Winston: On one very late and very desperate night, I used Furguson's cat box as my own box. And, yes, it is true what many of you have heard. I once fell asleep in a bathtub! [Aly laughing]
Aly: I love that story. [continues laughing]
Leslie: And then what happened?
Aly: What do you mean, "And then what happened?" He fell asleep in the tub! He was asleep, and then he woke up. [Winston stomping on table]

Aly: Guys, as much as I love a good whisper fight, I should go.
Cece: Oh, no! No, no, no, you, uh, can not leave.
Aly: Why not?
Schmidt: Because we can't be alone together.
Aly: Because...?
Cece: Because... Because... we're having marital problems.
Schmidt: That's... secret, which is part of our marital problem. She's got a big mouth, but a great can. Which is also part of our marital problems. I objectify her.
Aly: See, I knew something was up. Everyone was like, "They're so perfect!" And I was like, "No. Something in that relationship is very, very broken." [Schmidt nods]

Rhonda: Hey, you're small.
Aly: What?
Rhonda: I'm looking for somebody small for a prank I'm cooking up. [Winston exhales] Actually, I could use all of you.
Winston: Okay, look. Rhonda, yeah. This won't work. Aly, you don't have to do this.
Rhonda: If you do this for me, I'll give you your divorce.
Aly: If this is what I have to do to marry you, then... Rhonda, the three of us will do your prank.
Cece: Wait, what? I have in no way consented to this.
Rhonda: Gonna do a group Rhonda! That's awesome. Uh, how do you feel about having a bunch of jelly on your head?
Aly: Not good, Rhonda.

Winston: Aah. Aah, okay.
Cece: She's gonna pop!
Dave: How far apart are the contractions?
Winston: Who's asking?
Cece: I don't know.
Dave: Let's take a look. [screams]
Aly: Wah. I'm a baby.
Dave: Oh!
Aly: I'm, I'm... coming out.
Dave: Uh-uh.
Aly: I, I know. I'm rattled, too.
Rhonda: You just got Rhonda'd! That's for not coming to the family reunion.
Aly: I'm so sorry. We got Rhonda'd.

Winston: The divorce papers are finalized. Good news.
Cece: There's no way this could be disappearing ink, right?
Winston: Well, I mean, the longest disappearing ink on record is only 42 minutes, so, no, we're good.
Cece: Great.
Aly: I actually had a good time pranking Rhonda.
Cece: No, not you, too. Please.
Aly: I mean it. I think we can kind of get into this as a couple. We'll prank, have some sex...
Winston: Mm.
Aly: ...prank people, have some more sex, pet the cat. I'm okay with that life.

Nick: [clears throat] Achoo! [shushes] [clears throat] Oh, you're up.
Aly: You woke me up.
Nick: Hey, do you mind if I run something by you that's very personal, very hot button?
Aly: I do, I need to rest. I'm working nights this week.
Nick: Oh, as a police officer?
Aly: No, Nick, as a prostitute. Yes, as a cop. Now will you please leave my room? I'm very tired and I need to get some rest.

Aly: I used to live by myself. I had covered parking, I was happy.

Schmidt: I'm Winston. I'm Winston.
Winston: Nah, I'm Winston. Ah, I'm Winston.
Aly: Yet, somehow, all the Michaels in the world manage to deal with this every day.
Cece: Mm-hmm.

Aly: That's it. I'm all moved in. This is my last box and it's labeled "holiday important." So, it's definitely sex toys.
Winston: [laughs] Well, then I wonder what's in this box. It's labeled "documents." Eh, it's just documents.

Winston: [on the phone] Yeah. Coach, listen, I'm still waiting for your vote for those pictures that I sent you, so...
Aly: Winston, just pick your favorite.
Winston: Baby, they're all my favorite. Why can't you see that you being pregnant has made you more beautiful than ever? You know what?
Aly: Fine. I'll pick one, okay? Oh, my God, I am beautiful. Mother Earth. Creator. Giver of life.
Winston: Give that life.
Aly: I'm a walking miracle with magic inside.
Winston: Well, I mean, it happens to a lot of people, so it's not really a miracle, but I get it.
Aly: Look at that body. And there's a human inside of it?
Winston: Yeah.