Johnny: It sorta looks like people are running away from your movie, Moira.
Moira: You! Look what you have done!
Alexis: Look what I've done? This was your idea, and now I have to pay Ronnie for damage to her carpet!
David: What were the crows even doing there in the first place?
Alexis: It's called an immersive experience, David!
David: Immersed in lawsuits maybe.
Moira: Alexis, make it stop!

Ted: [on Skype] Let's talk about you! Everyone here has been watching your video! And to think it was all fake?
Alexis: Totally fake. Isn't that wild? And all of these PR agencies from New York are calling to ask me how I did it.
Ted: How did you do it?
Alexis: Um, it's like a little bit too complicated to explain over this.

Alexis: [phone rings] Oh! It's Buzzfeed calling about the 10 goriest Clara Mandrake accidents from the film.
Moira: Best we take it.

Alexis: Um, but the more I've been thinking about it, the more I feel... like...
Ted: [on Skype] I think you should stay where you are.
Alexis: ...maybe I should stay here.
Ted: Sorry, did, did you say something?
Alexis: No. Um... What did you say?
Ted: I can't have you come here, Alexis. You'll hate it. And I'm not just saying that because the screens that I installed are actually attracting more bugs somehow. But you'd be leaving everything that you're doing to come here, and... I can't guarantee that there won't have another trip that takes me away for days at a time. D-don't get me wrong, I want you here so bad, but I know you. And no matter how many juicers I buy, this place just won't feel like home. Sorry. I can't tell if the screen's frozen, or if you're just really shocked. But if you still want to come, I'm not gonna tell you not to.
Alexis: No, no, no, no. Um... you've made some very valid points.
Ted: Yeah. I didn't even tell you about the shared bathroom situation.
Alexis: Okay, well... maybe you could've led with that. Would've saved us some time.

Alexis: Ugh, how did I fall for this? Cults prey on sad, weak, vulnerable people.
Jocelyn: I'll try not to take that personally.
Alexis: I've just been so desperate to like throw myself into work, and I clearly missed all the signs and now I've like endangered all of us.

Ted: They wanna make me a permanent part of the research team in the Galapagos.
Alexis: Okay, define permanent.
Ted: It's a three year contract.
Alexis: Okay, that's a long time.
Ted: Yeah, I just, I keep waiting for things to get easier for us.
Alexis: So um, what are you gonna tell them?
Ted: I, I don't know, I mean I had three plane rides to think about it and, and I wanted to have a solution by the time I got here, but... seeing you, I don't wanna lose this.
Alexis: Okay, so what do we, what do we do? Do I like move to the Galapagos?
Ted: Or I move back here.
Alexis: And turn down your dream job. Okay, this just got like very heavy. I feel like I'm sweating, I also feel like very cold.
Ted: Yeah. I, I took the weekend because I want us to have a few days to talk about it, but then...
Alexis: Yeah, no, the milk, I know. Um, Ted, I think I'm gonna need a minute. You know that I can't make big decisions under pressure, that's how I ended up with a pixie cut at prom.
Ted: There has to be a way through this.
Alexis: I liked this a whole lot more before we started talking.

Twyla: So the set menu for tonight is mozzarella sticks, four cheese lasagne, and a blueberry cheesecake for dessert.
Ted: Huh, that's a lot of dairy.
Alexis: All of your cheat day favourites. Also, I may have forgotten about the whole milk situation.

Johnny: Hi honey, everything okay?
Alexis: Yeah, everything is great. My life is going, like, really, really great right now!
Johnny: Oh, well, that's, uh, that's good.
Alexis: Here's a fun thing, I just got dumped by a man who wears three medic-alert bracelets.

Alexis: They need you. And all I'm saying is, as your publicist and your daughter, and now the moderator of the Sunrise Bay fan forum, there's more to this story. And if you wanna go through with this after watching that video? Just remember that there is nothing wrong with asking for what you deserve.
Moira: Perhaps a little more housework and little less mouse work might do you some good, Alexis. But thank you for your pair of pennies.

Alexis: Okay. Also, and don't worry. I knew you'd get all panic-y and weird about this, so I'm looking for a two bedroom. You're welcome.
David: Okay. What if my husband and I don't wanna share an apartment with you?
Alexis: Oh, David, you try finding an affordable one-bedroom in a place that's not Atlantic City.