Kitty: Okay, let's see, where to start? Well, your father and I were furious when we caught you boys in that smoky basement. The minute you left for the airport, we went down there to do what the Feds call "a sweep."
[flashback:]
Kitty: How dare you boys smoke up my house when you know how hard I work to keep it smelling lemony fresh!
Red: You morons just hung vacancy signs on your asses, and my foot's looking for a room!

Fez: You told me you wanted to tell Hyde that you still love him and you wanted him back.
Jackie: Yeah, well, it's obvious he doesn't want me back. So you better not tell him what I said or I'll be humiliated.
Fez: My lips are a seal's.
Kelso: Wait, don't you mean that your lips are sealed?
Fez: I'm not hearing the difference.

Red: So, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high school dumbass with no car, no job and no money trims the hedges.
Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell out of here.

Red: You know, it's amazing how you always manage to pull the car right up to the garage, but not actually into it.
Eric: Yup. Takes a keen eye and a sure foot.
Red: How would you like your keen eye to watch my sure foot kick your smart ass?

Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?

Red: Today was a total disaster. I didn't sell one muffler and I drove a dozen customers into the hands of my competition. If I were a younger, more flexible man, I'd shove my foot up my own ass.

Eric: Oh, hey. What took you guys so long at the heart doctor's? Oh, let me guess. You had to call in a specialist just to find Dad's tiny heart.
Red: You know, we could call in a specialist to find my foot in your ass.
Hyde: "We're going to need an ass-foot-ologist, stat."

Kelso: You know, I'm gonna take Red's car. I know he's got to hide a key in there somewhere.
Red: Are you brain-damaged?
Kelso: Fez, did you just say, "Are you brain-damaged?" and sound exactly like Red?
Fez: Kelso, you know I only do Johnny Carson and Pepe Le Pew.
Red: Get away from my car.
Kelso: Your car, my car. Aren't we all just driving the same car? It's a car called "life."
Red: How about I drive my foot into this thing called your ass?
Kelso: A simple "no" would suffice.

Kelso: Well, Donna, turns out Brooke doesn't like intelligent men.
Hyde: Kelso, you didn't have sex with her, man, just let it go.
Brooke: [enters] Michael, I need to talk to you.
Kelso: Yeah, about what?
Brooke: About our night together at the Molly Hatchet concert.
Kelso: [smiles] Excuse me. [to Fez] Burn! [to Donna] Burn! [to Eric] Burn! [to Jackie] Burn! [to Hyde] Burn!
[Kelso runs upstairs into the kitchen]
Kelso: [to Kitty] Burn! [to Red] Burn.
[Kelso runs out the sliding door and down the stairs back to the basement]
Kelso: Burn. We totally did it!
Brooke: Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant.
Kelso: I never touched her.

Red: What's going on?
Kelso: Oh, just a classic case of hand stuck in vase.
Red: Well, get it off, or you'll have a classic case of foot stuck in ass.