Jerry: Ah, the drunken make-out. An office classic. Did you end up xeroxing anything?
Elaine: Do you know how embarrassing this is to someone in my position?
Jerry: What's your position?
Elaine: I am an associate.
George: Hey, me too.
Waitress: Yeah, me too.
Elaine: Oh, God. Why did I do this? Now I'm the office skank.
George: Well, unless you tell everybody you're dating.
Elaine: Oh, right. Because if we're dating, what everyone saw was just a beautiful moment between two lovers.
Jerry: As opposed to a spirited bout of skanko Roman wrestling.
Elaine: Oh, bravo.

Elaine: Guess what I ate.
George: An ostrich burger.
Elaine: No. A $29,000 piece of cake. Peterman got it at The Duke and Duchess of Windsor auction. It was the most romantic thing I've ever eaten.
Jerry: How'd it taste?
Elaine: A little stale.
Jerry: Yeah.

Elaine: Do you have anything that's been, you know, laying around for a while? Something prewar would be just great.

J. Peterman: Elaine, stay. Lubeck here is the world's foremost appraiser of vintage pastry. [Lubeck inspects the cake] All right, Lubeck. How much is she worth?
Lubeck: I'd say about 219.
J. Peterman: [laughs] $219,000! Lubeck, you glorious tit-willow. You just made me a profit of $190,000.
Lubeck: No, $2.19. It's an Entenmann's.
J. Peterman: Do they have a castle at Windsor?
Lubeck: No. They have a display case at the end of the aisle.
J. Peterman: Oh, good lord.
Lubeck: You all right, Peterman? You look ill.
Elaine: [sings] Get well, get well soon, we want you to get well. Get well, get well soon we want you to get well.

Elaine: [inner monologue] I wonder if anyone knows he's here. If he just disappeared, would anybody notice?
Phone Man: All right, Miss Benes, all finished. Here's your new number.
Elaine: Ahem. 646? What is this?
Phone Man: That's your new area code.
Elaine: I thought 646 was just for new numbers.
Phone Man: This is a new number.
Elaine: No, no, no, no. It's not a new number. It's- It's- It's just a changed number. See? It's not different. It's the same, just... changed.
Phone Man: Look, I work for the phone company. I've had a lot of experience with semantics, so don't try to lure me into some maze of circular logic.
Elaine: You know, I could've killed you, and no one would've known.
Phone Man: I could've killed you, and no one would've known.

Man: You're probably one of those women who doesn't like to give out her number.
Elaine: No, I'm not. Here you go.
Man: 646?
Elaine: It's a new area code.
Man: What area? New Jersey?
Elaine: No, no. It's right here in the city. It's the same as 212. They just multiplied it by 3, and then they added one to the middle number. It's the same.
Man: Do I have to dial a one first? [Elaine nods, so he crumples up his piece of paper] I'm really kinda seeing somebody.
Elaine: Yeah? Well, so am I!

Elaine: [on the phone] Bobby, you gotta stop calling your Gammy. Why? Because sometimes you call very early in the morning when Gammy has been out late the night before and sometimes when Gammy's not alone. Your parents still haven't said anything to you about your Gammy? [sighs] All right, here we go. [coughing] Gammy doesn't feel so good. [coughs] I think Gammy might be dying. Yep. Yep. Okay. Good-bye, Bobby. Don't call anymore. I'm dead now. Gotta go.

Announcer: [on radio] And the Mets score two in the eighth inning.
Jerry: See? If we had stayed, we could have seen those runs.
George: I could have had some ice cream. I think that might have calmed down the nachos.
Elaine: I'm going to miss 60 Minutes. You know, I hate to miss 60 Minutes. It's part of my Sunday weekend wind-down.
Jerry: I don't know how you can unwind with that clock ticking. It makes me anxious.

Elaine: Oh, I forgot to call Jill. [on cell phone] Jill. Hi, it's Elaine. How is your father? Is everything okay? What? I can't hear you so good. There's a lot of static. What? I'm going to call you back. [hangs up]
Jerry: Jill's father is in the hospital and you call to ask about him on a cell phone?
Elaine: What? No good?
Jerry: Faux pas.
Elaine: Faux pas?
George: Big hefty, stinking faux pas.
Elaine: Why?
Jerry: You can't make a health inquiry on a cell phone. It's like saying "I don't want to take up any of my important time in my home so I'll just get it out of the way on the street."
George: And the street cell phone call is the lowest phone call you can make.
Jerry: It's an act of total disregard. It's selfish.
George: It's dismissive.
Jerry: It's pompous.
George: Why don't you think before you do something?
Elaine: Here's a thought. Bye-bye. [walks off]
George: [to Jerry] Too much?

Elaine: Oh, I got it. How about Russia?
Jerry: Russia. It's so bleak.
Elaine: It's not bleak, it's springtime.
Jerry: It's still bleak.
Elaine: You can't be bleak in spring.
Jerry: You can be bleak in spring.
George: If you're bleak, you're bleak.