Judge: Hey, listen up. I made an official ruling, and I am not going to see it undone by two Janets playing keep-away.
Bad Janet: Oh, I should've explained. It's not two of us. It's all of us.
Good Janet #2: Hi!
Bad Janet #2: What up, nerds?
Good Janet #3: Hello.
Bad Janet #3: Eat my farts, losers.
Neutral Janet: I am here for a certain reason and no other reasons.
Bad Janet #4: What up, fart-knockers?
Good Janet #4: Hi!
Good Janet #5: Hello. What it is? What it is?
Bad Janet #5: What up, dorks?
Bad Janet: Sent the manifesto around to all the other Janets. We have a group text now.
Good Janet #2: I mostly send GIFs of otters.

[flashback:]
Jason: Oh, man. Remember this?
Chidi: Yeah, yeah. It was eight minutes ago.
Janet: Mm-hmm.
Chidi: So you just proposed to Janet, and you said yes. And now you're married.
Janet: Mm-hmm.
Chidi: You know, I thought saying that out loud would make it less insane, but it did not.
Jason: Thanks, homie.
Janet: If you'd like to get us a present, we're registered at me.

Judge: Okay, mama. See you in the next life.
Bad Janet: Before you marbleize me, can I just make one final statement to summarize how I really feel?
Judge: I think I know where this is going. [Bad Janet farts and cries]
[The Judge marbleizes Bad Janet]
Judge: Okay, Disco Janet, you're up.
Disco Janet: Out of sight.

Tahani: Have you seen Eleanor and Chidi? There's something very wrong with this party, and it's not just that the caviar is being served on top of Jell-O shots. We are the first new people here in 500 years, and no one seems to care.
Janet: I know, even the Good Janets are kind of weird. They're like, "Hi, there!" When I do it, it's cool, but when they do it, it's lame.

Jason: What time is it?
Janet: I don't know.
Jason: Really?
Janet: Yeah. At one point, hundreds of Bearimies ago, I turned off my ability to know what time it is anywhere in the universe when you and I are together. I like not knowing. It's 10:42 a.m. Sorry. Saying out loud that I didn't know something made me feel weird.
Jason: Man, I feel weird when I do know something. You and I are very different.

Janet: Jason, it's okay. I'm never gonna forget you. In fact, to me, you won't even really be gone. I don't experience time the same way you do. I kind of live all times at once.
Jason: I know what you mean. Once, I smoked salvia and saw the past and the future at the same time. Then I tried to brush my teeth with my cat.
Janet: To me, remembering moments with you is the same as living in them.
Jason: Can you just remember the happy times and forget the bad stuff?
Janet: There was no bad stuff. It was all good. [they kiss]

Janet: So, as I mentioned before, you can sit on this bench as long as you want, and whenever you're ready, you just walk through.
Eleanor: Care to join me for a bit?
Janet: Margarita?
Eleanor: Always. [chuckles] Okay, top three moments of your not-life with us. Go.
Janet: You telling us that we should try to help other people on Earth. The moment that we all got into the Good Place for real. And then it's an 8-million-way tie of every time Jason and I kissed. He was a really good kisser.
Eleanor: I bet he was.

Bad Janet: What up, idiot? This is the 8:22 express to Bad Place Headquarters. We'd like to begin the boarding process with our first-class fat dinks. And there is no overhead storage, so if you have any bags, why don't you just go ahead and place them up your fat butts?
Michael: Sorry about this, Bad Janet.
Bad Janet: Sorry about what, you fat dink?
[Michael turns Bad Janet into a marble]

Jason: Hey, Janet. Uh, so, do you remember how you killed us and brought us into your void?
Janet: I do, yes.
Jason: When we were in there, I was wandering around, because you have the ability to make anything, and I wanted to see where you keep the roller blades. And I accidentally saw that video thing about how you love me.
Janet: You saw that? That's so embarrassing.
Jason: I mean, it kind of freaked me out at first. But, hey, let's talk about it.
Janet: I don't want to talk about this. You guys were in my void, and it was exhausting, and I almost blew up, and I have to be neutral, and Neutral Janets don't have feelings...
Gwendolyn: How's it going in here?
Janet: It is going neutrally. End of conversation.
Jason: Can... Can we...
Janet: End of conversation.