Buster: Where's Mother? You lied to me. You said my father was my father, but my uncle is my father. My father is my uncle!

Lindsay: It's fine for you to say "Don't sell," but I'm going to be 40 in three years, you know?
Michael: You know, being twins, our birthdays are pretty close to one another.
Lindsay: Yeah, but a 40-year-old woman has as much a chance of getting married as she does of getting attacked by a shark.
Buster: [screams] Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were going to say "seal."
Lindsay: Or a seal.
Buster: Oh, God!

Narrator: But as her trial grew closer, it was getting harder for Lucille not to alienate her alibi.
Lucille: This toast has hook holes. Again! I told you to get rid of that thing. It's hideous. Plus, what's gonna happen when they swear you in? You're gonna rip the Bible in half. The jury'll love that.
Buster: You're getting pretty snippy to your key witness, aren't you?
Lucille: What do you want?
Buster: Maybe you could hook me up with a little stimmy. Lil' stimmy.
Lucille: Are you trying to do this?
Buster: Yes! And I want stimmy to get a hook that'll do that.

Lucille: Because it was your life I was going after to save. He fell off the boat. He'll tell you in my own words.
Buster: Uh... Homosexuals kidnapped-
Lucille: Up, up, up.
Buster: Homosexuals kidnapped the boat and took it on a joy ride. Mother didn't want to trample their rights, so she let 'em. Then she realized that her son fell off the boat and into the water, and she went back. Oh, and a fish swam by my ankle. [gasps] That really happened. Should I keep that?
Lucille: Make it an eel.
Buster: Okay. It's gonna be an eel!
Barry: Better.

Lucille: So you can see why I need the testimony of someone who's not a hot mess.
Buster: You're a hot mess!
Lucille: You're a hot mess!

Lucille Austero: But listen, Buster, before I invite you into my arms, my bedroom, my bathtub with the railing, I have to ask you something. Are you sure you're ready for this?
Buster: So, that pretend kid's bedroom, is that not an option?
Lucille Austero: No, that room is all storage now, honey. So, yes or no? Are you ready to let go of your mother?
Narrator: Buster thought he was, although there was one ominous sign.
Buster: I am ready for that, Lucille. [they kiss]
Narrator: Did you hear it?
Lucille Austero: Wait. Did you just drop the "2" after my name?
Buster: [chuckles] I hope not. That would be creepy.
Narrator: Before you accidentally skip back too far and wind up in the middle of the Maeby episode, trust me, no "2" was spoken.

Michael: Nothing to worry about. They're looking for Lucille Austero. They want to question you.
Buster: Why would I know anything about Lucille 2? I hope you didn't say we were dating.
Michael: Uh, well, I mean, you you did live with her.
Buster: Well, I lived with Mother, too. Did you think we were dating? [chuckles]
Michael: Question's been asked.

Buster: Well, there's a lot of stuff I've done in this prison that you might not approve of. I touched a mouse. I read an illustrated Qur'an for kids, and at recess once, I sat in "Blacks only."
Lucille: Yard.
Buster: Oh, I keep doing that. But maybe what you really don't approve of is me.
Lucille: If you must know the truth, I'm not thrilled with you.
Buster: Okay.
Lucille: The last time I saw you, you told me you didn't need me anymore.
Buster: Okay- So I'm to believe that's what you're upset about? [laughs] Not that you think I'm a murderer? Or that I touched a mouse?

Buster: And did you notice that banner? It said, "Welcome Home From Prison Again, Buster." I mean, it's like, did they expect me to come home from prison?
Oscar: Yeah. I think they were just being ironic. I mean, it's like a...
Buster: Oh.
Oscar: A not-surprise party.
Buster: Like if Buster was coming home, he'd expect a surprise party, so it wouldn't be a surprise. Since he's in jail, we're gonna throw a party and not tell him since there won't be guests.
Oscar: Yep.
Buster: [chuckles] Well, I am surprised she went through all that trouble. Oh, so I guess it worked.

Michael: Okay. Before I leave this place for the last time ever, has anyone seen Gob?
Buster: I saw him last night at the Playtime Pizza Theater. On my date. Of which I have another one tonight. And I'm going to continue dating, Mom.
Michael: Sounds a little bit like "dating Mom."
Buster: It's starting to feel a little like it.
Michael: Hmm.