Lorelai: How about a triple feature? Three Days of the Condor, The Show, and The Jerk.
Rory: Hmm. The Show is, like, 9.5 hours.
Lorelai: But The Jerk is short.
Rory: Hmm.
Lorelai: The three faces of Costner: Bull Durham, Dances with Wolves, The Postman. Tom Petty playing Tom Petty, that great big speech about: "Once upon a time, there was a thing called mail. It'll make you laugh, cry, or mail something."
Rory: Ooh, we could do a Ruth Gordon film festival. Harold and Maude, Rosemary's Baby, and that really great episode of Taxi.
Lorelai: Got it. The worst film festival ever: Cool as Ice, Hudson Hawk, and Electric Boogaloo.
Rory: Sold.
Lorelai: I'll get the Hawk.
Rory: I'll get the Boogaloo.

Richard: You didn't order any grapefruit.
Lorelai: Yeah, I don't really like grapefruit.
Richard: Hmm. I always start my breakfast with half a grapefruit.
Lorelai: Do the Florida people know about you? Because Anita Bryant left this huge gap that has yet to be filled.
Richard: It's important to start the day off correctly, Lorelai. A grapefruit is brain food. It has vitamin C and folic acid, and it helps with your digestion. It really is a terrific fruit.
Lorelai: I feel like you're about to break into song.
Richard: I'm serious about this, Lorelai.
Lorelai: I know you are, but I still don't like grapefruit.
Richard: Well, there are many things in life that we don't like but their benefits far outweigh the temporary discomforts we have to endure.

Lorelai: Because she wants to go to Harvard.
Richard: Well, that's ridiculous. Who's going to help her get into Harvard?
Lorelai: Reese Witherspoon.

Richard: Don't you think I know why you "invited" me here?
Lorelai: Because-
Richard: Because your mother asked you to. She called you up and said I was driving her crazy. And would you please take me off her hands for one day so she could get some peace, isn't that true?
Lorelai: No.
Richard: You have never once invited me to your house, Lorelai. Never. And I can hardly point to an event that would prompt you to do so except my recent employment situation.
Lorelai: Okay, Dad, Mom did call me, but-
Richard: You know, I never thought about retirement. I never thought about what I would do or what I would be once I wasn't working. I never once imagined that I would go from being a productive member of the human race to a decrepit old drone sitting at the club at 3:00 in the afternoon drinking brandy and playing cards.
Lorelai: Oh, Dad.
Richard: I am an annoyance to my wife and a burden to my daughter. Suddenly I realize what it feels like to be obsolete. I hope that you never have to learn what that feels like. Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm afraid I'll have to take a rain check on dinner. I'm not very hungry.

Paris: According to the papers, there's been a huge increase in the number of families fleeing the major cities in favor of small towns. Hundreds of thousands of city-slicking yuppies carting the trophy wife and the asthmatic kids off to small towns in search of the simple life. Milk a cow, pet a pig, find yourself. All that kind of crap.
Rory: Interesting.
Paris: Yes, and I thought about it. There's a romantic aspect to small towns. White picket fences, low crime rate, smaller classrooms, better tomatoes. It all seems perfect.
Rory: But...
Paris: But nothing is perfect. Nothing is safe. Nothing is ever what it seems. And then it hit me. Our story. We're going to blow the lid off the seedy underbelly of small-town life, starting with yours.
Rory: Stars Hollow?
Paris: Yes.
Rory: You're going to uncover the seedy underbelly of Stars Hollow?
Paris: Yes.
Rory: Paris, wtars Hollow doesn't have a seedy underbelly. We don't even have a meter maid.
Paris: Look, you may be blind to it because you live there but, trust me, it's there and it's ugly, and I'm going to find it. I'll meet you out front after school.

Paris: You get a lot of truckers through here?
Luke: Truckers?
Paris: Yeah, you know, guys on the road for weeks, lonely, looking for company, a little pick-me-up, things like that?
Luke: What's she talking about?
Rory: Your guess is as good as mine.
Paris: It's pretty common knowledge that diners are breeding grounds for prostitution and drug dealers.
Luke: What?
Paris: Have you ever seen anything like that going down here?
Luke: Have I ever...
Paris: What about that guy over there? What's his story?
Luke: Reverend Nichols?
Paris: Reverend Nichols, huh? Is that like Dr. Feelgood?
Luke: Rory, how much do you like this person.
Rory: Do what you got to do, Luke.

Richard: I'm glad not to see any death rockers on your walls.
Rory: Grandpa, where did you learn the term "death rockers"?
Richard: Well, I'm not entirely unfamiliar with the music world in which you live.
Rory: I don't exactly live in the death-rock world, Grandpa.
Richard: Good.
Rory: But if I do move there, I will send you a card.
Richard: I appreciate that.

Paris: Am I meeting you or not?
Rory: I don't think you're gonna find anything.
Paris: Then the worst that can happen is I spend time in your town and have an urge to enter a pie in the county fair. I'll meet you out front. Don't be late.

Paris: I think I got rabies.
Rory: It's just a bus.
Paris: It smelled.
Rory: Like a bus.
Paris: I'm going to have to burn my clothes when I get home.
Rory: You know, you have a car, Paris. We could have driven.
Paris: We have to get the feel of the small-town world. We're not going to get the feel of a small town in a BMW. Is there something crawling in my hair?

Jess: Oh, come on, it's a little funny.
Rory: No. Being the poster girl for censorship is not a little funny. The only videos not behind that curtain are Bambi and Dumbo. I mean, they actually had a meeting about whether Babe should be behind the curtain so as not to offend people who keep kosher.
Jess: It's a crazy world we live in.