Emily: You know what? I'm not returning the gift. I'm going to put it away in a closet and you won't know what it is until you do get married someday.
Lorelai: Tell me now.
Emily: Sorry.
Lorelai: Come on, I may never get married. I may be a free spirit my whole life or I'll fall in love with a separated Catholic guy like Katharine Hepburn did and then not get to go to his funeral when he dies.

Lorelai: "Past graduates: Henry James." Isn't that a beer?
Rory: And a novelist. Go on.
Lorelai: "John Adams." That's a beer.
Rory: Our second President. He's very in right now.
Lorelai: "W.E.B. DuBois, Yo-Yo Ma." Oh, cool! Fred Gwynne.
Rory: Who?
Lorelai: Herman Munster. Now I'm impressed.
Rory: Want something?
Lorelai: A nice, cool Henry James.
Rory: Or some coffee?
Lorelai: Or some coffee.

Lorelai: So, what about dinner?
Rory: It should probably be something healthy, since we've been eating junk.
Lorelai: We had lettuce on our burgers last night.
Rory: We picked it off.
Lorelai: But it left its essence.
Rory: There's lettuce essence on our burgers?
Lorelai: Definitely.
Rory: And that satisfied our vegetable requirement?
Lorelai: For the week.
Rory: We can't argue with cold, hard facts.

Lorelai: "This building is one component of a 13 million-volume collection housed in more than 90 different libraries. It's the oldest library in the US, and the largest academic library in the world." Breathe, breathe.
Rory: I am a failure.
Lorelai: What?
Rory: I am stupid.
Lorelai: Stop.
Rory: I am uninformed, ignorant, and I can't even think of a second synonym for 'uninformed'. I suck.
Lorelai: Honey.
Rory: Thirteen million volumes? I've read 300 books in my entire life, and I'm already 16? You know how long I would need to read 13 million books?
Lorelai: But honey, you don't have to read every one of them. Tuesdays With Morrie. Skip that. Who Moved My Cheese?? Stuff you already know.
Rory: But every kid coming to Harvard is inevitably reading books. And Different books. And I want to be able to converse intelligently with each of them. And I can't do that unless I read books. At least a few from every genre and subgenre.

Lorelai: What if it's a lemon?
Rory: Then I'm stuck with it.
Lorelai: Hare Krishna banging a tambourine.
Rory: I'll use earplugs.
Lorelai: Serial murderer.
Rory: I'll sleep with a gat strapped to my ankle.
Lorelai: Someone who likes Linkin Park?
Rory: Then I have to drop out.

Lorelai: Was it awful?
Lane: You know, it wasn't.
Rory: Really?
Lane: Some of it was great.
Rory: No way.
Lane: Yes, some of the food's not so bad, and then my cousins were actually pretty interesting. And the best part, Korea is bootleg heaven. I totally scored in Seoul. Elvis Costello at the Marquee in 1978. A barely coherent Nico doing Doors songs in 1974. And an even more barely coherent Iggy Pop doing David Bowie songs naked in 1981.
Rory: How did you get them past customs?
Lane: Well, I strapped them to my body, like in Midnight Express.

Lorelai: We must leave this place immediately.
Rory: And sleep where?
Lorelai: Uh, a hollow tree, a riverbank, I don't care.
Rory: Mom, I'm tired and I'm starving.
Lorelai: Okay, she's named the place after an Alice In Wonderland character. This is my worst nightmare.
Rory: And dying of exposure in a Jeep is mine.

Lorelai: Rory, stop it! We're not gonna have this fight in a flowery bedroom with dentists singing "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" in the background! It's too David Lynch.

Rory: [to Lorelai] You do realize your college kid jargon comes from Happy Days and the "Valley Girl" song?

Lorelai: Ah, no music. I can't believe we forgot to bring tunes.
Rory: Do you realize neither of us has the vaguest idea where we are?
Lorelai: What is a road trip without tunes?
Rory: The sun is directly behind us.
Lorelai: I've never been in this car for a long period of time without playing AC/DC.
Rory: I have no idea which way it's going.
Lorelai: I need Highway to Hell.
Rory: It's right out the windshield there.
Lorelai: The radio's only playing Top 40 and Christian rock. 'Christian rock.' There's an oxymoron. I need my tunes!