Adrian Monk: Is there money in the house?
Natalie: No.
Adrian Monk: What about the coffee can? Isn't that where you hide your money?
Natalie: How did you know that?
Adrian Monk: There's coffee grounds on the counter indicating that it's been opened recently, but you don't have a coffeemaker.
Julie Teeger: Wow, he's like Velma from Scooby-Doo.

Adrian Monk: What are you doing?
Julie Teeger: Making a snack.
Adrian Monk: Oh, no. No, I promised your mother. No junk food.
Julie Teeger: You promised?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. I am the babysitter.
Julie Teeger: Um, I don't think so. My mom said I was babysitting you.
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Julie Teeger: Are you getting paid?
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Julie Teeger: How much?
Adrian Monk: You know, that's between your mother and me. Why? How much are you getting?
Julie Teeger: $8 an hour.
Adrian Monk: An hour? I guess you're the sitter.

Julie Teeger: I'm going to pee all over the seat.
Adrian Monk: Natalie.
Natalie: Honey, honey, there is a rest stop up ahead. You're okay.
Julie Teeger: Maybe when there's pee all over the back seat, maybe then you'll believe me.
Adrian Monk: Uh, okay. Julie, wait. No, don't don't don't do that. Not, not in the car. I will give you $10 to hold it in.
Julie Teeger: Really?
Natalie: What are you doing? You can't pay a person not to pee.
Adrian Monk: Best money I ever spent.
Julie Teeger: Oh, sure he can. It's called "the free market." I learned about it in school. So, Mr. Monk, how much would you pay me not to throw up?

Adrian Monk: Julie, go back to your mom. Tell her I was right about the paramedic. She'll know what I mean.
Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk, she never knows what you mean. Nobody does.

Julie Teeger: There's this girl in my grade, Jenny Merrick. And when Becky Zucker stopped talking to her, you know what she did? She told everybody that Becky wets her bed.
Adrian Monk: [sarcastically] Thanks, Julie! [phone rings] That's him. That's him. It's him, it's him.
Natalie: But how do you know?
Adrian Monk: Who else could it be? You're right here. [giggles, answers phone] Hello? Yeah. She's right here. [to Julie] It's for you. It's your friend, Bonnie.
Julie Teeger: I'm sorry. I gave her this number. [on the phone] Hi. No, I can't talk right now. My mom's boss is crying again.

Julie Teeger: Mom, have you seen my camera?
Natalie: Did you check your jacket? What about your pockets?
Julie Teeger: Yes. I looked everywhere.
Natalie: Well, I haven't seen it, honey. Why don't you ask Mr. Monk to help you?
Julie Teeger: Please, Mr. Monk, it has all my photos in it from my school trip. I was the official photographer. If I lose it, I'm going to get an incomplete.
Adrian Monk: When did you see it last?
Julie Teeger: I saw it yesterday in the living room.
Adrian Monk: That plant has been moved recently.
Natalie: That's right. How did you know?
Adrian Monk: Normally they lean toward the sun. This one is leaning the other way. Hello.
Julie Teeger: Oh, Mr. Monk, thank you so much. You're the best. Isn't he the best?
Natalie: There's no one better. You really are amazing. Ha!
Adrian Monk: Wait. When did you water this?
Natalie: Oh, uh, this morning.
Adrian Monk: Well, the camera could not have been back there this morning. It would've gotten wet. Thanks for trying, Julie.
Julie Teeger: My mom put me up to this.

Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk, I bought this for you. Open it. It has a musical chip in it.
Adrian Monk: Thanks. But, uh, I really don't like the Rock 'n' Roll music.
Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk, it's not Rock 'n' Roll. It's Polly Wolly Doodle. It has a 10-year battery. How about I put it over here, so then you can see it?

Natalie: Mr. Monk. Julie made something for you.
Adrian Monk: What?
Julie Teeger: Well, all my friends at school were talking about what you did and how we were so wrong about Mr. Wagner. And how you caught him. Well, um, anyways, I made you this in art class.
Adrian Monk: Oh, Julie.
Julie Teeger: It's a medal of valor. 'Cause you're the bravest man I've ever known except for my father.

Adrian Monk: Enjoy your fries.
Julie Teeger: "Since 1840." Who needed ketchup in 1840?
Adrian Monk: The security panel.
Julie Teeger: Pardon me?
Adrian Monk: The security panel in Bronson's house! Bendis Security, founded 2003. The leper said he hadn't been home in seven years. How did he know about that alarm system? Julie, I was duped. It was all a con.
Julie Teeger: A "leper-con."
Adrian Monk: What?
Julie Teeger: Was he magically delicious?

Julie Teeger: You better come back here. There's a lot more to learn.
Adrian Monk: Is there?
Julie Teeger: Let's set you up an email account. It's so that your friend-- Um, so my mom can send you messages. Okay, you need a screen name. Mister...
Adrian Monk: Monk.
Julie Teeger: Uh-huh. And now you need your secret password.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. ... "Trudy."
Julie Teeger: Well, you know, everybody will probably guess that. Let's think of something else. [Monk is silent] Okay, let's go "Trudy". There you go. You're online.
Adrian Monk: Whoa, I'm on the Web! The World Wide Web.
Julie Teeger: Welcome to 1998, Mr. Monk.