Narrator: But alone with Buster, the tension grew worse, and things came to a head the night before the trial.
Lucille: Buster, I'm going to exhale!
Buster: No, please! I've had, like, seven in the past half hour.
Lucille: You're not the one staring five years in the face.
Buster: Well, right now, I'm staring at 100 years in the face!
Lucille: How dare you. [to the guard] Would you mind?
Buster: Be careful, defendant. Remember who you're talking to. It sure would be a shame if something happened to your pretty little key witness.
Lucille: Star witness. And are you threatening yourself?
Buster: Maybe I am.

Lucille Austero: Buster.
Buster: My mother's gone away, and I thought, you've always been like a...
Lucille Austero: Girlfriend.
Buster: Not what I was gonna say. Anyways, I was over there, and my friend's over here, and I thought, maybe I should just move in, because I love to hear all about your medications and ailments and whatnot. Is that baby toe of yours still crawling over the others like a weird weed?
Lucille: Buster, how sweet of you to remember.
Buster: Oh, it's one of my night terrors.

Buster: You always come back to save the family, Michael. We joke about that all the time.
Michael: Well, I don't know what the joke is, okay? I've been trying to do the right thing.
Buster: [laughs] "Hi, I'm Michael, and I save everyone so I feel special, even though you don't deserve it. So I'm leaving and I won't be coming back."
Michael: Buster-
Buster: "Oh! Look who's back. I thought we were supposed to go [bleep] with a [bleep] ." "Mmm, you would know, Mother. You practically invented [bleep] [bleep] when you get sauced!" [gasps] "How dare you point that limp [bleep] hook at me when I saved you from one! I can't believe I pushed you out of my [bleep] , you useless [bleep] freak!" [inhales deeply]
Michael: Covered a lot of ground there.
Buster: Yeah.
Michael: Although I'm glad I won't be leaving you alone.

Michael: Lucille 2 is probably gonna be back from whatever bender she's on. She's gonna be as dry as, uh... Well, Lucille 1.
Buster: I can hear Mother winking now.

Buster: So, Mom wouldn't come in, huh?
Michael: How'd you know she was here?
Buster: I can smell her on you.
Michael: Ah. Right. I forgot, you're good at that. I remember that time she changed her perfume and she lost you at the park.
Buster: [laughing] Yeah. That never happened. It was at Nordstrom's, and Mother was ambushed by the Charlie girl.
Michael: Yes. And we found you in the break room with the Chanel man.
Buster: He should never have lost his job for that.
Michael: What happened?
Buster: He was just giving me a Fanta! I know I should've spoken up for him, but I was only a boy. I was barely out of my teens.

Lucille: Buster, please. The parade's in two days. The whole city will be there. The last thing this family needs right now is a Bluth in a chain gang, picking up trash.
Buster: Well, it's either that, or I'm gonna start spewing it. And your job's not gonna be easy since, of course, I got dinged because I screamed, "Turn it off!" after they showed the half-man. It's like they need another reason to call me...
Lucille: Half-man?
Buster: Jon Cryer.
Lucille: Oh.

Oscar: Yeah. Are you hungry? 'Cause there's some dried food out there that's still technically everybody's.
Buster: You don't think we should wait until the store closes? I mean, we're technically in their display.
Oscar: Okay, here's what we do. When I go out, you just be still, and if anyone looks in, you pretend like you're a mannequin. Can you do that?
Buster: You're looking at a boy who faked a coma for two weeks to get out of a spelling bee.
Oscar: I thought that was to get out of testifying.
Buster: No, that was a three-month coma.
Oscar: Hey, before I go, if something happens out there, and I get caught and I don't come back, I just want to tell you that this this being with you has been ah, it's been... [takes a deep breath] I cherish it. My son. [Buster is acting like a mannequin] All right, fine. Be that way.

Narrator: But back in America, Michael was working on a way to make his runaway family return.
Michael: So, we gotta wait about 48 hours before we declare you missing, and then they put out an APB.
Buster: APB. "Aw, poor Buster." That's nice.

Lucille: I mean, she's been a family friend for years. It's just... creepy.
Michael: Hi, buddy. Mom, I think you might be overreacting.
Lucille: She changed him as a baby.
Michael: Okay. That- That's about the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
Buster: That's why she didn't look surprised.

Lucille: Where the hell is my maid? Robot!
Narrator: But the robot was busy elsewhere.
Buster: What do you expect, Mother? I'm half machine! I'm a monster! [screams]