Gerry: The thing is, Ciaran, there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, about the engagement.
Ciaran: She's not calling it off, is she?
Joe: Well done, Columbo.
Ciaran: Why? Oh, Christ, she's met someone else, hasn't she?
Gerry: Not exactly. Now, this is going to sound a bit hard to believe, but the fact is, Ciaran, that when you gave her the ring...
[Aunt Sarah walks into the room in her nun costume]
Aunt Sarah: God, Ciaran, are you still here?
Ciaran: Sarah.
Aunt Sarah: I'm awful sorry, Ciaran, are you OK?
Ciaran: Well, it's... it's a lot to take in. Though I suppose you were always spiritual in your own way.
Aunt Sarah: You're not angry with me, Ciaran, are you?
Ciaran: No. How could I be? A calling's a calling.
Aunt Sarah: Happy days.
Ciaran: I'm... I'm going to... I should go. Goodbye, Sarah.
Aunt Sarah: Goodbye, Ciaran, and God bless. [Ciaran whimpers as he walks away] He's looking well on it, isn't he?
Gerry: Stop.

Joe: They get rid of the British Army.
Aunt Sarah: What will happen to the barracks?
Joe: Now, there's no mention of the barracks.
Aunt Sarah: It would make a great wee shopping centre.
Joe: We get a new police force.
Aunt Sarah: Different uniforms as well, I hope. I mean if they want Catholics to join, they're gonna have to find something that works with our complexion.

Orla: Has anybody seen my bow and arrow?
Sarah: Orla really thrives in the wild, you know. That time we went camping in Portsalon, sure she was like Mowgli running around them woods. She was that happy, Mary, I honestly thought about just leaving her there.
Orla: Ach, Mammy.

Mary: [on the phone] How is it going, Colm?
Sarah: [to Gerry] Would you ever think of going cordless?
Mary: Aye, it was freezing cold earlier, that's true.
Sarah: Gemma Sharkey went cordless and she's like a new woman now, Gerry.
Mary: No, it's not as cold now.
Sarah: She can make a call from her living room, from her kitchen, from her bedroom...
Mary: Right, look, Colm, I don't have long. We're sending to the chippy here.
Sarah: And the other night, right, and this is no word of a lie, she rang me from the bath. These cordless phones are the future.

Mary: Right, there's too many of us for one car. Some of you will have to go with me da.
Michelle: Can I? Can I? [to James] Cos Joe drives really fast. He, like, runs through red lights and takes corners on two wheels. It's class!
Orla: [to Clare] It really is.
James: I think I'll hop in with Mr. Quinn, if that's OK.
Clare: Me too!
Sarah: I'll go with me da. He lets me smoke.
Erin: You're coming? What about the grave danger we're putting ourselves in?
Sarah: Well, it's a concern, but so is the fact that I have nothing in for me Sunday dinner, so...

Sarah: Ach, well, I'm delighted for you, Colm.
Gerry: What?!
Sarah: Well, I just mean that, well, before, he had nothing really going for him, but now, well, now he is somebody. Now he is the fella that got tied to his own radiator.
Colm: Thanks, Sarah.
Sarah: We should ring UTV. Get them to do an interview. When Shauna Sharkey was interviewed, do you mind the time when her brother got hijacked? Well, Fionnula gave her free chips for a month.
Mary: You're joking?
Sarah: Honest to God.

Sarah: Will any of your crowd be going, love?
Clare: My crowd?
Sarah: Or can you not get Protestant lesbians?
Clare: No, I think you can get them all right, it's just...

Sarah: I'm devastated. That was when I lost the half-stone doing the Rosemary Conley as well. My collar bone was sort of poking through my skin. Do you remember, Mary?
Mary: Aye, you were far too thin, Sarah.
Sarah: I know, I was. It was brilliant, and now I haven't got so much as a photograph to look back on.

Mary: Erin, what in God's name?
Gerry: Did you kill that wee nun, girls?
Erin: Course we didn't.
Sarah: Then why were you pissing on her dead body and making sandwiches?
Joe: Say nothing, girls. Say nothing till we've seen a lawyer.

Mary: I never slept a wink last night, you know.
Sarah: Me either.
Mary: Keyser Soze?
Sarah: Naw. I went to bed with my rollers in. Sure, it's always a nightmare.
Mary: Then why do you do it?
Sarah: I've no volume at the root, Mary. What choice do I have?