Jay: Mmm. These are good. What's in 'em?
Longinus: It's a margarita with a shot of absinthe.
Pepper: Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Crispin: Ah, are you making a bad pun or just lisping?
Pepper: I can't believe I drove all the way to the Valley to pick you up.
Jay: Justin, more booze!

Longinus: What about you, Mitchell?
Mitchell: Um, okay. I didn't know it was a crush because I was only eight at the time.
Pepper: I knew when I was eight.
Crispin: Everyone knew when you were eight.
Pepper: Longinus, get up. We're switching seats.

Pepper: Oh, my God. Tallulah! Oh! Don't worry. She'll stop yapping when she gets on your lap.

Mitchell: What is happening to me? All right, what are we three strokes down now?
Pepper: I think someone needs a Pepper talk. [slaps Mitchell across the face]
Mitchell: Aah! Ow! How is that a pepper talk?
Pepper: You need to get angry. Play aggressive. That man's been Mitch-slapping you your entire life.

Mitchell: One stroke down on the final hole. It's such a big putt. Such a big, big putt.
Pepper: I like big putts, and I cannot lie.
Phil: Money.

Pepper: A hundred bucks! Oh, we did it! Now I can afford the shirt that matches these pants.

Jay: Hey, I was serious about we should play again sometime. It's a crazy thing that if I'd been less of a hard head when you were a kid, we could have had 20 years in this dumb game.
Mitchell: No, it was half my fault. I mean, I-I used to be pretty sensitive. So y-you really weren't "Cat's in the Cradling" me back there?
Jay: Of course not.
Phil: How have I not heard of this song you keep talking about?
Jay: You have. It's the worst.
Phil: It's the schmaltziest.
Pepper: Unbearable. I'll play it on the way back. I have it on my iPod phone.

Pepper: So, what do you think?
Mitchell: I like it. Also, is it a little Willy Wonka?
Pepper: You're tired. I'll come back tomorrow when you're ready to be more constructive.
Cameron: Pepper, no.
Mitchell: Pepper.
Pepper: Ronaldo, strike this. [flicks back his jacket] Sorry. I thought I was wearing a cape today.

Pepper: Ronaldo left me.
Cameron: What?!
Mitchell: No!
Pepper: The swine! Someone put it in his head that he could do this without me. But mark my words, I will destroy him and whatever wedding he thinks he's planning.
Mitchell: Okay, well, that's one way to go.

Pepper: Ronaldo was nothing before I found him, living in squalor in a dump barely bigger than this. How could he do this to me?
Ronaldo: Because you never listen to anybody! I have good ideas, but you're too thick-headed to hear them!
Cameron: Ronaldo, how did you get here?
Pepper: It was you two. You plotted against me. I bet that's not even a Wiggles song, is it? Is it?!
Cameron: No.