Clare: It is sort of your fault, James. You tore the tickets up.
Erin: What the hell were you thinking?
James: I don't know. I was high on adrenaline. Anyway, what does it matter? I was never gonna win that fight. The man's the size of a wardrobe.
Erin: But you're English, James. About five of you managed to colonise half the planet, so, you know, we thought you might have something up your sleeve.
James: Well, I didn't.

Erin: Why don't you just tell her?
Clare: Because it's pathetic, Erin.
Laurie: Hi, there.
Clare: Hi, I'm a lesbian!
Laurie: Congratulations.
Clare: Thank you.
Laurie: How many of you are there?
Clare: Just me. Just the one lesbian. The rest of them are straight.

Erin: Ach, I just love Halloween. It's the one night of the year that Protestants and Catholics set aside their political and religious differences and just come together...
Orla: And fight ghosts.
Erin: No, Orla.

Sean Coyle: [on radio] Good morning, you're listening to Sean Coyle on BBC Radio Foyle. Let's kick things off with today's phone-in competition. So, with Halloween night less than a week away, we want to know the festival's original name. What did the ancient Celts call Halloween? If you think you know the answer, give us a buzz on 418352.
Aunt Sarah: I tell you who'd know that. Kitty Reilly.
Mary: Really?
Aunt Sarah: Her son's in the ancient Celts.
Mary: Her son plays for Celtic.
Aunt Sarah: Sure, this is what I'm saying.

Michelle: Halloween is class. There's just something about fancy dress that turns an ordinary night out into an absolute free-for-all, riding wise.
James: Beautiful.
Michelle: It really is. Shipquay Street is gonna be a total fucking fiddle fest!

Erin: Why can't God just give us a break?
Clare: I don't know, maybe he hates us.
Sister Michael: Don't be ridiculous, girls.
Erin: Sister Michael?
Sister Michael: Of course God doesn't hate you.
Clare: Thank you, Sister.
Sister Michael: You're not interesting enough.
Clare: I see.
Sister Michael: I'd say he'd be ambivalent towards you, at best.
Clare: Right.
Sister Michael: If he even exists.
Erin: What?
Sister Michael: Nothing.

Clare: Are you hiring out your clothes?
Sister Michael: Me and the girls do it every Halloween. You can make an absolute fortune.
Erin: Is that allowed?
Sister Michael: It's for a good cause.
Erin: Like a charity thing?
Sister Michael: Like a foreign holiday thing. Good day, ladies.

Presenter: [on TV] And while Fatboy Slim's presence brings excitement...
Erin: I'm sorry, can we just turn this off?
Presenter: ...it also led to heartbreak for a group of local young people. Earlier today we caught up with local teenager Michelle Mallon to hear more.
Clare: What?
Presenter: Michelle, something awful happened to your cousin James recently.
Michelle: [on TV] That's right, Margaret. He was too chicken to come on here and speak about it himself.
James: What's happening?
Michelle: James doesn't have a lot going on. He isn't very bright, he's not much to look at, and there's no easy way to say this... [clears throat] He's also English.
Presenter: I'm so sorry to hear that.
Michelle: Thank you, Margaret.

Gerry: The thing is, Ciaran, there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, about the engagement.
Ciaran: She's not calling it off, is she?
Joe: Well done, Columbo.
Ciaran: Why? Oh, Christ, she's met someone else, hasn't she?
Gerry: Not exactly. Now, this is going to sound a bit hard to believe, but the fact is, Ciaran, that when you gave her the ring...
[Aunt Sarah walks into the room in her nun costume]
Aunt Sarah: God, Ciaran, are you still here?
Ciaran: Sarah.
Aunt Sarah: I'm awful sorry, Ciaran, are you OK?
Ciaran: Well, it's... it's a lot to take in. Though I suppose you were always spiritual in your own way.
Aunt Sarah: You're not angry with me, Ciaran, are you?
Ciaran: No. How could I be? A calling's a calling.
Aunt Sarah: Happy days.
Ciaran: I'm... I'm going to... I should go. Goodbye, Sarah.
Aunt Sarah: Goodbye, Ciaran, and God bless. [Ciaran whimpers as he walks away] He's looking well on it, isn't he?
Gerry: Stop.

Mary: Are you engaged to Ciaran, Sarah?
Aunt Sarah: Why do you keep asking that?
Gerry: Because that's an invitation to your engagement party.
Aunt Sarah: Oh, God, aye, so it is. I think I know what's happened there.
Gerry: Do you mind filling the rest of us in?
Aunt Sarah: Well, two Fridays ago, Ciaran came to pick me up from dancercise. I'm gasping, I mean, I've a mouth on me like Gandhi's flip-flop. I tell him you need to stop at the shop and grab me a Calypso, but he says he has a better idea, and he pulls over, and he whips out...
Joe: Whips out what? What does he whip out?
Aunt Sarah: This ring. And he asks me if I'd do him the honour of accepting it.
Mary: And you did?
Aunt Sarah: Well, I knew the stone would restrict me a fair bit, nail polish wise. I mean, red's out for a start.
Mary: Christ almighty.
Aunt Sarah: And I'm wondering if me taking this ring has somehow led Ciaran to think I'd agreed to marry him.
Gerry: I'd say there's a chance it did, yeah.
Aunt Sarah: What a nightmare. I'm not even that into him, to be honest.
Joe: Not your fault, love. These bloody fellas, they only hear what they want to hear.
Mary: You have to tell him, Sarah.
Aunt Sarah: Do you think?
Mary: Yes.
Aunt Sarah: But I don't have to give the ring back, do I?