Red: You think my problem is my own son? My son is a fine young man.
Eric: Wow, Dad, you don't have...
Red: Shut up, dumbass. You know less about my family than you do about football! Which isn't saying much, since you dropped every pass that came near you! And let me tell you something else. When a real Packer hurts his leg, he stuffs his kneecap back in and keeps on running!
Eric: That's what this little mushroom would have done.

Hyde: Hey, Red, I got a question for you. My wife says she doesn't want anything for Valentine's Day. So I'm off the hook, right?
Red: Let me tell you a little story. There was a woman, a newlywed. And she told her husband, "Rather than waste money on gifts, save for retirement." And so he never bought her a gift. Not for Christmas, birthdays, never. And 50 years later, she thanked him. And you know who that woman was?
Hyde: No.
Red: That woman was the invisible dancing fairy of Dumbass Land. All women want gifts.

Fez: Ah, we've been here for, like, an hour. We've only moved, like, two feet.
Kelso: You think the lines at the D.M.V. are long? You should see the free clinic. Now, there's a wait.
Hyde: Man, you've been to the free clinic?
Kelso: No. Oh, but I did see your mom there. Burn! [Hyde punches Kelso's arm] [chuckles] That's gonna leave a mark. Just like your mom did! [laughs]

Kelso: Well, Donna, turns out Brooke doesn't like intelligent men.
Hyde: Kelso, you didn't have sex with her, man, just let it go.
Brooke: [enters] Michael, I need to talk to you.
Kelso: Yeah, about what?
Brooke: About our night together at the Molly Hatchet concert.
Kelso: [smiles] Excuse me. [to Fez] Burn! [to Donna] Burn! [to Eric] Burn! [to Jackie] Burn! [to Hyde] Burn!
[Kelso runs upstairs into the kitchen]
Kelso: [to Kitty] Burn! [to Red] Burn.
[Kelso runs out the sliding door and down the stairs back to the basement]
Kelso: Burn. We totally did it!
Brooke: Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant.
Kelso: I never touched her.

Red: You know, we're getting killed here thanks to your screwing up that last event. All you had to do was build a cabin out of Lincoln Logs.
Eric: Well, I thought I'd score some extra points by building the Millennium Falcon.
Red: The Millennium what? If that's a Star Wars thing, I'm gonna kick you in the ass.
Eric: It's not a Star Wars thing. It's a very rare falcon that can do the Kessel Run in under six parsecs.

[circle:]
Hyde: I can't close my mouth. Can you close your mouth? It's really starting to freak me out. Leo's the best.
Kelso: Leo made me a grilled cheese once. He used butter and made the crust extra toasty. He forgot cheese. I'm gonna miss that grilled-cheese-making son of a bitch.
Jackie: You know, one time, I heard Leo talking on the phone and he was speaking Chinese. So I said, "Leo, stop speaking Chinese." So he turned around, and it wasn't Leo. It was a Chinese guy. [sighs] You know, I'll never forget that.
Fez: I'm just sad I'll never get to see his face when I tell him I did it with Nina. Actually, I'd like to see my face when I do it with Nina. I bet I look like a stallion.
Hyde: So today we sit in this circle in honor of Leo. He was my boss. He was my friend. He was my connection. To Leo.
All: To Leo!

Hyde: You're talking about him like he's gone, man. He would have told me if he was leaving town.
Kelso: Maybe a U.F.O. appeared. And it shot down a beam and made everyone and everything inside the Fotohut vanish. Yeah, like an apparition.
Hyde: Kelso, you don't even know what an apparition is.
Kelso: Hey, if I can't use words I don't understand this is gonna be one quiet afternoon.