Camilla: Okay, what the hell is going on?
Nick: Winston, check for a wire-- she could be a rat.
Camilla: Stop it. This isn't real.
Nick: You're telling us we're not a Japanese crime family?
Camilla: Reagan, tell me the truth.
Winston: Reagan, seriously, just stop bailing. [Reagan is lost for words]
Camilla: I'll just go.
Reagan: Camilla, wait. Look... [exhales] This isn't working out. But I think that it's my fault. Because I don't let people in. I'm sorry. I think that you deserve a lot better than that.
Camilla: Thank you. I know that wasn't easy for you.

Reagan: This is your whole problem. Imagine how much better your life would be if you could just make a decision.
Winston: She's just mad because she had a bunch of dumb brunch ideas, you damn fool. [Winston & Nick laugh]
Reagan: Okay. Uh, well, what about this? I will sleep with one of you tonight if you can just decide who.

Reagan: How is it even hotter down here?
Nick: Because the heat stays low, you dummy. It's bad enough that we're down here, I can't explain science to you.
Reagan: I hope that the Chicago Cubs win the World Series while you're in a coma.
Nick: That's one of the meanest things anybody has ever said to me. Now, follow me. I want to leave one set of footprints.
Reagan: That is a perfect plan, but I'm not going to do that.
Nick: [finds the fuse box] Oh, hello, old friend. Funny seeing you here.

Jess: You and Nick, tell me everything.
Reagan: The power went out. We went into the basement. There were rats, he passed out, we kissed.
Jess: [squealing softly] Oh, my God. And you like him.
Reagan: No. No, I don't. We just hooked up a few times. Let's focus on you. Here's a courtroom sketch.
Jess: Yep, there he is, 237B. God, he can dress.
Reagan: But we're gonna need more than that. We need something distinctive, so did he have like a... he walked with a limp or he had a hook hand or a neck tattoo-- anything?

Reagan: Wait, sorry, so Nick is coming?
Jess: Yeah.
Reagan: No, just call him and tell him not to come.
Jess: I thought you were cool.
Reagan: I am cool.
Jess: You don't really seem cool.
Reagan: It's just that when I see him, it's a, it's weird, 'cause I'm, I'm leaving and it's, it's complicated. I do-- I just, I don't really know how to... God, I'm crazy about him!
Jess: Yes! I knew it! I knew it.
Reagan: Okay, yes. That's enough. You're right.
Jess: You know what happens now.
Reagan: I don't want to hug you.
Jess: You know what happens now!
Reagan: I'm not hugging you.
Jess: Yeah, you are.
Reagan: I'm not hugging you.

Reagan: I put a Lego in my shoe to really push myself.
Jess: That sounds painful.

[flashback:]
Jess: I hate the way that tastes.
Reagan: Idea.
Jess: What?
Reagan: Let's go to the pool.
Jess: Is "pool" cocaine? I mean, is "the pool," like, a drug thing? 'Cause I don't "swim." Like, I-I don't judge people who do "swim," but I don't.
Reagan: No, it's a real pool. An actual pool at my apartment, my other apartment. [gasps] [whispers] I have another apartment.
Jess: No, no...
Reagan: It's a secret. Don't tell Nick, don't tell Nick.
Jess: No.
Reagan: Shh.
Jess: Oh, no.
Reagan: Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh...
Jess: Okay, well, it's time to do future Jess a solid and black the hell out.

Cece: Yeah, and you like EDM. You know what else you like?
Jess: [door opens] A brand-new... fancy chair! [laughter]
Nick: Chair? I thought this was the base of a fish tank. [laughs] Here you go, man.
Reagan: Happy birthday, Schmidt.
Jess: It's not his birthday.
Reagan: Then why are we doing this?
Cece: Schmidt, you love this chair, right?
Winston: Told you to sit on it, Potsie!
Reagan: The store had free delivery. I don't understand what's going on.
Nick: I know. We just do things sometimes. I never understood it either.

Jess: Okay, model types, 3:00.
Reagan: Wait, those two oatmeal men?
Jess: Follow my lead.
Reagan: How did we ever date the same dude?

Jess: They have a real look.
Reagan: What look would that be? I own my own dog-walking company?
Jess: Branding! You're good. You know what? I believe in them. And we also have no other choice. So let's get them camera-ready.
Reagan: How far away is that camera gonna be?