Buster: [recording] Mother, when you see this videotape, you'll know that I left. Not out of cowardice, but out of- [yawns] Oh, man. It's tiring in here. Oh.
Narrator: Six minutes later, Michael dropped off his mother's housekeeper.
Buster: [wakes up] Mexico.
Narrator: In fact, he was in Santa Ana, a town six minutes inland from his home. But the combination of losing his glasses and breathing carbon monoxide had impaired Buster's judgment.
Buster: Oh, this shall keep me safe from the hot Mexican sun.
Lupe: Excuse me. What are you doing?
Buster: I'm trying to find a place to live.
Lupe: Ay. [Spanish: "So now I must take care of Buster."]

Narrator: In fact, Buster never went to the army. He'd gotten hooked playing the skill crane and missed his first day. Somewhat ashamed and with nowhere to go, he returned home.
Gob: Hey, Buster.
Lucille: Buster! Thank God you're back! There's no shame in being a coward.
Buster: A coward? I'm not a coward. Would a coward have this?
Lucille: What the hell is that?
Buster: These are my awards, Mother, from army. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.
Lucille: You're doing well?
Buster: I was just dropping these off. Now, if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.

Lucille: Buster. Nice of you to take a break from that common whore you've been dating.
Buster: She is not a whore, Mother. She happens to be the new secretary of the Bluth Company. And, yes, she's more experienced than a normal girl. But sometimes love should be terrifying.
Narrator: In fact, Buster had even started using his army stealth training.
[flashback to Buster in Starla's bathroom:]
Starla: [o.s.] Buster.
Buster: I'll be right in, and then maybe we can talk about... [cuts the window net with his army knife] Makin' that love. [climbs out the window]
[present:]
Lucille: I shouldn't complain. It's better than you dating Lucille 2, [shouts] that bitch! [Michael gives Lucille a thumbs up]
Buster: Lucille 2's not a "B," Mother. She's kind, and she's caring and she's certainly less experienced than that [shouts] whore that I'm dating now.
Narrator: And perhaps it was screaming it out loud that made Buster realize that he missed Lucille 2.

Buster: How'd you like to take a nap, baldy?
Gob: I'll handle this. She's my girlfriend, pal. Take him down, Buster.
Buster: Your girlfriend? That's why you were in her robe and slippies. You weren't trying to get into her head. You were trying to get into her... robe and slippies. She's my girlfriend!

Michael: Where do we go next?
Buster: I will tell you this, Michael. If Mother saw those two, she is going to change clothes. And that means he'll be on the balcony. Whenever she changed clothes, she made me wait on the balcony until zip-up. And yet, anything goes at bath time.

Narrator: Meanwhile, George Sr. arrived at the Startled Straight tent.
Buster: I'll be waiting out here with my enlistment forms, so go in there and scare them right into my open arm!

Narrator: Buster had recently brought home a turtle in an incredibly misguided attempt to make his mother jealous.
Buster: You can stay in this box that Uncle/Father Oscar left behind.
Narrator: In fact, it was a box of Oscar's legally obtained medical marijuana.
Buster: Oh, good, you've already got grass.
Narrator: Primo bud. Real sticky weed.
[present:]
Buster: Although I was getting a little worried because she was moving really slowly last week. And then she stopped. Hmm.

Michael: Well, am I the only one that thinks that this family is finally starting to become sympathetic and relatable? I mean, that's what people want to see. You know, Lindsay's taking care of the house.
Lucille: Oh, I forgot about that. Tell the "housewife" she's not coming either.
Buster: If you don't want her, you don't want me either. She's taking care of me. She glued my thumb back on. Sister's my new mother, Mother. And is it just me, or is she looking hotter, too?
Lucille: Well, why don't you marry her?
Buster: Maybe I will!
Michael: We're veering away from relatability again.

Lindsay: I'm trying to get on with my life. And you know what? You can't deal with it.
Tobias: No, I can't Lindsay.
Lindsay: You're not interested in me.
Tobias: And you're not capable of intimacy.
Buster: [sits up and shouts] Well, just fake it! [lays back down] Coma.
Narrator: And, believe it or not, that actually got through to them.
Buster: Now will you please turn on the Cartoon Network and get the hell out of here?

George Sr.: We're getting a divorce. [Buster wails]
Michael: I want to know about the stimulus package.
George Sr.: We haven't had sex since Christmas, Michael!
Buster: I'm- I'm sorry. You had sex seven weeks ago? They were remodeling my room, and I pulled my cot in there, just like camp.
Lucille: We yelled at you to leave.
Buster: Yeah, but then you whispered, "Don't pull out!" [Gob groans]