Jay: It's just that you were better at it than I was.
Dede: Oh, so I guess I was better at late-night feedings and cleaning spit-up, too.
Gloria: You know what? He wouldn't help me pick up a stroller or a blanket or a bouncy chair.
Dede: Oh, well, I had to get that stuff on my own. He was just useless.
Gloria: You poor thing. Makes all sense now why you became so crazy.
Dede: Right?

Mitchell: So, Mom, I didn't know that you would be, uh, be here.
Dede: Oh, well, I wasn't planning on it I haven't seen these people since the divorce.
Mitchell: Yeah.
Dede: But then my new hubby had to work, and I thought "Write a new story, DeDe."
Mitchell: Yeah! [both chuckle] So, are you here alone, or...? You look great! This dress is beautiful!
Dede: Oh, thank you. I found it in the trunk of a car I bought.

Phil: Dede.
Dede: I'm sorry to barge in. I was visiting Cam and Mitch, and there's some tension over there. Well, where's my daughter? I don't hear any cooking or cleaning sounds so I assume she's home. [laughs]

Mitchell: Is Mom still at your house?
Claire: Oh, no, she ran off all mad at me. I guess I'm not getting a recycled hemp Christmas card this year.
Mitchell: Well, Cam and I have a tiny bone to pick with her, too, for controlling our entire lives. Not that it'll matter. We all know what she's gonna say.
Both: "Well, forgive me for caring."
Dede: Well, forgive me for caring.
Claire: Are you kidding?!

Jay: Look who dropped in.
Gloria: What a surprise. Let me get you a chair.
Dede: Oh, don't bother. Sitting's the new smoking.

Claire: Instead of blaming Mom for helping you make the right choices, how about thanking her? You know, it's not so easy to be the one who always knows best. In fact, it can make you a little tense sometimes.
Gloria: This amazing woman runs a company, she runs a family, and you don't show her any appreciation. Just like you two. I put you two together to do this movie and you turn me into your devil creature.
Jay: What do you mean you put us together?
Gloria: I left Manny's script out so that you would see it and you would get involved. I knew that this movie was not going to be good unless I would take his artsy weirdness and balance it with your low-brow, couch-tomato sensibility.
Dede: And that's why it was so great. Gloria, I know what you put up with. I-I was married to Jay. You are a saint to stick around. Especially with that bosom, you could get any guy in town.
Claire: Mm-hmm.
Dede: So, unfortunately, this is what families do they turn mothers into monsters.

Mitchell: Well, mom, instead of dredging up the whole incident, maybe we should just try and repress it like a- Like a normal family.
Dede: I can't. I need closure. I'm about to embark on a new journey. I met a man.
Mitchell: Really?
Dede: His name is Chas, And he's asked me to come live with him In his foreign land.
Mitchell: Wow. Where?
Dede: Canada.
Mitchell: You're moving to- To Canada?
Dede: French Canada.