Kirk: Oh, I can tell you what they're saying.
Lorelai: How?
Kirk: I read lips. My girlfriend taught me. It's so we can have quiet time and keep the conversation going at the same time. Okay, she just said, "Hardwood sponge is the authority of the hostile biographer." And then he responded, "Just phone cords to original samovars."
Lorelai: Kirk, that doesn't make any sense.
Kirk: Must mean they're on to us and they've switched to some sort of code.
Lorelai: I don't think they're speaking in code.
Kirk: Oh, I think Luke's heading back. He just got up and said, "Feel your taters."
Lorelai: Is it possible he said, "I'll see you later?"
Kirk: No, I'm pretty sure about this one.

Lorelai: So, apparently, I am now the reigning Lorelai.
Rory: Huh. I guess you are.
Lorelai: It's a lot of responsibility.
Rory: Well, sure.
Lorelai: I mean, it's mostly ceremonial stuff nowadays - declaring knighthoods, opening supermarkets - but now and then, you get to banish someone or pose for a stamp.
Rory: Neat. And coins.
Lorelai: Yeah and coins. You know, someday you'll be the reigning Lorelai.
Rory: I don't like that idea.
Lorelai: Why not? You get a cape.
Rory: Because if I'm the reigning Lorelai, that means you'll be gone.
Lorelai: Gone? No, not me. I'll step down way before that. I'm not gonna pull a Queen Elizabeth on you, make you wait around forever, force you to develop interests in polo and architecture.
Rory: I am scared of horses.
Lorelai: I know that.
Rory: So, there's a cape, huh?

Lorelai: Michel, come on, we've got to get into these budgets.
Sookie: Now.
Michel: Does the red light mean it's programmed?
Sookie: I explained it a hundred times.
Lorelai: Michel, you've been setting that machine for 20 minutes now.
Sookie: The man can't live without his dog show.
Michel: Ugh, I could just kill my cable provider. "No Westminster dog show, but please enjoy Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle 24 hours a day." Ah, there, it's recording.
Lorelai: Well, get over here.
Michel: I just want to see the Chows. Look at that one strut. You know you're a pretty girl, don't you? Yes, with those "I need some loving" eyes.

Lorelai: Don't tell me this is what it looks like.
Emily: It's escargot.
Lorelai: That's what it looks like.
Rory: Snails?
Emily: Escargot.
Lorelai: Slimy thing by any other name.
Richard: They taste like garlic and butter.
Lorelai: Don't say "they." Food should not have pronouns.
Richard: Give it a try.
Lorelai: But if I do and we're having road kill for the main course, then I will already have used up my allotment of gross-out food for the day, so I'll abstain.
Richard: I guess we should strike escargot off the list of Friday night dinner foods.

Emily: Well, what kind of story did you want, Lorelai?
Lorelai: No, that's fine. She was sweet. They called her Sweetie. It's a good story.
Emily: No, really. Exactly what kind of story about my recently departed friend would amuse you?
Lorelai: Mom, it's not to amuse me. It's-
Emily: All right, fine. Sweetie's father was a very poor man, so poor that Sweetie and her four siblings all had to sleep in a hollowed-out tree trunk because the house was only big enough for their parents. One winter, there was no food, so Sweetie crawled out of her trunk, wrapped her feet in newspaper, and walked forty miles in the snow to the nearest town, where she stumbled into a candy store. The owner took pity on her and gave her bags of candy, a dill pickle, and drove her back to her family. He promptly offered a job to her father, who gladly accepted and eventually owned that store and turned it into one of the most important candy emporiums in the world. And that is how she got the name Sweetie. There, how was that?
Lorelai: Now, that was a pretty good story.

Kirk: This doesn't smell right.
Lane: Smells fine, Kirk.
Kirk: I think the eggs were bad.
Lane: The eggs are fine, Kirk.
Kirk: Were they cooked in the fish pan? They smell like they were cooked in the fish pan.
Lane: No, the eggs were not cooked in the fish pan. They were cooked in the egg pan.
Kirk: Was the fish pan sitting next to the egg pan? Because perhaps-
Lorelai: [enters] I need something with cheese!
Kirk: Lorelai, smell my eggs.
Lorelai: Not today, Kirk.

Lane: Kirk, I'm so sorry, we accidentally made the eggs in the fish pan. Here's new eggs.
Kirk: I don't know why everybody in this town always thinks I'm crazy.

Michel: All right, the pugs are up next. They're ugly. Let's do this.

Lorelai: [on the phone] Mom, have you looked on the internet?
Emily: For what?
Lorelai: For turtleneck soup. You could Google it.
Emily: [sarcastically] Can I? Can I Google it?
Lorelai: Okay, never mind.

Richard: [sobs] She was a saint. The woman was a saint.
Lorelai: Here, Dad.
Richard: I learned everything from that woman. "Life is a battle, and you either enter it armed or you surrender immediately." That is what she told me on my 10th birthday. I never forgot that. No, no one was as strong as that woman. That wonderful woman. That saint of a woman.
Lorelai: Oh, Dad.
Richard: Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine. I just have to deal with this... regret.
Lorelai: What regret? Dad, you and Gran were so close.
Richard: The last words we exchanged, we exchanged in anger.
Lorelai: Oh, but, Dad, that's-
Richard: I lost my temper and I was disrespectful. And that's the way... that's the way it ended. With an argument and hateful words.
Lorelai: Dad, you know, that was one little fight. I mean, one little fight between you and Gran doesn't wipe away years of...
Richard: That woman raised me and she taught me. And she took care of the family even after Father died. And I spoke her as if I owed her nothing, as if she was like anyone else in the world and not the saint of a woman that she was.
Lorelai: Oh, Dad.
Richard: You only have one set of parents, Lorelai. Remember that. I forgot and now I have to live with that for the rest of my life.