Dick: You know, I had such a great time with Mary today. In the past, there's always been this human-alien barrier. But today, we were just two Americans.
Tommy: You're Canadian.
Dick: What?!
Tommy: Your passport here says you're Canadian.
Harry: Guilty.
Dick: No! How come I'm not American?
Tommy: Well, I thought it would look pretty suspicious if all four members of our family were from the same country.
Dick: I can't argue with that logic. What am I gonna do? How am I gonna tell Mary that's she's sleeping with the enemy?

Dick: Care for a Canadian lager?
Mary: Oh, put that away. We're at school.
Dick: Fine. Fine. Mmm. Mary, this Canadian bacon is good stuff. Would you like some?
Mary: I don't think I've ever had Canadian bacon.
Dick: Oh, Mary, you've been having it for the last four years!

Tommy: Fine. If you want to be an American so badly, I'll just print you up a fake passport.
Dick: No, don't you get it, man? I've been fake for too long. For five years, I've been pretending to be human with Mary. But for one brief, shining moment, we were both real. Real Americans. I want that back.
Tommy: Well, then you'll have to do it the hard way. Apply for citizenship.
Dick: The hard way is the American way.
Tommy: Tell me about it. I'm wearing standard-issue underwear. And guess what? It rides.
Dick: Until I get my American citizenship, I'll just be careful what I talk "aboot" around Mary.
Tommy: Uh... "Aboot?"
Dick: Did I say "aboot?" Oh, I'm sorry. I've been under a lot of stress, eh? Eh? Oh!