: Dinner? W- What time is it?
Helen Seinfeld: It's 4:30.
Jerry: 4:30? Who eats dinner at 4:30?
Morty Seinfeld: By the time we sit down, it'll be quarter to five.
Jerry: I don't understand why we have to eat now.
Helen Seinfeld: We gotta catch the early-bird. It's only between 4:30 and 6:00.
Morty Seinfeld: Yeah. They give you a tenderloin, a salad and a baked potato, for $4.95. You know what that cost you after 6?
Jerry: Can't we eat at a decent hour? I'll treat, okay?
Helen Seinfeld: You're not buying us dinner.
Jerry: I'm not force-feeding myself a steak at 4:30 to save a couple of bucks, I'll tell you that!
Helen Seinfeld: All right, we'll wait. But it's unheard of.