Adrian Monk Quote #967

Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Gets Drunk

Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. I went to bed around 10. They were still playing poker. Guber must have needed more cash, so he went upstairs to get it. I went to bed around 10. They were all still playing the poker.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk! We've heard this part already.
Adrian Monk: Cappy! Cappy, you made it. How you doing? I- I- I love you. I just...
Captain Stottlemeyer: I love you too. Do your thing.
Adrian Monk: You just got... You...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Let's go sleep it off.
Adrian Monk: And thanks, thanks, thanks for the...
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Adrian Monk: Thanks for the... Look at that. What's that thing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: All right, come here. Come here a minute.
Adrian Monk: I'm gonna get me one.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Up to bed.
Adrian Monk: Oh, oh, wait! See, Gruber never came back. They got worried and decided to go upstairs and check him! They found Ben Gruber dead. He was dead from a heart attack. And cash, $3.1 million. They must've figured somebody would be coming around looking for it. That's the kind of money people come looking for. What to do? What to do? They decided to hide the body and split the money. If anybody asked, they were gonna pretend they never heard of him. Hold on. [sits down] Here's what happened. They got rid of Gruber's car. Then they removed his signature from the guest book and retook the group photo without him. He was gone. It was like he never existed. Gone like a ghost.


Features in the collection: Here's What Happened.

‘Here's What Happened’

Quote from Lieutenant Disher in Mr. Monk and the Actor

Lieutenant Disher: How you doin'? We were looking at this case all wrong. It wasn't a burglary. It was all about the wall. The whole time. Here's what happened. The killer was in here last Thursday night. This is where he met Michelle Cullman. They have an artist in here a few nights a week sketching the customers. He drew their picture right there on the wall. After the murder, the killer remembered the sketch. That sketch could hang him. It could prove that he was with the victim the night she died. And it would prove what he was wearing. The same shirt we found at the murder scene. He had to destroy that sketch. So he smashed through the wall and pretended it was part of a burglary. He just pretended to be breaking into a pawn shop. It was never about the pawnshop.
Female Cop: I know.
Lieutenant Disher: You know?
Female Cop: I was here ten minutes ago when Monk was explaining it to you.

Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized

Lieutenant Disher: All right, well she told some paramedic that she loosened one of those baseboards. She pretended to be asleep. When he came back to check on her. Bam. Side of the head. [Monk laughs]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, do you have something you'd like to share with the rest of us?
Adrian Monk: I can see his butt.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, the man is dead.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, of embarrassment! Sorry. I've got it. Here's what happened. Tuesday night, Larkin abducted his wife from that parking lot. He overpowered her. Maybe he drugged her. Then, he brought her up here. He kept her prisoner. For three days, he taunted her. He humiliated her. Something about some jewelry. He- He even refused to feed her. But last night he went a little too far. In all the excitement, his pants fell down. He killed himself. He didn't have a choice. She'd seen his hiney. [laughs]
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think we're done here.

 ‘Mr. Monk Gets Drunk’ Quotes

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Sylvia, I want to apologize again for last year.
Sylia: Oh, don't mention it. It's ancient history.
Natalie: What happened last year?
Sylia: Well, it's not worth mentioning. We had a mystery weekend. And we hired some actors who were going to act out a little murder.
Adrian Monk: I'm really, really sorry.
Sylia: And, uh, it was supposed to be for three days. And everybody paid in advance for three days. Adrian solved the case in, what was it, 12 minutes?
Adrian Monk: Well, I, I knew that the general's daughter was lying about meeting Churchill, because Churchill wasn't knighted until 1953. Which meant that Reginald, the limping chauffeur, who supplied her alibi, was also lying. So obviously, they were lovers who were planning to kill the sultan, and steal the Arabian emerald.
Sylia: Anyway, uh, we had to refund everybody's money. No big deal. But we learned our lesson. No more mysteries when Adrian Monk is in town. This time we're having a wine tasting.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Wine Expert: Now they're on step three.
Adrian Monk: Oh, step three.
Wine Expert: Sniffing. You smell the wine. Inhale deeply. Do you smell the fruit or the herbs?
Adrian Monk: Uh, so that means, really, there's only two steps left until the spitting.
Wine Expert: That's right.
Adrian Monk: Uh, all, all at once? All of them spitting on the porch here? With me on the porch?
Wine Expert: Now they're sipping.
Adrian Monk: Sipping! So spitting is next. Oh, God. Oh, here it comes. [Monk groans]

 Adrian Monk Quotes

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Daredevil

Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.

Quote from Mr. Monk Is At Your Service

Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.