Spangler: I think you'll enjoy my sexual awareness lecture next week. It's been called riveting.
Adam: I'm sure it is, sir. It sure worked wonders for me, sir. The only woman I can think of without vomiting is my own mother.
Spangler: As it should be, son. As it should be.

Spangler: [o.s.] My mother was neither a madonna or a whore! She was a damn fine woman.

Spangler: There was so much I wanted to tell her, but she was gone and I... I...
Francis: Come on, sir. Just say it.
Spangler: I hated her! [whimpers] [sniffles] All these issues with my mother. I know now that this was not an accident.
Francis: You know, talking with you has helped me work out some things with my own family. I mean, all those years I blamed my parents for every senseless act of self-destruction. And all this time I was at least partially responsible for a couple of them. [class bell rings] [both salute] You know, it really means a lot to me to know that I can come to you when I need to talk.
Spangler: Familiarity breeds contempt, cadet. [closes door]

Spangler: Well, Cadet, I see you survived.
Francis: Yes, sir.
Spangler: I brought you a little something to take your mind off the pain. This is a good opportunity for you to catch up on your homework. Take it from me. A lengthy hospital stay is the perfect environment to focus your mind and attack weaknesses in your character. If it hadn't been for this... I never would've learned conversational French. Carry on.

Francis: Sir?
Spangler: [o.s.] Go away! I told you I did not want to be disturbed. My aunt and I are... catching up.
Francis: I... I thought you said it was your mother, sir.
Spangler: [o.s.] Go away!
Francis: I wish I could, sir, but we have a bit of a situation. See, we decided to have this party and it kind of got out of hand...
Spangler: [o.s.] I don't care, cadet. I will deal with it in the morning.
Francis: Yeah, but...
Spangler: In the morning!
Francis: It's just that we invited some of the local girls...
Spangler: [o.s.] Local girls?! [opens door] There are local girls inside the perimeter? Have they killed anyone?
Finley: N-No, sir, but I saw one of them eat a raw chicken whole.
Woman: [o.s.] Spangy.
Spangler: Uh... just a minute... Mother.

Spangler: This is more like it. Everything shipshape. The commanding officer enters and is greeted by straightened backs and the crack of shoe leather. Now I know it's been a rough couple of days, but you will agree, we are the better for it. We are a lean, mean learning machine. [chops the plant with his hook] Now, I know that some of you think that I'm a sadist, but someday you will thank me. [exits]
Cadet: Man, that's brutal. Is there anything we can do to cheer you up?
Francis: Do you have any more pictures of your sister?

Spangler: [wakes up] Huh?
Francis: Are you all right, sir?
Spangler: [slurred] I am a little under the weather.
Francis: You're drunk, sir.
Spangler: That could be why. I was a tad nervous about Colonel North's visit. I thought that a little nip of something might help. That, and seven or eight belts of Scotch.
Francis: Let's get you dressed. And attached.
Spangler: The man is a national hero. He has done so many things and I have done so little. I don't deserve to breathe the same air as that great man.
Francis: Don't talk like that, sir.
Spangler: No! I'm a worm. Cadet, I'm a worm. I belong on the floor with the other worms.
Francis: Sir, get up. Sir, please stop wriggling. Sir?

Spangler: I have to admit, cadet, I thought you boys would have surrendered by now, but instead, you have shown strength of will, teamwork, and a willingness to sacrifice. Well done.
Francis: With what?
Spangler: The strike.
Francis: Right, right, the strike. Well, that's good, 'cause... we weren't going to do... the thing... until we got back... Well, you know.
Spangler: Yes, I believe I do. Shall we discuss terms?
[cut to:]
Francis: We did it. The strike's over. We won! [cadets cheer] We got his magic hat!
Eric: What about the television?
Francis: Huh?

[Drew and his father play the Three's Company theme on water glasses]
Spangler: Let's have a hand for Cadet Drew and his father, direct from the showrooms of Atlantic City. That was just riveting.

Francis: So, how's he doin'?
Eric: I was up with him all night. He got pretty wild but I think he's doin' better now.
Spangler: I wanna die! Why can't I just die?!
Francis: Stop talking like that, sir. This is just a momentary setback.
Spangler: I have nothing to live for. Mother no longer acknowledges me. I have no friends, no money. I won't even tell you how I paid for my journey up here.
Eric: If it means anything to you, sir, you taught me how to be a man.
Spangler: I have no idea who you are.
Eric: You don't remember me? After all that time at Marlin, the hell that you put me through, you don't even remember me?
Spangler: Cadet Dudley?
Eric: No, Eric! I just spent the last ten hours cradling you!
Francis: Sir, this is because you're not feeling useful. Look, I talked to some people and I think I may have found you a job.
Spangler: A what?
Francis: It'd be with the Interior Department. You'd be helping the environment, working with people. You would be making a real difference.
Spangler: I can do that. Thank you, son. And, please, thank that girl for rocking me in her arms all night long.