Nina: See ya.
Dick: Oh, uh, Nina now that you're going to Mary's new office and leaving me, I want to wish you luck and tell you I've never been happy with your work.
Nina: And now that I'm leaving, I want you to know... you can kiss my Black behind.

Harry: Sally, this is gonna be a night you'll remember for the rest of your life. You know, I'll never forget the night that I lost my virginity to, uh... Oh, what's-her-name over at the place. Magic!

Sally: Well, Dubie's my expert. This little lady told me she lost her virginity fourteen times, huh?
Tommy: Wait. Is that possible?
Mrs. Dubcek: No, but a girl's got to be mindful of her reputation.

Dick: Well, Sally, we knew that this time would come someday, so we wanted to make sure that you had protection. [hands Sally a baseball bat]

Dick: Hello, Mary.
Mary: Oh, Dick, you don't have to call me Dean.
Dick: Well, I didn't. I said, "Hello, Mary."
Mary: Oh, good. Because nothing's changed. I'm still Mary. It's just that I got a major promotion to a position of genuine authority, so if you'd wanted to call me Dean, I'd understand, but you don't have to.
Dick: I didn't.
Mary: Good.

Dick: Nina, what are you doing?
Nina: I'm working for you again. And if you think you weren't satisfied with my work before, just wait till you see all the typos and lost messages you've got comin' your way!

Tommy: You know, Sally, sex isn't always all it's cracked up to be.
Sally: How would you know?
Tommy: I don't.

Judith: What I'm about to say may be repeated to no one.
Mary: What is it? [all look around]
Judith: I was in the chancellor's office, and they were discussing the vacancy left by Dean Sumner. Mary, I have it on excellent authority that you have been selected as the new Dean of the School of Arts and Sciences.
Mary: Me?!
Judith: Shh!
Mary: [quietly] Me?
Judith: [quietly] You.
Mary: [quietly] I'm the new Dean?
Dick, Nina & Judith: You're the new Dean.
Judith: Remember, not a word to anyone. [a man bumps into Mary's chair]
Dick: Watch out, you idiot! You've just bumped into the new Dean!

Lucy: What do you think you're doing?
Dick: Refilling my drink.
Lucy: No free refills.
Dick: Oh, is that a fact?
Lucy: That's a fact.
Dick: Do you know who you're dealing with?
Lucy: Unfortunately.
Dick: That's it! By the power vested in me by the Dean of Arts and Sciences, you're fired! Pack your bags, princess! The free ride's over. You are out of here!
Lucy: Fine. [chuckles]
Dick: What's so funny?
Lucy: Oh, if you only knew what you've been eating all this time.
Dick: The joke's on you. I may have eaten it, but never once did I ever... keep it down.

Tommy: So maybe it wasn't the best idea to throw Sally a surprise party.
Dick: Tommy, maybe you'd like to lose your virginity without your family jumping out and yelling, but I know I wouldn't.