Tim: Julie's t-shirt?
Natalie: That's what this whole thing has been about.
Tim: Her t-shirt? I don't understand.
Natalie: Tim, I've been waiting a long time to say this. Here's what happened. We know Dewey Jordan has been here. Mr. Monk noticed some game coupons in his apartment. Rob Sherman and Dewey Jordan met a couple weeks ago at the courthouse. Sherman probably told Dewey he was pulling some kind of insurance scam, but they had to meet again some place to work out the details. They met here at the pier. It was perfect; noisy, a big crowd, nobody would notice them.
Tim: But I don't understand, what does all this have to do with Julie?
Natalie: It was the same day you and Julie were here getting your picture taken.
Tim: Our picture?
Natalie: Exactly. The photographer had you pose right over there. But there were other people standing behind you. That's where Mr. Monk had seen them together. On Julie's t-shirt. They were in the background the whole time.
Tim: That would make sense. That's why he was acting so weird that day we met him.
Natalie: When Mr. Sherman saw that t-shirt, he knew he was in trouble. He saw Julie hanging out with Mr. Monk, the Captain, and Randy. It was only a matter of time before somebody noticed it.
Tim: I know, but why didn't he just try to steal it?
Natalie: Much too risky. Remember, he didn't have to destroy the shirt. He just wanted Julie to stop wearing it. So he had his girlfriend contact Clay. She pretended to be Julie's Aunt.
Tim: I get it. Julie breaks up with me and she never wears the shirt again.
Natalie: She's right, you are pretty smart. That's why we're here. The Captain's getting a search warrant. The photo booth keeps backup copies of all the pictures.
Tim: Uh, copy? Why- Why do you need a copy? Where's the t-shirt?
Natalie: Julie burned it.
Tim: She what?
Natalie: Sorry.

Adrian Monk: As Special Agent Rusty Clark would say, "Here's what happened." Last week, you came in here alone after hours. It was easy to transfer Susan's scream from the slasher film onto the exercise video. The morning of the murder, you smashed some glass on the rear door to make it look like somebody broke in. You hid a knife near the front door where you could grab it quickly. Then you replaced her exercise video with the one you doctored, and the stage was set. As you planned, the press was out front, and you made sure they saw Susan alive as you left the house. You recorded the audio low intentionally, because you needed her to turn the volume all the way up.
Sharona: The press thought you were going in to help her, but you were going in to kill her.
Adrian Monk: You only had a few seconds, but it was all you needed.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good work, Mr. Monk.
Sharona: And he did it without a spectroscope.
Lieutenant Disher: Could you stand up, please, Mr. Terry. You're under arrest. It's one easy motion. Cuffs come out, right arm down. Slap 'em on. You're goin' down, clown. Just like you're dancin'. How was that?
Captain Stottlemeyer: That was perfect. Now, don't be afraid to rough 'im up. That's a bad guy.

Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. I went to bed around 10. They were still playing poker. Guber must have needed more cash, so he went upstairs to get it. I went to bed around 10. They were all still playing the poker.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk! We've heard this part already.
Adrian Monk: Cappy! Cappy, you made it. How you doing? I- I- I love you. I just...
Captain Stottlemeyer: I love you too. Do your thing.
Adrian Monk: You just got... You...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Let's go sleep it off.
Adrian Monk: And thanks, thanks, thanks for the...
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Adrian Monk: Thanks for the... Look at that. What's that thing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: All right, come here. Come here a minute.
Adrian Monk: I'm gonna get me one.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Up to bed.
Adrian Monk: Oh, oh, wait! See, Gruber never came back. They got worried and decided to go upstairs and check him! They found Ben Gruber dead. He was dead from a heart attack. And cash, $3.1 million. They must've figured somebody would be coming around looking for it. That's the kind of money people come looking for. What to do? What to do? They decided to hide the body and split the money. If anybody asked, they were gonna pretend they never heard of him. Hold on. [sits down] Here's what happened. They got rid of Gruber's car. Then they removed his signature from the guest book and retook the group photo without him. He was gone. It was like he never existed. Gone like a ghost.

Natalie: Come on, you gotta pull yourself together. Look at me. Look at me. We just have to make it until 9:00 am. When the bank opens, they'll open the vault.
Adrian Monk: No, they won't.
Natalie: Sure they will. Somebody will.
Adrian Monk: You don't get it. It wasn't just Peter Crawley.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, well, obviously we know now that Madge was in on it too.
Lieutenant Disher: And the Russian.
Adrian Monk: No, no, you still don't get it. It was all of them. They were all in on it. Look, six toothpicks! Madge, Crawley, Jasmine, Harrison, Tiffany, Gloria. The whole staff! They planned it together. Here's what happened. It was like they were putting on a play. They must have rehearsed it for weeks. One of them had to play the Russian. It was probably Madge. She was about the right height. I didn't see her on the surveillance tape.
Natalie: But what did the toothpicks mean?
Adrian Monk: One of them had to get shot. To make it look good. So they were drawing straws.
Natalie: I don't get it. Why did they kill the manager?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, they probably had an agreement not to spend any of the money, but Crawley couldn't resist.
Adrian Monk: Of course we'll never know for sure. Because we're gonna die soon.

[fantasy:]
Trudy: We both know what's happening here, Adrian. You're having what Dr. Kroger would call a psychotic break. It's a defense mechanism. How long do you have?
Adrian Monk: Uh, there's about 50 cubic feet of air in the coffin. 35 minutes, maybe 40. Let's talk about something else.
Trudy: How did you know it was the gravedigger?
Adrian Monk: I noticed the stamp on the back of his hand. At the time, I didn't think anything about it. But then later, I saw the exact same stamp on Natalie's hand.
Trudy: So you knew Chris Downey had been to the museum.
Adrian Monk: That's right. He stole Sonny Chow's hairbrush. Because he needed Chow's DNA, so he could frame him for murder.
Trudy: But why Sonny Chow?
Adrian Monk: So the police would exhume his body. It all started six years ago. I remember the case. Downey had stolen half a million in jewels from a courier. During the getaway, he assaulted an off-duty cop. He was convicted on the assault, but they couldn't get him on the robbery.
Trudy: They never found the diamonds.
Adrian Monk: Exactly. He was working here at the cemetery. Before he went home, he must've stopped here and hid the jewels.
Trudy: Where?
Adrian Monk: In Sonny Chow's coffin. It was perfect. Chow was scheduled to be buried the next day. Downey figured he could always come back and dig it up. Even five or six years later.
Trudy: You felt 'em in the pillowcase. You felt 'em when Natalie hit you in the back.
Adrian Monk: That's right.

[fantasy:]
Adrian Monk: I'm talking about her Silver Globe Award. You didn't really earn this, did you?
Kathy Cooper: I don't know what you're talking about.
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. Thirty-five years ago after this show was cancelled, your career was in trouble.
Kathy Cooper: I'm not listening.
Adrian Monk: And when you were nominated for this award, you knew it was your last chance, and you would do anything to win. You met a fan named Victor Timlinson. He told you where he worked. It was the luckiest break of your career. He worked for an accounting firm called Fineman and Kelly. They tabulated the ballots for all the big award shows. Including the Silver Globes. He worked in the mail room, witch meant his the first person to see the ballots. I don't know how you did it. Maybe you paid him off. Or flirted with him. But somehow you convinced him to rig the final tally. Years went by, you probably figured you'd never see him again. But when he read about your big book deal, Mr. Timlinson reappeared. He got greedy. He tried to shake you down. He threatened to tell the world the truth about how you really won this. And you knew if you paid him, he'd eventually want more. They always do. So you decided to kill him.
Kathy Cooper: That's crazy talk.
Adrian Monk: You set him up! You sent those letters to yourself. You even blew up your own car. On Monday night, you arranged to meet him at that motel. Or should I say, you arranged to murder him in cold blood. You shot him. You planted that knife in his hand and those letters in his coat.
Mrs. Cooper: Kathy, we've talked about this. Killing people is never the answer.
Mr. Cooper: I'm afraid you're grounded, young lady.
Kathy Cooper: It's not fair. He doesn't have any proof. The D.A. is gonna laugh you out of his office.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so, 'cause I found this in Timlinson's apartment in a hollowed-out book. The original ballots. Timlinson must have kept a couple as an insurance policy.

Adrian Monk: [shouting over the music] Here's what happened! The roadie, Stork, wrote a song.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Adrian Monk: The roadie, Stork, wrote a song! Kris Kedder stole it! Stork must have confronted Kedder! Kris killed him!
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Adrian Monk: He tried to make it look like Stork OD'd! So he stuffed him into the hell hole!
Natalie: You mean that Port-A-John!
Adrian Monk: No, I mean the hell hole!
Captain Stottlemeyer: The hell what?
Adrian Monk: At some point, he remembered that Stork was off drugs and that he was afraid of needles! He knew that nobody would believe that Stork OD'd like that! Then he had to make it look like Stork was back on drugs and over his fear of needles, so he disguised himself and he went to the acupuncturist!
Natalie: Oh, and he made sure he mentioned he was looking for heroin!
Adrian Monk: Right. And he put the map in Stork's pocket to lead us to the acupuncturist. And he... Uh, uh. And he closed the door. And he locked it from the outside. God, I can't hear the music. I think I've gone deaf.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, the song is over.

Adrian Monk: Ref. Time. Time out!
Referee: Time out, purple.
Natalie: Okay, hurry up.
Adrian Monk: Aaron Hayden belongs to that country club. It was on the trophy on his mantle. Conrad Country Club. Here's what happened. Aaron Hayden killed Paula McGoohan. I remember the case. There was DNA evidence all over the scene but nothing to match it against.
Natalie: 20 seconds.
Adrian Monk: Lynn Hayden told her brother she started that brush fire and planned to turn herself in. That's why she was so upset last week.
Natalie: 15 Seconds.
Adrian Monk: Aaron tried to talk her out of it. He knew she'd be arrested, which meant...
Captain Stottlemeyer: We would take a DNA sample.
Lieutenant Disher: Routine for a felony arrest.
Natalie: Ten seconds.
Adrian Monk: He knew if you ran her DNA through the system, it would lead you to the country club murder, which would lead you to him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It happens with siblings. A near hit.
Adrian Monk: He was trapped! He couldn't let her confess. If she was arrested, he was a dead man. [buzzer sounds]

Captain Stottlemeyer: [answers phone] Stottlemeyer.
Adrian Monk: Leland, it's me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, thank God. Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: Leland, I know who set me up. It was that Sheriff.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Rollins? Why?
Adrian Monk: I don't know why. I can't figure that out. But I know how.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, okay, how? How is good. Let's start with how.
Adrian Monk: Okay, I had some orange juice in my refrigerator.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay.
Adrian Monk: Somebody drank from it. I thought it was Natalie.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, we haven't got a lot of time here.
Adrian Monk: I'm talking about Rollins. It was him. He's always drinking juice. I heard him talking about it. Leland, here's what happened. He broke into my house the day before the shooting.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And raided your refrigerator?
Adrian Monk: That's right. Then he drank some orange juice. About four ounces. Then he found my handgun.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He switched guns?
Adrian Monk: Not the whole gun, just the barrel. My gun's a Lane & Westing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The barrels are interchangeable.
Adrian Monk: Right, he used the six-fingered man's prints and the note to lure me to the sculpture garden. He was hiding there, about 50 feet behind me. He waited for me to pull my gun, and then he took the shot. He told me to lie on the ground face down. That's probably when he did it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He switched them back. So when the lab said the bullet came from your gun...
Adrian Monk: They were right. It was my gun. Atl east part of it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, can you prove it? Do you have anything else?
Adrian Monk: Okay. Leland, are you sitting down? I have a plastic tab from a juice container.
Captain Stottlemeyer: D- Do you have any fingerprints?
Adrian Monk: Fingerprints? No. No. That's not enough, is it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's not enough!

Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. You were in the middle of a very messy, very expensive divorce, and you wanted to get rid of your wife.
Evan Gildea: That is absurd. Do I have to listen to this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, you do.
Adrian Monk: What you needed was an alibi. First, you ordered a two-ton slab of marble. Then you went to work, but you weren't sculpting just another statue. You were sculpting an alibi, a perfect alibi. You had it all worked out, down to the last details-
Harrison Powell: Hold it! Hold it! Don't say another word.
Lieutenant Disher: Excuse me, sir, this is a private conversation.
Harrison Powell: Yeah, this conversation's over, unless you want to talk to me, but I cannot promise that I would listen, detective.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And you are?
Harrison Powell: I'm Harrison Powell. I'm Mr. Gildea's Attorney. I just moved up from Los Angeles. And you must be Mr. Adrian Monk. I saw your profile on In Focus. Very impressive.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. I was just explaining to-
Harrison Powell: Why don't you tell it to the judge? We're denying everything categorically. Have a nice day. Come on. Let's go. You look like a man who could use a drink. Evan, let's go. They can't keep you here. It's okay.
Evan Gildea: Harrison, it's too late. They know everything. They have all this evidence against me.
Harrison Powell: No, they have no evidence against you. They have nothing, okay? You're an innocent man that's been unjustly accused. And I'm gonna prove all that when we get to court.
Evan Gildea: Harrison, it's Adrian Monk. He's never lost a case in his life.
Harrison Powell: Well, neither have I. This'll be great.