Adrian Monk Quote #2471
Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Takes the Stand
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. You were in the middle of a very messy, very expensive divorce, and you wanted to get rid of your wife.
Evan Gildea: That is absurd. Do I have to listen to this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, you do.
Adrian Monk: What you needed was an alibi. First, you ordered a two-ton slab of marble. Then you went to work, but you weren't sculpting just another statue. You were sculpting an alibi, a perfect alibi. You had it all worked out, down to the last details-
Harrison Powell: Hold it! Hold it! Don't say another word.
Lieutenant Disher: Excuse me, sir, this is a private conversation.
Harrison Powell: Yeah, this conversation's over, unless you want to talk to me, but I cannot promise that I would listen, detective.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And you are?
Harrison Powell: I'm Harrison Powell. I'm Mr. Gildea's Attorney. I just moved up from Los Angeles. And you must be Mr. Adrian Monk. I saw your profile on In Focus. Very impressive.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. I was just explaining to-
Harrison Powell: Why don't you tell it to the judge? We're denying everything categorically. Have a nice day. Come on. Let's go. You look like a man who could use a drink. Evan, let's go. They can't keep you here. It's okay.
Evan Gildea: Harrison, it's too late. They know everything. They have all this evidence against me.
Harrison Powell: No, they have no evidence against you. They have nothing, okay? You're an innocent man that's been unjustly accused. And I'm gonna prove all that when we get to court.
Evan Gildea: Harrison, it's Adrian Monk. He's never lost a case in his life.
Harrison Powell: Well, neither have I. This'll be great.
Features in the collection: Here's What Happened.
Monk Quotes
‘Here's What Happened’
Quote from Lieutenant Disher in Mr. Monk and the Actor
Lieutenant Disher: How you doin'? We were looking at this case all wrong. It wasn't a burglary. It was all about the wall. The whole time. Here's what happened. The killer was in here last Thursday night. This is where he met Michelle Cullman. They have an artist in here a few nights a week sketching the customers. He drew their picture right there on the wall. After the murder, the killer remembered the sketch. That sketch could hang him. It could prove that he was with the victim the night she died. And it would prove what he was wearing. The same shirt we found at the murder scene. He had to destroy that sketch. So he smashed through the wall and pretended it was part of a burglary. He just pretended to be breaking into a pawn shop. It was never about the pawnshop.
Female Cop: I know.
Lieutenant Disher: You know?
Female Cop: I was here ten minutes ago when Monk was explaining it to you.
Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized
Lieutenant Disher: All right, well she told some paramedic that she loosened one of those baseboards. She pretended to be asleep. When he came back to check on her. Bam. Side of the head. [Monk laughs]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, do you have something you'd like to share with the rest of us?
Adrian Monk: I can see his butt.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, the man is dead.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, of embarrassment! Sorry. I've got it. Here's what happened. Tuesday night, Larkin abducted his wife from that parking lot. He overpowered her. Maybe he drugged her. Then, he brought her up here. He kept her prisoner. For three days, he taunted her. He humiliated her. Something about some jewelry. He- He even refused to feed her. But last night he went a little too far. In all the excitement, his pants fell down. He killed himself. He didn't have a choice. She'd seen his hiney. [laughs]
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think we're done here.
‘Mr. Monk Takes the Stand’ Quotes
Quote from Adrian Monk
[flashback:]
Lieutenant Disher: Were you alone?
Evan Gildea: No. I was with her. [removes a sheet covering a sculpture of a naked woman]
Adrian Monk: [squeaks]
[present, in the court room:]
Adrian Monk: [squeaks]
Harrison Powell: Mr. Monk, are you okay?
Adrian Monk: I'm fine.
Judge Santa Croce: You were making a noise.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Judge Santa Croce: Could you read that back, please?
Stenographer: Witness: The defendant removed a sheet revealing a naked... [squeaks]
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
[flashback:]
Lieutenant Disher: Looks like a straight-up break-in. Punches a hole through this window. Opens the door from the inside. She wakes up. They fight. He takes that statue from here hits her once. So, base of the skull. Medulla oblongata. Killed her instantly.
Adrian Monk: Nah, I don't think so. That hole's pretty small. I don't think anyone could fit their hand through there.
Lieutenant Disher: Sure they could.
[present:]
Charles Friedkin: And did you determine whether Monk was right?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, sir. Lieutenant Disher ran a field test to be certain.
[flashback:]
Lieutenant Disher: [whimpers] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
[present:]
Judge Santa Croce: Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt. I saw Lieutenant Disher in the hall before the trial. I couldn't help but notice both of his hands were bandaged.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, ma'am. He wanted to be sure, so he tried it again with the other arm.
Judge Santa Croce: He tried it again?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He's very thorough.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: There's a camera?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, but the recorder's empty. Which means the killer must have taken the tape.
Adrian Monk: But your friend Rudy is short. He's, what, 5'4"?
Lieutenant Disher: 5'4 1/4".
Adrian Monk: Well, he couldn't reach that shelf. There's no stepping stool. "He didn't need a stepping stool, former detective Monk. There are hundreds of things here he could have stood on." "Why are you crying, former detective Monk? "Why don't you stop wasting everyone's time and get the hell out of here?"
Natalie: Objection! Badgering yourself.
Adrian Monk: Overruled.