Rory: Ready?
Lorelai: Okay. Wait. Just wait. We can still leave.
Rory: No.
Lorelai: Rory, right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, "Don't go in there."

Lorelai: I need stamps.
Kirk: Well, your timing is perfect. The breakfast-food series just came out last week. Look at the dancing toast. Aren't they a kick? And here is our cartoon series.
Lorelai: Hey, do you have any Lucille Balls left?
Kirk: Yes, I have some Balls.

Lorelai: Hi. I'm looking for my father. Big guy, bow tie.

Lorelai: What the hell was that?
Rory: I don't know.
Lorelai: Jack Nicholson and Angelina Jolie just kicked us out with parting gifts.

Lorelai: What? You're getting a mail-order divorce?
Luke: These are the papers we had drawn up before. I just have to sign them.
Lorelai: And you're signing them in there?
Luke: There's a notary in there.
Lorelai: Luke, that is a Mail Boxes Etc.
Luke: So?
Lorelai: So, you buy envelopes at a Mail Boxes Etc. You don't get divorced at a Mail Boxes Etc.
Luke: Why not?
Lorelai: Because, I don't- It's not dignified.
Luke: Well, crapping out in a marriage isn't that dignified, either, but I did that.

Kirk: I'm sorry, are you a fan of the '50s-slash-mid-'60s sitcom heroines?
Lorelai: I don't know. Am I?
Kirk: I think you are.
Lorelai: Bewitched. I love Bewitched.
Kirk: Me too. Dr. Bombay was a big influence on me.
Lorelai: Oh, my God. Serena? I wanted to be Serena. With that hair.
Kirk: And the miniskirts.
Lorelai: And the groovy, psychedelic music.
Kirk: Did you practice the twitch?
Lorelai: Oh, who didn't practice the twitch?
Kirk: Tabitha was so lucky. And hey, what ever happened to her little brother Adam? I mean, they determined in episode 242 that he was a warlock, and then-
Luke: I'm trying to get divorced here!
Kirk: Sorry.
Lorelai: I'm sorry.
Kirk: Remember when Endora called him "Derwood?"

Lorelai: [answers phone] Hello?
Rory: Who is this?
Lorelai: This is Lorelai Gilmore.
Rory: No, this is Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai: Ooh, gaslight.
Rory: So, you have my phone.
Lorelai: Yes, you left it in the kitchen. You know what that means, don't you? You miss Mommy.
Rory: Yes, or that the refrigerator was empty, and I ordered food.
Lorelai: Oh, that makes much more sense.

Michel: All of the woodwork was hand-carved by a union soldier that the owner, Mrs. Tinley, took pity on and nursed back to health. He got better, went off, slaughtered a few dozen Confederate soldiers, came back, and made the stairs. Nice story, yes? Yes, your American history is all over this inn. Oh, look, a deer. I think I know that little guy. He was here for breakfast this morning. Creep up quietly. Take a better look. [sighs] I have these people in the palm of my hand. Travel agents are so easy. Are the horses washed?
Lorelai: They're washed.
Michel: Because I'm not bringing them out there to be disgusted by smelly horses.
Lorelai: Trust me. They've been hosed down with new-car scent. They're great.
Michel: Okay, let's see. They saw the deer, we released the doves, I've got the Stevens boy whitewashing the fence in short pants and a straw hat.
Lorelai: No one can manufacture a quaint, small-town moment like you, Michel. Ooh, travel agents coming back.
Michel: Adorable, yes? Okay, let me show you the upstairs, the bedrooms. Oh, what is that delicious scent? Why, I bet our amazing chef, Sookie St. James, is experimenting with her cookie recipe again. Why don't we sneak into the kitchen and see if we can convince her to give us a taste? Okay? Follow me.

Lane: [on the phone] Who does she think she is? Just walking out of my house like she owned the place.
Rory: Your mom didn't just go out and get another kid.
Lane: Korea is where you go to get new kids. Ask anyone.
Rory: There has to be another explanation.
Lane: The explanation is I've been replaced.
Rory: You have not been replaced.
Lane: She was wearing my bunny sweater.
Rory: You hated that bunny sweater. That's why you left it there.
Lane: She also had my second-least-favorite scarf, and she was eating my apple.
Rory: What apple?
Lane: The apple my mother would have given me if I still lived there.

Kirk: I'm a little confused.
Lane: About what, Kirk?
Kirk: Well, I'm looking at this flier you gave me, and what exactly do you have to do to get the sandwich?
Lane: What?
Kirk: I mean, does everyone who shows up get a sandwich, or is it first come, first sandwich?
Lane: Oh, that's a mistake. The sandwich isn't supposed to be there.
Kirk: What are you saying?
Lane: I'm saying that's just a flier for our band. We're playing Friday at 8:30.
Kirk: So, there's no sandwiches.
Lane: No.
Kirk: Then, why would I go?
Lane: To hear some great music.
Kirk: Oh. Can I bring my own sandwich?