Murray: It's Daddy Daughter Day!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was a classic move. Back in the day, my dad took my sister to this very rink for some quality father-daughter bonding.
Erica: But I haven't been here in years, and I was so young and stupid, and I think you might be wearing the same shirt.
Murray: Come on. It'll melt all your troubles away. Besides, I didn't eat salt this morning so my skates would fit.
Erica: One lap.
Murray: Let's do it.

Murray: Where are you going?
Erica: Home. This was a huge mistake.
Murray: I admit taking a Fanta out onto the rink with all the signs telling you not to was a big mistake, but we should talk.
Erica: You want to talk? You're famously bad at that.
Murray: Yeah, that's because I'm usually tired, bored, or disinterested, or there's something better on TV. But I'm good. Let's talk.
Erica: Fine. Let's talk.

Johnny Atkins: [over P.A.] Attention, rink-rollers. It's closing time. You don't have to roll home, but you can't roll here.
Erica: Well, that was fun.
Murray: Well, why should it end now? Let's turn our Daddy Daughter Day into a Daddy Daughter Night.
Erica: What a weird and uncomfortable turn of phrase, but what do we even do?
Murray: Wait. Did you give that voucher to Barry?
Erica: You mean the one that's for my anniversary dinner?
Murray: You mean our Daddy Daughter Dinner? Come on. I was right about this, wasn't I? Not only that, but they have beef Wellington! That's meat inside a loaf of bread. Science is real.
Erica: I guess.
Murray: Dinner with my Peanut! Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my prank had gone sour, my sister and Dad were enjoying the sweet life at Philly's best restaurant.
Jerome: Welcome, lovers. Mademoiselle Erica. Monsieur Geoff.
Murray: Uh, no lovers. I'm not Geoff. I'm the girl's father.
Jerome: It is your night. You are whoever you want to be.
Erica: Geoff must have planned this months ago. This is a culinary journey through our relationship.
Murray: Okay, could you take these menus and just bring in the regular ones?
Jerome: But that would be an entirely new charge.
Murray: We'll push through.

Erica: Dad, I just don't feel right about this.
Murray: So we had a little hiccup with the menu. We're gonna have a great time.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But they weren't. They super weren't.
Erica: Looks exactly like my prom corsage.
Murray: [smushes food] Not anymore.
Jerome: Bon appétit.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And it only got worse from there.
Jerome: For mademoiselle, your favorite, coq au vin, and for the gentleman, trout almondine.
Murray: Why is it cut into teensy pieces?
Erica: Geoff was terrified of choking, 'cause he always did. God, I miss him so much.
Murray: Don't, because he wasn't special. All men like a pre-cut piece of trout. [laughs] There's no way I'm ordering pizza later.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And then he brought out the face cake.
Murray: Really, guy?
Erica: I can't even look at it.
Murray: [grabs Geoff's face] Mmm. Oh, my God. There's chocolate mousse on the inside!
Erica: Like the moose that we saw when we went upstate.
Jerome: I believe that was the intention.
Murray: You're not getting a tip.
Jerome: You already generously included it, Monsieur Schwartz.
Murray: I'm not him! Why can't you get that?
Erica: Why can't you get that I didn't want to come here?
Murray: Peanut...
Erica: No, don't "Peanut" me. I don't know why I thought you of all people would make me feel better.

Erica: Oh, my God, Dad. Please, no more.
Murray: Get this... there's nothing I can do to help you.
Erica: That's it? I mean, even with no expectations, that's brutal, man.
Murray: I know I'm no good at this, but I can't stand to see you like this.
Erica: Look at you. It's like you actually care.
Murray: I do care, more than you could possibly know. But, [sighs] breakups are really hard, and the only thing you can do is live through it.
Erica: So you tried distracting me with roller skating?
Murray: I blew it.
Erica: Not entirely. Like that time you fell. And then that other time you fell.
Murray: I stink at roller skating.
Erica: Yeah, but you are a pretty okay dad.
Murray: Look at you. I came in here to make you feel better, and you're making me feel better.
Erica: Well, what can I say? I'm a pretty okay daughter.
Murray: I think... you're the best daughter.
Erica: The unicorn? How many quarters did you spend to get this?
Murray: Too many, and then I had to bribe your scary friend to open up the machine.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Lainey and Erica were reconnected, my lies were about to get me disconnected.
Adam: Oh, come on! You can't save your progress in Super Mario Bros.!
Murray: You think you can just spend the day with Marco and Linguini as if nothing happened?
Adam: Do you even know what I did?
Murray: Whatever it is, I'm very disappointed!
Beverly: You heard your father.
Murray: You're gonna go to Pop-Pop's and help him out around the house.
Adam: Pop-Pop?! He doesn't need my help. He's energized by a lifetime of spite and resentment.
Murray: You're gonna help him put on his compression socks.
Beverly: Open the sock real wide so his nails don't snag the material.

Murray: That reminds me... bring the toe clippers. Do you know how to do a medical pedicure?
Adam: Is this punishment or just a bunch of stuff you don't want to do?
Murray: Why can't it be both?
Adam: I'm still a child! I shouldn't have to learn about the world this way.
Murray: You're 11! It's about time for the blinders to come off.
Adam: I'm 17.
Murray: So are your grandpa's heel spurs, which need sanding.
Adam: Ugh! This is cruel and unusual!
Murray: You should have thought of that before you did or didn't do the thing that you did or didn't do.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] There was no way I could choose between my girl and my best friend. So in a desperate move, I went to the only other person home.
Adam: Dad, I need your help.
Murray: I'm saving my energy for a trip to the kitchen later.
Adam: What about Mom?
Murray: Great idea. She can bring me food from the kitchen.
Adam: Why is it when I don't need advice, everyone has some, but when I do need it, you're the only one here?
Murray: Just say the thing.
Adam: Fine. I'm excited to go to prom with Brea, but Dave Kim doesn't want to go. What do I do?
Murray: The kid who wears glasses in the pool can't get a date to prom?
Adam: How'd you know that?
Murray: The only reason you wouldn't go to prom is 'cause you don't have a date.
Adam: So, you're saying if he did have a date, I wouldn't have to choose?
Murray: I don't know. I stopped listening after I was done talking.