D.A. Hoyt: So you met Jerry Seinfeld in a health club sometime in 1993?
Sidra: Yes.
D.A. Hoyt: And you also met Miss Benes in that same health club?
Sidra: Yes, that's true.
D.A. Hoyt: Would you describe the circumstances of that meeting.
Sidra: We were in the sauna, making chit-chat.
[flashback to Elaine tumbling into Sidra's breasts in the sauna]
D.A. Hoyt: So, she pretended to trip, and she fell into your breasts?
Sidra: Yes.
D.A. Hoyt: Why would she do something like that?
Sidra: Because he sent her in there to find out if they were real.

Pharmacist: Sponges. I don't mean the kind you clean your tub with. They're for sex. Said she needed a whole case of them.

D.A. Hoyt: How did she try to kill you?
Mr. Pitt: She tried to smother me with a pillow.

Elaine: Come in.
Jerry: Are you okay in here?
Elaine: Why is it so hot in here? How can they sleep like this?
Jerry: It's only for three days. Today's over and we have tomorrow. We leave on Sunday. It's one day, really.
Elaine: Oh, man. What is with this bar? It's right in my back. It's killing me.
Jerry: Oh, you wanna switch? I'm sleeping on a love seat. I've got my feet up in the air like I'm in a space capsule.
Elaine: I am never gonna fall asleep.
Jerry: Oh, don't say that. You'll jinx me.
Elaine: How can they not put the air conditioning on?
Jerry: They're nuts with temperature.
Elaine: This bar is right in my back! It's making a dent.
Jerry: How about that guy writing a check for 19.45?
Elaine: I'm sweating here. I'm in bed, sweating.
Jerry: It's one day. Half a day, really. I mean you subtract showers and meals, it's like twenty minutes. It will go by like that. [snaps fingers]

George: What are you doing?
Elaine: I got a pebble.
Jerry: Boy, I never heard of that happening to a woman?
Elaine: What the hell does that mean?

Jerry: Well, let's look back at your history with this woman. Okay?
Elaine: Okay.
Jerry: First, you encouraged her to join the army. She did.
Elaine: She was lost.
Jerry: Then you suggest she goes AWOL. She did.
Elaine: Well, she didn't seem to be having so much fun.
Jerry: You know, you better make sure you never tell this woman to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.
Elaine: Well, if I have this much influence, I'll call her and tell her to get back together with him. That's all.

Elaine: It's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Mandel: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Elaine: Yeah, yeah. That's right. That's what led to [clears throat] Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Mandel: Interesting take. So you believe that had he not been so enthusiastic, he could have averted disaster.
Elaine: Yes. Yes, that's right. You see... You see, Billy Mumphrey was a simple country boy, some might say a cockeyed optimist, who got caught up in the dirty game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Mandel: So it was more a question of attitude than politics.
Elaine: Yes. Yes, Mr. Mandel.

George: Maybe we should call her.
Elaine: Well, who's gonna call?
Jerry: You are.
Elaine: What? Why is it me who always has to do these things?
Jerry: Because that's your thing!
Elaine: What? Calling people I hardly know, and demanding they return expensive gifts? That's my thing?
Jerry: Yeah, that's your thing.
Elaine: All right, give me the phone. It's my thing.

Elaine: Do you know that I have been using the same bottle of shampoo for a year? And I shampoo every day. [Carl is silent] So, what do you think of my conversation?
Carl: Not much. [both laugh] I, uh, would have invited you up, but I don't have any furniture.
Elaine: You don't have any furniture?
Carl: No, I hate furniture. I can't look at it. [they laugh again]
Elaine: Well, I can understand that. Pretty good date, huh?
Carl: Yeah. No heavy lifting. [they kiss]

[Elaine, with curly black hair is wearing a white rain coat with her hood pulled up. As she steps forward to talk to the bed-bound Father Hernandez, the light shines in through the window.]
Elaine: Hello, Father.
Father Hernandez: Oh. La Madonna! Madre de Christo! Yo estoy lista!