David: I asked you to get her invited to the fundraiser, not involved in the fundraiser.
Johnny: The fundraiser was your idea! You didn't think your mother would get involved in planning a fundraiser? My God, she had Hilary shaking last year at the Clinton foundation dinner.

Johnny: Hi, Bob, what's, uh, going on?
Bob: Johnny, what are you doing here?
Johnny: Well, I just came by to talk to you about the office space.
Bob: It's funny to hear that, because before you were saying this isn't office space. And, uh, well, I got to thinking, well, if it's not office space, then, what the heck is it?! And then I remembered Gwen's nephew, Eric, here, was looking for studio space. Uh, he draws Chinese cartoons.
Eric: They're Japanese graphic novels. It's called Manga.
Johnny: Oh, well, that sounds like a lucrative career choice.

Johnny: So anyway, Bob, I've decided to take this space for my office, so.
Bob: Ooh, now this is a bit awkward, because you gave me the distinct impression that you didn't want it. And now we, uh, have Eric here.
Johnny: Yeah, well, Eric can find a you know, a back room, or a dark basement to doodle in.
Eric: Well, that's okay, Uncle Bob. I don't have any money.
Bob: Neither does Johnny, and he's not even related to me.
Johnny: No, but you said Eric was Gwen's nephew, so technically he's not related to you, either. So no offence, Eric.
Eric: No, that's fair.

Moira: Those two are not as simple minded as we thought.
Johnny: He is.

David: Okay, well, say you owned Blouse Barn.
Johnny: Well, first of all, I'd never get into the clothing business 'cause the margins are terrible-
David: Okay, let's pretend for a sec. And someone was offering you $10,000 to stop using the name because there's another Blouse Barn in Australia and they need the name.
Johnny: $10,000 to stop using the name "Blouse Barn?"
David: That's correct.
Johnny: I would take that in a second. It's a terrible name.
David: Okay, but that's not-
Johnny: Now, at least with "Rose Video," it said what it was, and the logo looked great on a golf shirt.

Johnny: No, Don, here's the joke. The joke is I'm sitting here in a half decent restaurant with my wife and our friends. And all you two have done is complain about the food, and pretend that you didn't leave us high and dry after we lost everything.
Moira: Oh, we're past all that now.
Johnny: I'm not quite past it, Moira. You wrote us off, Don. Not a phone call, not an email, not a nickel. Roland and Jocelyn here, could not have been more generous with what little they have. They found us a place to live, they've offered us their truck whenever we've needed it. They've invited us to their parties, they even offered to take us out to dinner tonight.
Roland: Well, just to be clear, Johnny, we were always gonna split the bill, it's just with the coupon...
Jocelyn: Rollie, Rollie.
Johnny: And that town you passed through, it's not called Schittsville. It's called Schitt's Creek. And it's where we live.

Johnny: Wow, this could be very exciting. You know, a continental breakfast could add an extra star on our rating.
Twyla: Oh wow, so how many stars would that give you?
Johnny: One.

Johnny: And you know why, honey? Because you're better "than" that.
Alexis: Thank you.
Johnny: N-No, you're better "than" that.
Alexis: Okay, I'm better then that.
Johnny: Not better then that, better than that.
Alexis: Okay, I don't know what you're talking about right now!
Johnny: All right, well if you don't want my help, "than" I guess I'll leave.
Alexis: Okay, thank you!
Johnny: Okay, I'll see you later "than."
Alexis: Bye! Ugh!

David: When it comes to expectations, it's always better to go under than over.
Johnny: Yeah, I don't know if that's true, son. Every Rose video we opened had fireworks. Day or night. People love pizazz.

Johnny: David, delivery dates are important, when it comes to client loyalty.
David: Okay, do I need to remind you that I'm the one doing you the favour? Accessorizing motel bathrooms is not what I would call on-brand for the store. So, if you would like to pull the account, you can pull the account.
Johnny: Well, I can't pull the account, because it's part of the rollout. So, I may be looking elsewhere when it comes time for the pop-out store.
David: Okay. He meant pop-up store, right?
Alexis: Honestly, David, it took him like 2 weeks to learn rollout, so...