Future Ted: [v.o.] One thing I learned that summer is that when love is beginning and love is ending, the first thirty days are remarkably similar. For one thing, you spend most of the time in bed. Your friends can't stand to listen to you. And you never seems to wear pants.

Robin: So you need a hand throwing it out?
Marshall: No, I'm not... I'm not just going to throw her out, okay? Mabel's like family.
Robin: So, um, what are you gonna do with Mabel?
Marshall: I want to give her away, um, to a lucky new owner. Do you know anyone?
Robin: Yeah, hmm, let me think. Do I know any rodeo clowns? Oh, that's weird, I do. But even Lenny wouldn't go near that mess.
Marshall: Well, he's not going to have the chance, because I am putting old Mabel in the Bermuda Triangle.
Future Ted: [v.o.] The Bermuda Triangle was the name we'd given years earlier to the curb right in front of our building. Whenever we wanted to give something away, we'd put it right there. It was uncanny.

Future Ted: Kids, early in this story, you may recall me saying something along the lines of...
Ted: Okay, no more dating. I am ready to settle down.
Future Ted: And at the time, I probably thought I meant it. But, kids, I'll be honest. Being single's fun. As a young unattached man in New York City, I had a great time. A great time. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. I had such a great time that it took someone very special to make me want to settle down. And that someone... was Jeanette. What made Jeanette so special? Well...
Jeanette: That was a foul! [throws bottle at the TV]
Future Ted: Jeanette was the last girl I dated before I met your mother. The girl who finally got me to say...
Ted: No more dating. I'm ready to settle down.
Future Ted: And really mean it.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And here's the funny part, as unforgettable as that Super Bowl was, here it is 23 years later and I don't remember who won... Hell, I don't even remember who played. What I do remember is that we drank beer, we ate wings and we watched the Super Bowl together. Because sometimes, even if you know how something's going to end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride. We even raised a toast to good old Mike. I mean Mark. Matt. Crap! Why do I keep doing that?

Robin: Where do you see this relationship going? My God, that sounds so cheesy.
Barney: I know, right?
Robin: Totally. But hum... Where do you see this relationship going?
Barney: I don't know. I mean, it's not like I don't like you. I just haven't had a girlfriend for a long time. I hope that doesn't make you mad.
Robin: Mad? I feel the same way. I suck at relationships. I mean, except with Ted. Man, he really got it right. I know it's a cliché, but... he really ruined me for other men.
Future Ted: [v.o.] Of course, I wasn't in the room for this conversation, but I have to imagine Robin said something like that.

Future Ted: [v.o.] I asked her about it years later, and yeah, that was the signal. I could've kissed her. But that's the funny thing about destiny, it happens whether you plan it or not. I mean I never thought I'd see that girl again. But it turns out, I was just too close to the puzzle to see the picture that was forming. Because that kids, is the true story, of how I met your Aunt Robin.
Son: Aunt Robin?
Daughter: I thought this was about how you met mom!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Will you relax? I'm getting to it. Like I said, it's a long story.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And that's how it ended with Natalie. No happily ever after. Just a whole lot of hurt. And just like that all those wonderful memories were replaced. By this one. But you know, bad as that night was, within a year Natalie was married. With three beautiful children. So that's the up side of her. Sometimes it happens for a reason.
Son: Wow, so you got beat up by a girl?
Future Ted: Is that all you're taking away from this story?
Son: You got beat up by a girl?
Future Ted: Hey, she knew Krav Maga.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So kids, would you like to hear the story of the time I went deaf?
Son: Why does he even ask?
Daughter: I know, he's just going to tell us anyway.
Future Ted: I sure am.

Future Ted: [v.o.] So kids, there are many buildings New York City. Thousands of apartments. Millions of stories. And even though it's been decades and someone else lives there now, there's one apartment in particular that will always be our apartment. I have so many great memories of that place. Marshall playing video games. Lily painting on the fire escape.
Mr. Madsen: Hey!
Lily: Sorry, Mr. Madsen.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And me making the coffee. I had this coffeepot that was probably 50 years old at that time, and it made truly terrible coffee. We called it Shocky.
Ted: Plugging in.
Marshall: Saving game.
[Ted gets shocked as he plugs the coffee maker in]
Future Ted: [v.o.] I loved every last detail of that place. Right down to the incredibly tacky swords we hung on the wall. I never wanted any of it to change. But that's not how life works.

Dancer: Hey, I saw what you did for that guy? It was really sweet. Do you wanna dance?
Ted: Uh, no thanks. You want some yams?
Dancer: No thanks. I'm Amber. [shakes hands with Ted]
Ted: I'm Ted.
Dancer: Actually, I'm Tracy.
Ted: Still Ted.
Future Ted: [v.o.] And that, kids, is the true story of how I met your mother.
Daughter & Son: What?!
Future Ted: I'm kidding.