Sharona: Adrian, I know you're scared, but you can't keep following me around like this. I can't afford to lose two jobs in one week. I just can't.
Adrian Monk: Where should I go?
Sharona: It's a beautiful day outside. Why don't you try taking a walk? But you just can't stay here. You're not allowed. You are not a patient.
Adrian Monk: Actually, I haven't been feeling so good.
Sharona: Really?
Adrian Monk: I think I'm may becoming down with something. [coughs] I might have caught what he has.
Sharona: So you want to be admitted?
Adrian Monk: Well...
Sharona: Mm, then I have to take your temperature.
Adrian Monk: Okay. [opens mouth]
Sharona: It's not that kind of thermometer.
Adrian Monk: You know, I think I will take that walk.
Sharona: Thought so.

Sharona: Why don't you sit down? [Monk shakes his head] Well, at least hold the pole. [Monk shakes his head] How do you explain this: I touch everything you're afraid to touch, and I never get sick.
Adrian Monk: I can't explain it. It's inexplicable.
Sharona: No. You're inexplicable.

Trevor McDowell: Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Monk and Sharona, am I right? What can I do for you?
Adrian Monk: Do you have a minute, sir?
Trevor McDowell: I have all the time in the world. As a matter of fact, there's a sale on all the convertible sofas if you're interested.
Adrian Monk: No, thanks.
Trevor McDowell: I'll make you a great deal. Free home delivery.
Adrian Monk: We're not here to shop.
Sharona: Although, if it turns out you're innocent, I'd like to talk to you about that recliner.

Sharona: Now, do you want the aisle or the middle?
Adrian Monk: Okay. I'll take the... Aisle.
Sharona: You sure?
Adrian Monk: Aisle. Aisle. Middle. Middle. Oh, middle. Aisle! Aisle! I'm just gonna wait. Aisle. Middle.
Warren Beach: Mister. Mister. Take this one. I won't mind.
Sharona: Oh, no, no, no. Please don't offer him a third choice. His head will explode.

Sharona: We made it. Welcome to Mexico.
Adrian Monk: What are those?
Sharona: Earplugs.
Adrian Monk: You- You've had them in the whole trip?
Sharona: Since Los Angeles.
Adrian Monk: You haven't heard a word I've said.
Sharona: No.
Adrian Monk: I- I've been talking the whole time.
Sharona: Did you say anything important?
Adrian Monk: No.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Your toupee.
Commissioner Brooks: I don't know what you're talking about.
Sharona: Come on, it's a rug. What, are you gonna deny it?
Commissioner Brooks: I don't wear a toupee.
Adrian Monk: It was Paul Harley that was grabbing your hat. Except he wasn't after your hat. He was trying to grab your...
Sharona: Head doily. I can see it from here.
Commissioner Brooks: This is my own hair.
Adrian Monk: You mean you would let a murderer a man who killed two people in cold blood walk because, because you refuse to admit that you're wearing a piece?
Commissioner Brooks: I get it. You're trying to embarrass me in front of the camera.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nobody's trying to embarrass you, commissioner, but I am going to rip that hairpiece off of your head. It is a critical piece of evidence.
Commissioner Brooks: You wouldn't dare.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [to Monk] Are you sure?
Adrian Monk: 100% [Stottlemeyer grabs Brooks' hair] 93-94%. [Stottlemeyer pulls harder] 74%.
Commissioner Brooks: Are you finished? The answer is... yes. You, my friend, are finished in every sense of the word!
Sharona: 74% is good enough for me.
Commissioner Brooks: Aah, get off me, get off me! Get her off me!
[Sharona finally pulls Commissioner Brooks' hair piece off his head]

Captain Stottlemeyer: It's pretty routine. An industrial accident.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, her name was Edna Coruthers. The manager says she was a model employee, first one here, last one to leave. He figured she was checking on a delivery for a customer and, uh, a 42-inch flat-screen TV fell on her. She was killed instantly.
Sharona: That's horrible. Does the TV still work?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sharona, the TV just killed a woman.
Sharona: What are you going to do, lock it up?

Natalie: So how long are you here for?
Sharona: A day, maybe two.
Adrian Monk: Just a day! Maybe two.
Sharona: You know, I'm gonna need some lawyers, 'cause my uncle Howie died.
Natalie: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Sharona: Yeah, well, you know, I wasn't very close to him, and I didn't really know him that well. But, you know, I was the only family he had. So that's why I'm here.
Natalie: So you're here to claim the body?
Sharona: No, he's already been cremated. He died on the Eastdale Country Club. Have you ever been there?
Natalie: Me? No, I couldn't afford to park my car there. Not on my salary.
Sharona: Oh, yes. I'm sorry, I forgot. You work for Ebenezer Monk. [both laugh]
Adrian Monk: Ha, that's right. That's good. Trouble ahead.

Sharona: Why did you ask about his glasses?
Adrian Monk: So I could tell which photographs were the most recent. There are about 200 pictures in that room. They documented everything.
Sharona: And?
Adrian Monk: No bungee jumping. No skydiving. The most exciting thing Sidney Teal's done in the last two years is go to Disneyland.
Sharona: Not exactly Batman.
Adrian Monk: This guy? He was... What's the opposite of Batman?
Sharona: You are.

Adrian Monk: Mrs. St. Claire, a couple of questions.
Miranda St. Claire: Let me ask you a question. How can you investigate anything? I'm told you're "germophobic," afraid of the dark, heights, crowds and milk.
Sharona: We're working on the milk. He's making good progress on milk.